Hear my story

[Candyycanne]

I am addicted to winning
When I win I get cocky...
When I get cocky I become mean...
When I become mean I push everyone away...

I am slowly becoming more and more lonly and no solution. Latly I have put most competitive things aside, but the friends I still have say I have changed. I don't believe this is depression and don't want to. But a friend said I should seek help. People say I am in a withdrawl state and now just not fun to be around.

My addiction may go from a friendly game to a normal conversation, but whatever happens I must win!

People told me that I was a outspoken and fun kid. I was always a person people wanted to be around. I played many sports (now just lacrosse). I had many friends and my grades were A B and maybe 1 C student. Now they are low D's and F's. I am not ever angry only quiet. I never argue anymore nor do I fight. I avoid all competitive things.

I was addicted to video games seeing as how I am a only child and never had any brothers or sisters to be with. I had a lonly childhood for 10 years. Then I changed schools. I lived a great life had tons of friends and felt on top of the world. This stayed the same for 3 more years. Then came high school things changed then I became quieter lost many friends to drugs and even I fell into a drug state for a sort period of time. Lucky for me I got out of it! Now people say I have hit rock bottom on my addiction. My parents have taken everything competitive away and I am left with only yelling at my friends to feel good. My life sucks right now yet I now others have it so much worse than me.

I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone has any advise for me?

[shatteredhopes]

You sound really angry, as well as possibly depressed. I am not judging you, but sometimes people who are super competitive and addicted to winning either have low self-esteem and need that charge of one-ups-manship to boost themselves, or the opposite, not considering their peers as equals but somehow feeling superior, and constantly proving it to themselves. Mind you, I am not a mental health professional, this is just what I have seen.

I would think it would be worth it to see a mental health professional and talk about these issues. They might have some helpful coping techniques and help you with your anger issues so you don't drive everyone away.

Welcome to the forums! Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[hollyann]

Welcome to the forums and I agree with what shatteredhopes said. You really should seek help.

[Monty]

Welcome to the forums candyycann,

I agree that it seems like you have a lot of anger built up inside.

You should try to find some help somewhere. I am not sure if you are in school and would have a guidance counsellor available.

You might just even start with your gp, maybe s/he could get you in touch with someone who might be able to help.

There is help out there for you. Sometimes it seems a little difficult to find but it is there.

I don't know where you are but maybe you could even phone somewhere like a local crisis line.

I think that you need to start somewhere.

Also would encourage you to keep coming here and letting us know what is happening with you. We all listen well.

Take care

[sophia_90]

they are all correct..

honestly, i sometimes feel that way. i want to win and be the most successful person in the world. i look up everyone as my competition and i detach myself to someone whom i know is better than me.

but i have controled it now and i can be friends with everyone one now.

if you have not overcome it, maybe you should really seek a professional help.