Alone in a Room Full of People...

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Thanks very much for your posts, (((( Destination )))) and (((( BRA_Lucy ))))!
I do hope that you don't feel that I was being in any way critical of either of you, I really wasn't. In fact, I very much feel the difficulty of communicating/interacteracting/expressingly-myself-to people who haven't experienced depression or anything like it.
I'm very much thinking this out as I go, I suppose I'm thinking that if I can best understand people who haven't experienced depression or anything like it then, even if they can't understand me, then at least I'll be able to " open diplomatic relations with them " and " exchange ambassadors " as it were.
There's a lot more I'd like to say. But. I'm accessing the 'net through my local library, ( I don't actually have my own computer. ), and it's getting close to " closing-time ".
I just wanted to slip in a quick response, and emphasise that I'm not in any way " judging " either of you, or anyone else. I wouldn't do that. If nothing else, my experiences of depression have taught me some valuable lessons in humility. As well as a profound gratitude for all the second chances that I've been lucky enough to be given.

[BRA_Lucy]

Hi.
TackingIntoTheWind, don’t you worry at all…I totally understand what you are saying…it IS difficult to express some feelings and I wouldn’t judge anyone…not anymore (one of the lesson I learned).
Destination, I wouldn’t put it in better words than you just did. It’s amazing how I relate to your words all the time…it’s like you are talking about me! Lol
When I put the words down it gives me chance to think about them, more than when they are just inside my head, and through these days we’ve been talking I found so many answers! Not big ones, but good ones. I needed them. Thank you all so much for that. The experience we share here is much more productive than those years I spent under medication and therapy. I don’t take pills for almost a year now but I still go to therapy, but it only helps me with the small problems in my life…but these few exchange of feelings were much stronger for me. When I found this forum on google I was looking for some understanding…some opportunity…and I’m very happy to say that I found it…you guys are great! Do you know that?
I’m not saying I’m cured and extremely happy (because if that had happened I could say for sure that it was just an episode of euphoria, once I’m bipolar), I’m not. I’m just saying that putting my feelings out and getting a feedback from you (even when I can’t make myself clear enough and I try to put it in other way), it helps to understand it even better!
I think is interesting, TackingIntoTheWind, when you say that understanding others reasons helps you. When I had a normal life, understanding people was what kept me moving forward, I needed reasons, explanations, motives… but now…all these answers are no longer important…for ME…but I think that if this is how it works for you, don’t change a thing! I realize now that each one of us have our own way of getting there…and I think your way of seeing life and embracing the world even if it hurts you a little means you are not giving up…you are a fighter…I feel it in your words…
As cinnamongirl said a few days ago…this is a first step…but I think…reading what you wrote and other forums here that maybe this is not the first, but A step, because each one of us is in a particular moment of depression and we have particular ways of dealing with it…I like sharing this all with you because we can learn so much with ours attempts of getting better…
I really appreciate this experience.
Hugs to you all.

[Destination]

TackingIntoTheWind I totally get where you're coming from. It really is hard to communicate effectively. I've found that I actually communicate better in writing than I do when I speak. Its as if all my thoughts get jumbled up and confused when I speak aloud. I've had days where I will think after a conversation with someone "Oh, hey I should have said bla bla when they said yak yak." lol its like where are the snappy comebacks when we need them??

When I take the time to write things down all my thoughts seem to come out in better order and I can always go back and rewrite something if I think it comes off too harsh or is inappropriate to the situation. If I came off sounding like I thought you were judging anyone I do apologize. I never thought that at all.

Its more like I saw BRA_Lucy's words and was trying to clarify them, more for myself really than anyone.

BRA_Lucy, I know I LOVE this site. Its amazing how many posts I have read and think oh wow that's me!! It feels good to know I'm not alone with the kinds of struggles I have to go through.

(( hugs to you all ))

[BrokenInside]

I'm so glad someone has been able to sum up that feeling... so i don't feel quite so isolated in feeling like that... nice to meet you everyone, by the way xx

[Destination]

Hello BrokenInside nice to meet you

(( huggles if you want them ))

I think maybe isolation is a big part of depression. Maybe because we all feel a bit like we can't really express things to those closest to us?

[broken_hearted]

Yeah I can definitely relate to this. I feel like my life is falling apart slowly. I can't focus on anything. I'm sick of talking to people about whats wrong and trying to get them to understand when they don't. My parents are driving me insane. I was on antidepressants for about a year but couldn't focus enough to do well in school and now I can't focus in general. I just want to find some people I can talk to without feeling like I have to talk. I'm so sick of talking. I don't want to talk to my therapist or my parents or any of my friends because its always the same response and I just want to cry allllllllllll the time... meep...meep. O.o

someone out there care please. I think this is what this site is about right? I really don't know I've never been on something like this before...

yours truly,
broken_hearted.

[Destination]

broken_hearted yeah I understand, trying to explain to people gets so frustrating, they just don't GET it you know?

I like this site because I don't have to explain everything. I hope you will continue to frequent this site!

[broken_hearted]

Thanks so much ((Destination))
Yeah huggles are definitely in order thank you!!
Yes I totally get how frustrating it is talking to people. They totally don't get it. You can't explain it either. I like not having to explain myself for once. I need to come on here more often. I'm so out of it with school and everything!
It's a pleasure to meet you too!! Sorry I feel like I'm all over the place lol.

Talk to you soon everyone. xox

[stars7]

I use to feel that way when I was at school in the cafeteria.

My feelings just intensified there and I did feel alone in a room filled with people.

It did not help when I just sat down with a group of people either.

I would just zone out or feel worse about myself.

What I use to do was do hw or eat or anything else and sat there all by myself it was lonely, unbearable, and it made me feel worse about myself than I already did.

With my recovery, I do not do that anymore and that made my life better.

[broken_hearted]

@stars7: yeah it sucks. I used to do that in high school a lot I would feel really alone but somehow I managed to get through it. Now that I'm in college I can barely get myself to go to class. I'm on the brink of failing out. I feel lonely even when I'm with friends just like you did.

How did you manage to overcome it? I feel like this feeling won't ever go away.

[Destination]

I cope with it by coming here. I've got SA so I'm too shy to go out and meet a bunch of people. And when I do have to be in places where there are a lot of people, I feel so isolated. Even being around my family doesn't really help because I can't explain things to them of course. So I come here and talk to people who get it. It's the only thing that gets me by.

By the way broken_hearted that is a cool FF avatar you've got there. It is from the latest FF game isn't it?

[broken_hearted]

@Destination: Yeah thats exactly how I feel. I can't talk to my family they just don't get it and my mom just says I sound sad all the time and its because I am sad but don't even know how to explain whats wrong. Yeah I'm trying to come here to talk to people. I'm so lazy about typing sometimes though lol. But I'm glad that when I do come here people do seem to get it and I guess it makes me feel not so alone...

...and yes it is from the latest FF game lol thank you