Not totally sure

[py_sue]

Hi, I know that this isn't a substitution for an actual diagnosis, but I think I'm looking for more conformation than anything. First off, the word depression isn't a word that I take lightly, at all. I feel really uncomforatable using that word to describe myself. Not that it's a bad thing, I just cannot describe myself that way.

I've had anxiety problems for years and years and I know how to recognize that and make it go away on my own without much if any medication. I would only take something if it was to help me sleep. That was my main goal, to get to sleep. Now, it's an all day thing. There's a tightness in my chest that I can't get rid of. I feel a major sense of dread like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, if you get my meaning. Like I'm just waiting to get in trouble for for someone to catch me doign something wrong. Yes, there is a sense of a kind of anxiousness that happens. I know that there isn't anythign to fear, butr I cannot get rid of it. I sleep horribly, but that's been part of the anxiety, so that's no surprise to me. I don't want to do anythign but stay home and watch tv.
I am in school right now. The subject matter isn't difficult for me, but I can't focus and concentrate on what I'm doing. The simplest things are not sticking in my brain.

I just never feel as though things are going to get any better and that sucks. I guess I'll say it, I get sometimes flashed of images in my brain of me ending it, I suppose would be the term. I am NOT suicidal. I do not feel as though that would solve any of my problems, at all. But that fact that my brain is showing me things like that really freaks me out. Kind of like a cold bucket of water to the face. I think I just hit a wall that I can't seem to get over on my own.

I do have an appointment with a new doctor, but that isn't for a few weeks away yet and I don't know what to do that will release some of the pressure so that I can at least regain some normal functioning for the next few weeks.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hi py_sue,

Welcome to the forums, pleased you found us. First let me tell you there is a chat room connected with this site, and it is very helpful to talk to people that are sharing the feelings you are.

You have taken the first step, getting an appointment with a physician, this is a plus. Please remember depression doesn't care the person it picks, from children up. I deal with depression, part of my life and shame on anyone that should judge me. We don't ask for it, it just happens. But you are going the right path to get proper help. There are many meds out there that can help, so yes please make that appointment.

There are no professionals involved with our site, just peer support and I know you will receive that here in the forums and the chat room.

Take care, stay as firm as possible, all we can do.

Warmsoul