A Bit Overwhelmed

[ShoresOfOrion]

I'd like to start off by saying that sometimes I feel like I'm being whiny or start to ramble with the things I say about what is causing issues for me. Sometimes I feel like my problems may be insignificant compared to someone elses.

To put it lightly, I'm feeling ridiculously overwhelmed lately. My mother had been seriously ill for the past several months and hospitalized the entire time. Only for us to find out a few days before Christmas that she has stage III cancer. Her and I are very close, more like friends rather than a child/parent relationship. I fear for her. The treatment has taken a toll on her. She's too weak to receive anymore chemotherapy even though it was working well. She has become completely bed-ridden. I withdrew from college and am unemployed in order to spend time with her and help care for her. I have a strained relationship with my father which has gotten even worse because of my mothers illness and the way he behaves about it.

On top of that, I'm having troubles in my relationship with my girlfriend. She is the light of my life. She has stuck by my side this entire time my mother has been sick and comforted me and her as well. We had a really bad moment the other night. I know I've made my mistakes but I'm extremely scared and anxious about everything. That I'll lose her. I've apologized for all I've done and I fear it's not good enough. The fact that it's out of my hands terrifies me. I love her more than anything. We've been through a lot together. My mom refers to her as her as a daughter and really hopes we last and have a life together, it's her one wish. I'm afraid I'll let her down and be a disappointment.

I'm scared..I've never felt like this before in my life. I've never experienced these things before and I'm unsure on what to do in order to handle them properly. I just really wish things turn out for the better. I've come to the realization that I'll probably end up losing my mother in the coming future. But, it's impossible to comprehend losing the only other woman in my life too in the same time frame. Both of them are all I have. Who I love so dearly.

I spent most of my night on the chat here and after feeling a very awkward at first, I talked to a couple of great people about everything going on in my life. It does help a little bit to get some weight off of me.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( ShoresOfOrion ))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear all of what is going on with your life. I can relate. I have lost my father, my mother and two brothers to cancer. It is a rough road to travel. Knowing you can only be there for them, making them comfortable and giving them love and laughter, if possible, is all you can do.

Through all this your emotions build and build and I found that I released all this pressure, emotions, heart break, anger on the ones closest to me.

Sit down and talk with your girlfriend, let her inside your thoughts and heart, share with her what you are going through.

Not what you are looking, just saying what you are feeling is real and letting you know I do understand. It isn't easy to deal with, you think they will live forever and you are never prepared to give them up.

Keep posting here, keep going to the chat room, they both help immensely. It helps to clear the mind, even for just a little while, and it does help to know others do understand.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Warmsoul/Jeanie13

[ShoresOfOrion]

Through all this your emotions build and build and I found that I released all this pressure, emotions, heart break, anger on the ones closest to me.

Sit down and talk with your girlfriend, let her inside your thoughts and heart, share with her what you are going through.Warmsoul/Jeanie13

I believe that's my problem here. That I might let things get to me and I unintentionally take it out on others whether I know it or not. I fear that the damage is done in that case.

I have, I've pour my heart out. All I hope for is one more chance to prove myself. If there's one thing I ever succeed at, it's our relationship.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Warmsoul/Jeanie13

Thank you very much. I really need all the prayers I can get. I pray so often for help/a change with this, sometimes I see a difference. They say the more people who are praying towards something, the more strength it can have.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( ShoresOfOrion ))))))))))))))))

Going through all you are tends to bring out a side of you no one see. Those feelings of total heart break are truly hard to handle. You just don't how.

Yes my Mother always said, give the best of yourself in thoughts and prayers. Mine are coming you way.

Warmie

[ShoresOfOrion]

So much has changed since I've posted this. A week ago my problems were nothing compared to now. My mother is continually getting worse. My girlfriend broke up with me and now I've become completely lost. I really want to get her back.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( ShoresOfOrion ))))))))))))))))

A hug, hope it helps.

Warmie