Convincing People You Have Depression

[BrokenPen]

I don't know why this discussion is bothering me but it is.

I got into this discussion with someone about how I had depression and how I had said this:

"Unfortunately it is difficult to convince people of that. Especially with depression people think you're just being emo. Kind of goes to prove something that I had discussed in psychology once: how people seem to sneer and scoff at depression."

He said this: "Did they also cover how being diagnosed probably makes you think it's okay to be depressed? It sounds like you've accepted it. It's a MENTAL illness, try fighting back. And you'd probably find more people go through depression than people who don't, so don't act like you're the minority."

Am I thinking too much about this discussion or is it just that there are too few people outside of this forum that has very little empathy for people like us?

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( BrokenPen )))))))))))))))))))

Know a young man that had some damage done from playing football. People would say, 'he's not as bad as he is acting', when in fact he isn't allowed any sports that can cause jarring of the brain. So this fine young man that was very active in sports can now only do walking, bowling, target shooting, things that are calm. No skiing, no football, no basketball and even no baseball. Sucks huh?

Point is, people aren't him, they aren't living in his body or mind. Same as with depression. They don't understand for it isn't happening to them. There are people in this world that if they can't live it, see it, touch it, well it doesn't exist and whoever IS dealing with it should 'get over it'. If life was that simple, right?

Same as with other diseases. Cancer, they reply, do chemo. Heart, have surgery. Easy fixes! Wrong. Now I am telling things about me, something I don't always do. As a child I had heart issues. As an adult they have just grown. I have a blockage, have for years, that can't be done with a simply fix. Too close to the heart, so the doctors are waiting for me to have the major heart attack, then they will do open heart surgery. Have had people say, 'Well get it done now!'. Not the way it works. Doctors know what is best and I must put my faith in them.

So see, if they don't live it, they don't know it. My depression is there and over time I have learned who I can share my feelings with, and who I can't. I don't need their opinions to tell me how I feel, what I should do and how to do it. Show me your degree, that you actually know what the heck you are talking about, then maybe I will listen to you.

Sounds harsh but at least not as hurtful as some people can be to us.

((((((((((((((((( BrokenPen )))))))))))))))))) we are here for you, always. Don't forget that, please.

Warmie/Jeanie

[crystalgaze]

I know it can be hard to do, but I would not bother with that conversation & that individual. The reason? It shows EXTREMELY HIGH IGNORANCE, and in short, it's not worth your time.

(((((((((( Warmie ))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((( BrokenPen)))))))))))))))))


In the case of the many young men who can no longer play active sports anymore, I hope that they can overcome that trauma. They are not any less of a man/person because they cannot do what they used to do. Technically, there is still a choice, but the question becomes: Is playing that sport/those sports more important than my life?

If the answer is 'NO', then there are other things to do: become the biggest fan/spectator/commentator/admirer/coach/play video/simulation games/etc. If the answer is 'YES', as in a sort of sports are my life thing, then perhaps, the problem lies in limiting one's options too much. Keeping/developing a broad perspective on things/life might help.

Those are just a few thoughts.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Crystal )))))))))))))))

This young man has accepted the things 'he can't do'. He is finding enjoyment in the less physical sports. He has such a positive attitude. His feelings are he can continue his education, be a productive person, care for himself and go on with life. He took that lemon and is making lemonade with it.

Proud to know him and finding I am learning from him. This is great! (Have told him so too!)

Warmie

[koalaburger]

I have saved so much energy over the years not bothering to try explaining things to people who will not ever understand. Anyway those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

It's funny you should all be discussing this. As I was leaving the office I partially heard a conversation, that from the little I heard of it, sounded rather like one of those " So-and-so should just pull themselves together, everyone's got problems, but we don't let it get in the way of work..." sort of conversations.
It may well be true that a lot of people are ignorant of that which they have not experienced, and there are some people who can rather seem to have all the warmth and empathy of a thrown brick!
But, I wonder if a lot of peoples attitudes toward things like depression, may well be influenced by fear.
Perhaps a lot of people take refuge in a comforting delusion about things like depression. It's a very simple, very comforting illusion that works as follows:

A person, ( Scared of things like depression, even if they won't admit it, or perhaps without even being aware of it...? ) comforts his/herself by thinking as follows...

