My Story: Help with Relatives

[im4au]

Hi everyone. I realize that this forum maybe for those suffering from depression. I am a relative of two family members with depression. My father has had depression since the 1980's. He has been on medication since that time. He has progressively gotten worse in the past few years. He is almost 80, and I'm sure growing older is a reason that it is getting worse. He is grouchy all of the time, he shuffles his feet more, he makes strange noises along with other small things. He has a general doctor who prescribes the same medication every 6 months. I don't know for sure what it is. He doesn't share that with me. He and my mother (around the same age) fuss all the time about stupid things. I realize they are both elderly, but my father really needs help, but won't go anywhere to get help. I don't want to have to put him in a home as long as they are able to live alone and take care of themselves well. Any advice?
I also have a sister-in-law who lives with us. We live in the family home. There are 4 living children, and all of their names are on the deed to the house. The sister-in-law moved in when she was evicted from her house a year and a half ago. She does not work, she does not pay any bills. She does buy some groceries, I guess she may get food assistance. She shows some signs of depression. I don't know what kind of medication she may or may not be on. She stays inside all of the time. She hardly goes anywhere except to shop for food occasionally. She is up and around the house at all hours of the night and morning, slamming doors and making noise. Our bedroom is on the third floor, but her room is on the main floor and we still hear everything. She does not clean the kitchen, especially the stove. I guess that's one of my pet peeves. She washes a few dishes and leaves a lot, comes back, washes a few more, leaves some. When she finally finishes, she doesn't put the dishes away, she just leaves them in the drainer or sits them around on the cabinet tops. That's just a few things. She doesn't do anything to help clean or maintain the house. I'm sure it doesn't cost a bunch to have her living here, and that is really not an issue, we make enough to pay the bills. This is the issue. She is a college graduate, extremely smart. She graduated from a local university and has a masters from Harvard Business School. Just being accepted at any program at Harvard is impressive to say the least. Now, she does nothing. She stays in the house all of the time. She is not seeking help so that she can get better. I don't know the extent of her illness because she is a very secretive person and will not tell you anything. I do feel that she is taking advantage of us, but I also know she has an illness and needs help. We are willing to help her however we can, but don't know how to go about talking to her. She has made it clear that we are not welcome in her personal business.
Please help me to help my relatives. It is just as frustrating having someone with the illness as it is to deal with it. I welcome any advice. Thank you.

[crystalgaze]

This may not be the answer but perhaps moving out, if you can, might be best for you?

The reason I say that is it may be better for you. You don't have to be up under it, in that way, & you let the chips fall where they may (e.g. problems with bills, etc.).

Sometimes it's better to help from a distance. You may not even be able to help, the manner in which you want. If people are being secretive, I'm not sure if there is anything you can do. You keep yourself available/open, but perhaps, it is best to move. Take care of yourself.