LETS JUST GET RID OF THIS

[xn728]

IVE CALMED DOWN A LOT SINCE I LAST POSTED HERE sorry about the caps ,,i think the bordem of the holiday had got to me ,,im trying to get more things into my life this year ,,indoor things ,i want to try and watch some films and read a few books ,,i get bored very easily and when this happens the visitor can take control ,,so i must put something in place to try to counter this effect ,,this is me doing these things now ,,dont forget ive been told that im beyond help ,,and the lithium will keep me stable ,
but it doesnt im up and down like crazy but this is the norm ,so i dont post about it because it to me is almost a part of everyday normallity ,,like now
i still have my yppah ,but this afternoon i felt so down i had to go to the bedroom fain a headache ,and lay down ,,2 hrs later i feel fine ,,in the morning when i awake i feel lousy ,,but after an hour it passes ,,on a night
time i still fear the next day coming very badly ,but this has been the way for so many years now ,,this will take some getting over ,,,i dont watch tv
if i do it has to be something real and interesting ,,,or really funny ,but im doing a lot better these days ,the forum is a great ,source of comfort as it is for all of us ,this is something witch i could not live without now ,,,
knowing i have freinds ,and being able to just long on here and write how i feel is great ,,,,,ok i hope your doing ok my dear freinds ,,i,ll say bye for now take care ,,hugs kenxxxx

[lisalou]

Ken,I'm really glad that despite all your pain you say that overall you think things are a little better and are having some ups as well as the downs. I've been trying to read and watch films again too. I find it helps to build up your concentration slowly and start with films/books that you already know and really like

And keep on rockin' Kenny Pop!

[xn728]

HI LISA yeah lisa ive got to do something ,,not that long left really ,i want to have some of this life for me ,,the docs have dumped me so ,here i am
flying solo ..so i can hit the ground running ,or hit the ground head on and
come to a halt ,,i need to put some interest back into my life ,tonight were gonna watch father ted ,,dont know if your familier with this but it was a very funny comedy about some catholic preists on an island
bought the dvd of ebay ,,,i have you and all my freinds lisa to help me
your post are always welcome ,,im looking forward to this year ,we,ll all
make it through if we keep talking with each other in good and bad times
ok lisa ,ill end it here for now ,,nice to see you ,,take care the both of you
see you soonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn huggggsss ken xxxx

[lisalou]

Hey, I LOVE Father Ted - Father Jack, what a legend... 'A***! DRINK! FECK!' 'I LOVE MY BRICK'!!!!! Love the one where they 'hide' loads of rabbits in Bishop Brennan's room, 'HAIRY JAPANESE B******S!!!!!!'

oops, now the peas are boiling over, will i never learn the art of home management.......

[xn728]

HEY LISA YEAH LOL last night was the elvis competition ,,,and tonight
were gonna watch the giving up for lent one ,,they are so funny ,im glad you seen them ,saw one over xmas ,the one were father jack drinks the
drain cleaner ,and they think hes dead lol,,,i quiet often say feck and fupp alot
round here ,i can get away with it ,and dont get into trouble off fran lol
the dvd has 6 episodes so were watching one a night to make it last ,,,,,,
i think they only made 13 episodes before he deid ,,,,you know what im gonna do lisa if i dont get into heaven oh yes IM GONNA KICK BISHOP BRENNAN UP THE ARSE LOL and for all our freinds who may read this and think me and lisa have lost it ,this was truly a great comedy and if you get the chance watch it ,,,,,,,,,,take care lisa ,thanks for making me
laugh ,,,,,lots of love to you and mark ,,hugs ken xxxx

[xn728]

hi everyone hope your feeling ok ,,fran and i have been ,married for 31 years ,,this mounth on the 24 january ,,,i remember all those years ago ,being told by my family and what freinds i had it would never last because i was bad ,and would never be anything ,,,i could feel the hate at our wedding dont know why they even came ,,,,we did not have much money at the time but we loved each other ,,fran walked into my life and saved me from certain death thats true ,,,i gave her a little note on our wedding day ,,titled A PROMISE ,,she got it out of her secret place the other night ,and we shed a little tear together ,,,it says simply ,i will love and look after you forever ,,and i will be true ,and give you everything i can ,,i love you FRAN ,,and here we are ,,two people bonded together .weve seen hard times and bad times ,,but you can love someone so much ,but believe me ,you can still grow to love them more ,,
i wish i could do something special ,,but she gets that treatment everyday
so were do i look mmmmmm?,,,,hugs ken xxx

[lisalou]

Aah, what a heartwarming story. Love conquers all.......

