Uncertain (triggering material)

[ADarko]

I'm not even sure if I am depressed. Im having a hard time reading my feelings.
The reason I joined this site like ten minutes ago, was because something just happened.
I started crying like crazy, shaking and almost had trouble breathing. It's happened before, but nowhere near that intense.
I just don't feel right.
There's always been days where I feel down, I stay in bed days in a row, cries a lot, have dark thoughts etc,
but I've always thought it was like that for everyone.
I throw up alot when I'm feeling stressed too, sticking my fingers down my throat.
I've given suicide serious thoughts at times, and I remember at a young age,
I would make suicide notes in my diary, trying to find just the right things to say, like in preparation.
THAT, I've realized, can't be healthy.
I've always thought and known, somehow, I won't live long enough to watch my nephew grow up.
I've actually thought about seeing someone at times, but I've never gotten around to it.
I know I'm not okay, Im numb all the time. I crawl into my own little world.
But I'm not sure I'm depressed or it this is normal, and I don't know what I can do to help really.
I am 24 years old, but regarding this, I feel just like a teenager again.

[hollyann]

Hi Adarko. We can't diagnose you here but you really need to talk to someone. It sounds like you might have depression or some other related illness. The other sounds like you might have an eating disorder.

You need help and reaching out here is a step in the right direction. This isnt normal to feel this way and do these things. It might be what has been normal for you, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Talking here, therapy, meds, all that are things you can do to help yourself.

Hugs
Holly