confused about my feelings

[mysterygal67]

Part of me just wants to give up. I am tired of being hurt. Maybe i wasn't meant to be with anyone. I am going to confront him today. He keeps asking me what is wrong and I keep saying nothing.

[shatteredhopes]

...I've felt that way too, that I should just be alone or will always be alone. But maybe, as a friend said, I should just refine my selection skills. I was abused when I was young and think I pick jerks sometimes as a way of abusing myself. People sometimes show you signs of who they are in the beginning, but seeking companionship and in the excitement of falling in love, we overlook a lot that maybe we would see if we could think more objectively. I need to love myself enough to back away sometimes.

I don't know your situation, but good luck confronting him. Be strong and if you decide to forgive and stay with him, or if you decide to leave, either way, you can find support here...as I said before, its soooooo hard to go through depression and difficult/sad events at the same time. I am posting a lot to get it out...kinda my on-line journal. Writing helps me.

Maybe think about writing out your feelings before you talk to him? Talking it through with a friend? Preparing in your mind what you want to say? I sometimes get emotional and can't express things...I hope it goes okay for you.

Be strong! You can do this! I care and believe there is someone out there for you! You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and that includes faithfulness and loyalty.

[mysterygal67]

Well, I confronted him this morning. He blew up at me. He told me to disconnect the computer. I am looking for a place to stay right now. He said there is a reason that we don't have sex. Then why is he looking elsewhere if he can't have it because of his medication? Im holding in there.

[shatteredhopes]

I don't know about him, but I know my ex I think used on line women to feed his ego and low self-esteem. From what little I know of self-esteem, on my good days, I know it comes from doing esteemable things, acknowledging our good qualities, working on our defects and owning up to our mistakes, and how we treat others. Not from being unfaithful! Some people need a new person over and over to feel that first blush of love to lift them up. Either way, that's unhealthy and damaging to you and the relationship.

Good for you for confronting him, standing up for yourself, and considering walking out if you need to to save yourself. His defensiveness and explosion are probably from shame, but he shouldn't take his mistakes out on you...forgive me if I am crossing the line. But you deserve better. Congratulations to you for loving yourself enough to demand better and not putting up with it. Be proud of yourself. I know that's not much comfort when you are hurting. But you were right not to ignore what he did. GOOD FOR YOU!

I am thinking of you and wishing you peace.

[Monty]

Good for confronting him and for looking for somewhere else for you to live.

We are all rooting for you.

[mysterygal67]

well the ex took me for child support. I only bring in 1100 on unemployment. He gets 322 of that? How am I supposed to survive on that? I would just like to go to bed and never get up.

Sorry, needed to vent.