In my shoes

[chelseagirl]

Hi im chelseagirl, im new here so i thought i would make a post.
I guess a sort of introduction to you all.
I myself have suffered depression since school, a tough and sad childhood made my teenage years angry and hard.
Through sheer grit and determination i decided at the age of 15 that my life was worth more than spending my mornings wondering why i even bothered to open my eyes.
I made my self a plan and decided that the only way to swim to the surface was to stick to it and believe that if i truly wanted to i could achieve anything. I sometimes now look back at the child i was then and wonder where i managed to steal the strength to change my life as i am now struggling to do it again in my early twenties.
My plan was simple to get my school grades, go to college get my diploma and go to university and graduate with a degree.
The anger of people telling me i couldent achieve in life spurred me to prove them wrong.
I graduated last month. My plan complete, but it wasent until i sat down and looked back at the years that had passed me that i realised how hard the journey had been.
I had been in a near fatal car accident, grieved over lost people i had loved, been in an abusive relationship and at times been homeless at uni after bulling meant i had to leave my home, but still i refused to leave.
At the time i guess i had a focus i had to finish what i had started and honour the promise i had made myself.
My first journey is now over, and i feel lost alone and afraid, the hurt over the years has hit me like a ton of bricks and weight gain has made my confidence shatter.
I still smile and laugh when i find things funny, but inside i feel the weight and the pain of my life hanging around me, waiting to make my eyes sting.
I kno the road ahead of me is long but i have decided to make another plan, but instead this one will last me for a life time.
I plan to not only walk in my own shoes but be happy doing so.
I plan to to cry not with sadness but over whelming joy.
I plan to trust and to love.
and never to hide.
I joined this forum because i realise a journey shared may at times shorten the distance to the finish line.
I refuse to accept that my story started as a child and finished the day i graduated.
I dont want my story to have an ending, i want it to last for as long as i do filled with stories of the things i achieved throughout my life.
so this isnt my story
this is my journey
I guess im here because i want to find reasons to open my eyes in the morning again, and not turn over and close them because i let depression get the better of me!!

[Obayan]

Hello Chelsea. You sound like a very strong person. I look forward to getting to know you.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( chelseagirl ))))))))))))))))

Welcome to the forums. You post was touching, showed strength. Please continue posting and sharing. Lots of great chatters about, as you will see.

Warmie