Bullied half my life (Triggering Material)

[CrazyLady17]

Why won't the bullying stop? It's not just cyber bullying anymore it's physical bullying too.. I've been punched, kicked and pushed around before and I still have a few bruises to prove it, but when people ask me about them I say I fell over? Why can't I bring myself to tell them really what's happening? Why am I such a coward? Why am I such a wimp and can't tell anyone? Why am I so so scared?

All this bullying is making me feel even worse..
Making me want to escape this hospital and attempt suicide again...
And I want this time my attempt will be successful.

I can't take anymore!

[dablues]

can you block the numbers from the people that bully you on the phone?
that's the last thing you need right now. some people can be awful and cruel.
I have a scar from by people like that. it makes me sad to know what you are going through
take life on a minute to minute basis, do you enjoy reading, art, music or anything? I know enjoy might be a stretch at the moment but life can get better

[CrazyLady17]

Yes I have now blocked all their numbers off my phone and blocked them on facebook, twitter etc...
But they can still bully me on ask.fm though? As you can't block people on there... I don't even have an ask.fm account, but they bully me on other peoples accounts.
Why me? Eh? Why?

I know right- I don't need this right now. I don't need of it to be honest, I just want to be left alone and have the bullies suffer for all this. I want them to feel all the pain I'm going through and all the pain I'm suffering. I want them to feel so guilty.. That's why I have attempted suicide. Stupid? I know

Thank you.
I hope so.
Been going on for too long now, I can't take anymore.

[dablues]

I truly believe that the best revenge is in living well. it takes the power away from anyone who might get some twisted pleasure by inflicting pain on others. kindness and compassion are stronger than anything. please be kind to yourself as you deserve some peace

[CrazyLady17]

But I can't? I want my bullies to suffer, just like I've suffered for 12 years straight now. I can't take anymore!!! I am on the edge and at my breaking point of it all.
I just want to breakdown into tears. Feel like I'm having a mental breakdown, it isn't unfair.

I am trying to.. But I self harm or attempt suicide to make them feel my pain? But it just makes me feel even worse.

[dablues]

if you are hurting yourself in an attempt to hurt them then you let them have the power to hurt you even when they are not there. don't let them control your life. in my experience people like that get pleasure when they see you in pain so you will never hurt them by doing this. believe me it will drive them crazy if they see you living your life and finding whatever happiness you can in spite of them. they will never have power over you. you are no slave you are your own person with your own interests and ideas you are young and believe it or not have a lot to look forward to. take your power back from these aholes

[CrazyLady17]

You do have a fair point here... Thank you.
But everytime I try and pick myself back up and be/attempt to be "happy" there is always someone or something that'll drag me straight back down, and yes most of the time it's because of the bullies or because of my parents. But I am starting to give up trying to control my life, the bullies have won. The bullies have beaten me and driven me to death.

I am sick and tired of "trying so hard" and pretending "I'm fine", when really I am dying inside.
I don't know how much more I can take?

[dablues]

stop pretending to be happy and find out what actually makes you content or interested or exited. it doesn't have to be anything big just looking at a flower or something can make me forget my own pain for a moment. or petting my cat small moments of peace are sublime. I hope you find some peace for yourself. UBU

[CrazyLady17]

Nothing makes me happy anymore though? That's the whole point here. I had everything, a boyfriend and I was pregnant, but then he cheated on me and I miscarried the twins.
Now I have nothing, I have nothing to live for; do I? No

The bullies have gotten the best of me and I can't fight it anymore, I have no strength within me to fight anymore. I give up.
The bullies can win for all I care.
I am done

[dablues]

sorry
sometimes I try to remind myself that life's alright and encourage myself a bit by encouraging others. I know life's not simple or easy. hang in there
(((HUGS)))

[CrazyLady17]

What are you sorry for? No need to be sorry at all.
Thank you for your suggestions I will try them and thank you for all your support and kind words, means a lot to me and I now know I am not alone in all this, which makes it a little easier to cope with I suppose.

Hmm.. Life is sure hard eh?
Wish life was simple to be honest

(((Hugs)))

[CrazyLady17]

I want the bullies to suffer just like I have, I want the bullies to feel guilty just like I do. I especially want the bullies to feel all the pain I am feeling as it hurts and kills me inside knowing I am punishing myself for their behaviours... Why am I punishing myself seriously?
Why am I doing this to myself?
Why am I letting the bullies control my entire life?

How am I suppose to stop the bullies?
Help someone please?

[CrazyLady17]

So today I had 3 unexpected visitors come to see at the hospital... Guess oh they were? Of course 3 of the people who bully me.. Oh lovely! NOT!!
They were "acting" all nice when the duty nurse and doctors were around, but as soon as they went the bullies started to get up close to my face and started to threaten me and they took some photos of me and said they'll post them on facebook, Twitter and google images. Why would they do that to me?
They also said "you best go on and die Abbie, as you deserve to rot in hell"....

Wow that really did upset me and yes I was acting all "strong" while they was there, and when they left the hospital I spent two hours crying my eyes out, after that good cry I felt better.
Do feel scared of the bullies though, I just wish I could "buck up" and tell someone about all this bullying...

How can I tell when I am ready to tell someone about it?
Will I ever be ready? I don't know.
Will try and tell someone though, before it's too late.

[mattyj]

how did they know you were in hospital?

and couldnt you have told the nurse to start with you didnt want to see them?

[CrazyLady17]

Because "someone"(don't know who) told them I tried to commit suicide and am in hospital... Did you know need travel so fast these days? Aha. Pft it's a total joke if you ask me!

I didn't know it was them to start with....
But then when I saw them, I couldn't bring myself to tell the nurse I didn't want to see them as she would of asked "why".. And I'm not ready to tell them or anyone else about all the bullying..

I feel like such a coward for not speaking out. Does that make sense?