Loss of Emotion

[Silver]

I'm not sure if anyone else here feels the same, but occasionally my mood shifts from the normal down and depressed feeling to being completely numb. It's as if I've forgotten how to smile, frown, laugh, or cry... Instead, all emotions are replaced with this strange neutrality. I've learned to be decent at faking a smile or laugh for the sake of those around me, and a few people were surprised to hear that I was depressed. Has anyone else here experienced these same feelings, or lack of such?

[ogz]

Hi there i read your post and i can say im the same sometimes i wake up in the mornings and have a clear head a feel wot everyone else feels. soon after i can feel nothing and be so numb i want to do things to myself or hit out just to feel normal. at least just to feel some kind of feeling. that could last days or hours and i have no clue where i am with it at times. like today for example i felt ok not the best bit down and ive felt normal for a few minutes as soon as i notice it im back down in that dark numb of a pit and cant control it. so im the same and im stuck and have no idea how to help myself or get help for it.

[TrustingInHimAlone]

Hi- I know exactly what you are describing... and to me it's devastating. At times, I feel nothing at all- not for myself, my kids, my girlfriend, or even my God. It's a hell I would never wish on anyone..

[Silver]

Thank you, to both who replied. I apologize for being gone so long; I've had a rough summer. I still have the emotionless, void of a feeling from time to time... I feel I've accidentally hurt a couple people who are close to me because of this and my changing moods. But I'm trying to find distractions; I have a new, four month old sister who I've been caring for. She brightens my day. But I'm nervous because soon I'll be leaving for college, so I won't have her with me...

I wish both of you the best of luck. *hugs*

[WhatAboutMe]

Anhedonia - the inability to experience pleasure or joy. This is what you are describing and it is the very nature of depression. You are still so young, and I am sorry that you are having to deal with this when life should still feel so exciting with the promises of a bright future...I often felt the same way though when I was your age. Your baby sister is a source of joy, and the thought of leaving her is scary for you, the thought that she is the only thing that helps you fight the anhedonia. When you get to college, do yourself a few big favors: 1) join a club or team or group of some kind that meets regularly. The socialization is critical and activity with others helps you "stay out of your own head". 2) seek out the counseling resources through your school - most larger schools have a counseling center that is free for students, hope yours does too. 3) study at the library or out in public somewhere - it forces you to keep up your appearance to a certain degree (no wallowing in your pajamas all day), and it might provide opportunities to interact with new people and new ideas that certainly won't happen sitting alone in your dorm room. 4) resist the temptations and rampant opportunities to use alcohol/drugs as your source of recreation - these will only make the depression worse and also bad decisions that one makes under the influence can be devastating (physically, socially, legally, financially, emotionally, mentally, academically, etc...believe one who knows). (((hugs))) to you Silver! Good luck at school and hang in there!

[Numbing Ocean]

I know exactly how you feel silver. I almost always feel the cold void of emotions, i hope you can recover from this.

[Search]

Often the pursuit of happiness, leads people to feeling less. It's no surprise to me, with much of the emphasis on buying bigger, better and easier ... that we struggle to feel complete ... We are often bombarded with how much we are missing; if only we would buy this or that ...

So it is that we are often led, to feeling incomplete. The illusion of living such a shallow existence, but of course the more we have, the bigger the smile and greater the void.
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Just one view point ... no doubt there are many more.

Getting to that point of despair, that robs one of emotion point blank ... is often referred by some, as a necessary bottom before climbing begins.

Then, the only way is Up ... as all else has bottomed out...all else is rather trivial ... there's no more room to reason, except the space required to move.

Hang in There ... I'm on the bottom rung as well ... but shall struggle to give a semicolon and bracket....every step need not feel. Perhaps when we no longer focus on our emotional state ... maybe then something real, begins to grow. ...every spark need not ignite.