confused

[Rebekka]

Hi all,
This is my first time asking for help so please bear with me if I am too full on or cross any boundaries.
Ok the beginning..... I met my husband when I was just 17 and we have had an incredibly rocky relationship from the beginning as he is a big drinker and used to get violent almost every day. we had our first child whenI was 20 and then number 2 less than 2 years later. There has always been the promise that he will stop and the violence has subsided but the alcohol and anger are still there. I asked him to move out two years ago and it seemed to be working fine until my mother decided to inform me that my husbend had tried to sleep with her a couple of years ago while I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I told her I did not believe her as my mum has a history of manic depression and has always been what I think is a trouble maker... Unfortunately things have become complacent and my husband is starting to drink around my children and I again and talking disgustingly around them and letting them watch inappropriate movies. During this process my parents have gotten a divorse and 4 years ago my dad told me he was gay and the last 25 years of his marriage to my mother was a big lie. I then woke on Monday to my house trashed because my husband an dhis drunk friends did not want to leave when I asked them to, I proceeded in cleanin up the house and found my husbands phone in peices, I have NEVER even considered reading his msgs but when I turned it on they came up as from me so i opened them and found raunchy and disgusting msgs from my dad. they deny anything happened but i do not know what to do or think... please help me i am sooooooo confused...

[Obayan]

Hi. It sounds like you have a choice to make. One, you can accept this as the way he is and continue to live this life. Two, you can decide that this isn't acceptable and do something about it. Make changes. Take back control of your own life and do something about it.

It is NEVER ok to cause another person pain in any form. Mental, physical, etc.

It is NEVER ok to set back and allow this to go on hopeing and praying that things will change and then do nothing to make that change happen.

To be honest, it doesn't matter what may or may not have happened with your husband, mother, father, etc... What matters is what is happening with you. Not only are you accepting abuse as a way of life, but you, in your inaction, are teaching your children this is an acceptable way to live for them as well. Fostering that chain for the next generation.

Make a decision. What is right for you? What is right for your children? Then do something about it. Contact the Department of Human Services, a counselor, the Samaritans, someone, anyone. Find out what services are out there available to you that will help you with what you decide.

I do hope things get better for you. I really do.