( 1 )People who have depression are just weak, or somehow inherently flawed,

( 2) I/we are not weak or inherently flawed, therefore depression will never, CAN never happen to me/us.

It's like unemployment. It's a lot more comforting to believe that:

( 1 ) All unemployed people are lazy.

( 2 ) I/we are not lazy, therefore I/we will never, CAN never be unemployed.

Perhaps for some people facing up to the SHEER REALITY of the real world, where anyone can have depression, anyone can have a job today, and be " downsized " tomorrow is just too scary!!!!

[Monty]

I have found it so true that if you haven't lived with depression there are no words that can explain just what you are going through.

I think that is why I like reading books on depression that have been written by those, who have actually experienced it.

Someone once actually used the words and I have mentioned this before "that I should put up my socks and just get going with life". I wish I had been quick enough to reply. What if I am not wearing any socks?

[Obayan]

Sadly, there is stigma attached to us. There shouldn't be, but there is. I see it as just another hurdle to jump over when i come across it. I try to educate those around me so they can understand a little better and maybe be a bit more compassionate. I stopped hiding what is going on with me a long time ago. My family, they see what i'm going thru and have for a while now. They understand a lot more than the average joe out there on the streets. but if we don't speak up... if we don't show our true faces and feelings.... how will it ever change?

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( TackingIntoTheWind and Monty )))))))))))))))))

Just need to say it is good to see you both.

Warmie

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Thanks (((( Warmie ))))!!!!

[Monty]

You are right that there is quite a stigma attached to have a diagnosis of depression. I used to live in a small town and I was so afraid that someone would find out that I was ill, and that they wouldn't let their kids play with mine.

Then one day I decided that I had hidden enough, and I wrote an article to our local paper. Those of you who have been around have heard this a before so be patient.

It started " I am Monty Stewart and I have depression. From saying that, the sky isn't going to fall, what will happen is that I have been freed from a secret that I have kept for a too long"

I then went on to explain what my depression meant to my life.

Of course I was somewhat concerned on how it would be accepted. I was very pleased when several people came up to me and thanked me for writing the letter. One person said that she got her kids to the kitchen table and discussed it.

Now, when the situation seems right, I will mention that I have depression and it is amazing the number of people who say that they also do, and want to talk about it.

I am so proud of my daughter. I have been ill since she was a little on. Now she is an adult and early last summer she joined the board of the Canadian Mental Health Association in the city that she now lives in. She was so excited about it and is looking forward to her first meeting in September. I think that she will be a valuable member for them. She knows "just how it is"

[BrokenPen]

You are right that there is quite a stigma attached to have a diagnosis of depression. I used to live in a small town and I was so afraid that someone would find out that I was ill, and that they wouldn't let their kids play with mine.

Then one day I decided that I had hidden enough, and I wrote an article to our local paper. Those of you who have been around have heard this a before so be patient.

It started " I am Monty Stewart and I have depression. From saying that, the sky isn't going to fall, what will happen is that I have been freed from a secret that I have kept for a too long"

I then went on to explain what my depression meant to my life.

Of course I was somewhat concerned on how it would be accepted. I was very pleased when several people came up to me and thanked me for writing the letter. One person said that she got her kids to the kitchen table and discussed it.

Now, when the situation seems right, I will mention that I have depression and it is amazing the number of people who say that they also do, and want to talk about it.

I am so proud of my daughter. I have been ill since she was a little on. Now she is an adult and early last summer she joined the board of the Canadian Mental Health Association in the city that she now lives in. She was so excited about it and is looking forward to her first meeting in September. I think that she will be a valuable member for them. She knows "just how it is"

Exactly. Honestly, people talk about having medical problems like heart surgery, broken bones, breathing trouble, and so on, but when it comes to the mind nearly everyone seems to cringe.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( BrokenPen ))))))))))))))))))))

Good to see you, welcome back!

Warmie

[earlycoyle]

As per mine knowledge and experience not all depressed people who want to help. I had access to the depth of it and I think it just part of who I am. I also think it feeds my art. When you embrace their darkest feelings, you have control over them. Medications may include a deeper problem of the soul.

[Monty]

earlycoyle,

What you said about, not all depressed people want help, is true.

I am glad you have found the way that works best for you.