[xn728]

THANKS LISA ,,yes everyone condemed or marrige ,told fran i was a loser
i dont have an high opinon of myself ,,but i proved em all wrong ,,,
you can see from the pic were happy ,,,oh no im mean yppah ,,,,lol
so i must try to treat her this year ,,,hope your ok lisa ,,did you understand the list on your post about the clash listings ,,,,see you soon
ive got work tommorrow ,,think ill put my thermals on ,,its colder in the shop than it is outside lol ,,,hugs lisa ,,,,goodnight ,,ken xxxx

[xn728]

well the anniversary present has been put on hold due to my decent into
a darkness i have not endured in many years ,,last night while walking the ferrets in the garden ,,i was in the shed ,,running a blade up and down my arm ,,not cutting but just alone and at the end of my teather
i dont know if this is the kickback from the long holidays ,,the boredom of the shop ,or just life getting to much ,,it worrys me i dont normally do that sort of thing with the blade ,,i think i was wondering if it would hurt ,or if i was brave enough ,,i think i would do it without fear or pain ,,but i could not do this terrible thing to fran ,,im a man i made a lot
of promise,s that i will honour ,,i think it was just a thought that if i hurt myself i may get some help,,but if i did this thing it would cause more pain ,,i must try not to think this way ,,its not healthy ,,and its not the me
i know ,,i would not hurt myself ,,but the fact that i thought of it hurts me
enough,,,but as you know when your alone in the dark ,,you become frightend,,and you do strange things im sorry if ive upest or made you worry .past or present ,,you must understand my pain as i do yours
never leave my side my dear freinds ,,thanks ,,,,hugs ken xxx

[xn728]

i have felt better since my ermgency appmnt with the doc this morning ,
it seems like my local gp hasnt given up on me ,and showed ,me his stern side ,when he told me i should see him more ,,i told him there was nothing that could be done to help me ,so i didnt want to waste his time ,,
this did not go down well ,,and he told me that he would be the one who would decide what they could and couldent do ,,and that if i did not visit him how could he help me ,,,he gave me a polite telling off,,,
so he has given me duloxatine ,,witch i start in a week ,,,so now i have hope ,,and already im thinking good things and not the very dangerous things ive been thinking about doing just lately ,,,things i would only do when i was 19,,,fran and the girls want to take me for some food tonight
i dont really want to face this ,,but i will put them first as usaul ,and put my im a normal person face on ,,,,the doc wants to see me every 2 weeks
and i will have to have my bloods checked mounthly ,,,,,,,i let you know how the meal goes ,,and hope to talk a little later ,,,i hope your all feeling ok ,,and lets hope tommorrow will be better than today for all of you my
dear freinds ,,,stay very safe ,,hugs ken xxx

[Misty]

(((((Ken)))))
I will start from your first post and work downwards. So first....HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! to you and Fran. Not many can claim over 30 years being together and that says alot. Bless those that truly honor wedding vows which you two obviously have done. For better or worse, right?
Your doctor sounds like he really cares for his patients if he can go so far as to tell you like it is so listen to him and give this new med a chance, please. He isn't giving up on you and obviously you shouldn't either. The frustration of other things not working can be why you think nothing ever will work but give it another go. And lastly...do you have anything special planned for your anniversary? Whatever the next day brings you will always be together bound by love.

Take Care & Hugs Always,
Misty

[xn728]

hey (((((misty))))),nice to hear from you ,,ok firstly let me get this down before i fall down lol..i went for that meal and it was fine ,,ok i drank 2
pints of good english beer ,,witch i should not have done but to hell with it ,,well i feel great ,,havent had a goodtime like this in years ,,i know in the morning when i wake up i will feel terrible ,,but ive had a good night ,and its given me a break ,,ok misty my dear freind ,ive felt that bad i havent given it much thought about the anniversary ,,but im feeling a little more
optomisitic about the future now with the new meds starting soon ,,so ill get my act together and get fran something nice and i think well have
a nice meal again ,,and ill take her somewere nice during the day and treat her .thanks for your comments on our marrage ,yes we are proud of our time together ,all my family told her i was no good and we wouldent last long ,thank you misty ,,im so glad you replyed to my post ,,its been a while
i hope your ok ,,and not feeling to bad ,,dont be a stranger misty ,,,,,
hugs ken xxxx(((((misty)))))PS MISTY FRAN HAS JUST TOLD ME IT WAS 32 YEARS AGO TODAY WHEN WE FIRST MET ,,,,,,,,