I'm new here, but certainly not new to depression. I was formally dx with it my senior year of college ('93) and have had memroies of growing up w/ low selfesteem inflicted by both my mom, and my 4 older sisters. When I was 8 my mom raised my neice from my 15 yr old sister - even making me share a room w/ her. LOTS of dynamics around that. I had a dance instructor who always told us how fat we were & my mom insisted I go even though I hated it. I finally quit after my dad died (suddenly)at my age 13. He worked alot as a senior engineer for a auto manufacuturer, so I didn't see him much. The family always joked that once I came along, all we could do was go camping b/c the fun things were now too expensive for one more kid. My mom became absent once dad dies, leaving my sister who hated me to raise me. She & I are closer now, but it was miserable from the time I turned 14 until I left for college. All through high school, always on the edge of the popular crowd, but no real best friends. Much like my family - always along the fringes with nonone to be close to. Went away to college with the hopes of finding friends, even joined a sorority, but only made one GOOD friend who ended up stabbing me in teh back. My otehr friend (not in my house) she & I are still friends, but she doesn't understand my depression. I have to hide it ALOT I met my wonderful husband at college, and I think he felt a connection to me b/c his mother is nuts too, just in a different way
He's great, but has a hard time understanding what I'm feeling b/c he's by nature a very happy, positive person. I try so hard to follow his lead, but some days it's impossible. We have a beautiful almost 7yr girl who is the only reason I'm still living. The events of this week have been especially trying & I am literally on the edge.
I'm a new nurse (have my master's in something else & did hospital risk mgmt for a while as well, so healthcare is not new to me). I've been orienting on a 12 bed ICU and overall am enjoying it. I just has an excellent 90 day review but las tweek I had an especially busy day - 2 very sick pts. Well I apparently wrote down some documentation that wasn't accurate. It was absolutely not intentional but NO PATIENT HARM resulted, and I've had some real mind-changing revolations about my practice (even before this mistakes were brought to my attention). But I'm now suspended & am in real fear of losing my job.
So I am beyond destraught b/c if I lose my job, not only will no one hire me w/ that kind of record, financially I'll be ruined. At elast if I had a fatal accident, my family would be taken care of financially.