There is something that has been very interesting in my journey (to recovery). Other people have probably experienced this, too.
Here goes. One of the most astonishing things I've seen, besides my own pain + other people's pain, is people, "friends", who abandon you during hard times. My dad has often described such persons are fair-weather friends.
Throughout my trek, I have been deserted by many, many a time. I am only glad that I did not let that drive me crazy for too long a length of time or keep me sad up till now.
They can go fly a kite! Screw them!
Edit: I received an email today from a {former?} friend who was "glad I was doing better physically & mentally"--no thanks to that person! We'd known OF each other for close to 15 years!
Oh please... I'm not even sure he even meant it, but I do not care. I have him where I want him--which is away from me & I refuse to go back, until I have a proper apology for how cruel he was to me (which I WILL NOT hold my breath for EVER).
He believed that I was just being "lazy" & that I should just "get over it", when I really, truly, genuinely was ill. Some "friend" that is...
I am probably still ill, but perhaps the worst of it is over... ?
Deserters
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
ALWAYS ROOM ON MY HORSE FOR TWO
you wont be deserted here (((((onika))))) were all your dear freinds ,ive been away for a week ,,but only to carry out repairs to my broken mind and body ,i will always return ,and theres always room on my horse for 2
hugs ken xxx
hugs ken xxx
((((Crystalgaze))))
Good for you! Your heart has been hurt but it heals. It's not like you lost anything of any importance. Anyone that will leave a friend in need will have that happen to them one of these days and nobody will be there for him. You are all the better for it and moving on. Glad you are getting past that point of hurt. There are better things ahead so hang in there. You always have your friends here that, even though we can't physically be with you, we are in our thoughts.
Take Good Care of You,
Misty
Good for you! Your heart has been hurt but it heals. It's not like you lost anything of any importance. Anyone that will leave a friend in need will have that happen to them one of these days and nobody will be there for him. You are all the better for it and moving on. Glad you are getting past that point of hurt. There are better things ahead so hang in there. You always have your friends here that, even though we can't physically be with you, we are in our thoughts.
Take Good Care of You,
Misty
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crystalgaze
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- Location: USA
Thanks Misty & Ken!
Ken, you're SO right! Gotta love the forum for that! Just so you know, that one wasn't for you! I have left for a bit myself, so that would just be me calling the kettle black!
What has happened to me for most of my short life is having people abanndon me, especially my so-called "friends"... I know there comes a point for self-preservation.... It's just it's a shame how it all plays out, which in the end just shows they were using me (& silly me not to see it).
_______________________
It's also funny that as I posted this I ran into someone from school yesterday & she said that they were planning a reunion. (I'm so glad I'm not on facebook, now more than ever.) At 1st, I thought, "Yeah! That would be cool!" Then, I remembered what I went through with those same classmates. It was a bit of a trigger. I do not believe I will attend. Count me out of that....
Ken, you're SO right! Gotta love the forum for that! Just so you know, that one wasn't for you! I have left for a bit myself, so that would just be me calling the kettle black!
What has happened to me for most of my short life is having people abanndon me, especially my so-called "friends"... I know there comes a point for self-preservation.... It's just it's a shame how it all plays out, which in the end just shows they were using me (& silly me not to see it).
_______________________
It's also funny that as I posted this I ran into someone from school yesterday & she said that they were planning a reunion. (I'm so glad I'm not on facebook, now more than ever.) At 1st, I thought, "Yeah! That would be cool!" Then, I remembered what I went through with those same classmates. It was a bit of a trigger. I do not believe I will attend. Count me out of that....
morning onika
ITS OK ONIKA ,,ILL ALWAYS BE AROUND HERE SOMETIMES I MAY NOT SPEAK THATS ALL ,,THERES ENOUGH OF ME IN HERE TO LAST A LIFETIME
take care my dear freind ,you will never be used here ,,we care so much
and i know you know that ,,,,,hugs ken ,,xxxxxxPS DONT YOU GO ANYWERE AGAIN (((((ONIKA))))),YOU WERE TO LONG AWAY LAST TIME
DONT MAKE ME COME IN THERE AND BOX THOSE EARS ,,LOL ,,HUGS
KEN XXXXX
take care my dear freind ,you will never be used here ,,we care so much
and i know you know that ,,,,,hugs ken ,,xxxxxxPS DONT YOU GO ANYWERE AGAIN (((((ONIKA))))),YOU WERE TO LONG AWAY LAST TIME
DONT MAKE ME COME IN THERE AND BOX THOSE EARS ,,LOL ,,HUGS
KEN XXXXX
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I guess if I get any more personality changes, I will just go to the doctor....
But seriously maybe I will just have to go. It's not so bad after all. Kinda funny at times, too!morning onika
its good that we can see the funny side (((onika ))),,i like my depression ,as you know ive said brfore i wouldent know how to live without it ,,,,lets laugh at it more in the future my dear freind ,,its not all doom and gloom is it ,,,,,im glad your back ,,,onika ,,and im feeling better know ,,a little tired and aching but it will pass ,,hope yoiur ok today ,,,be careful ,,,,,,hugs ken xxxxx(((onika )))
Crystal,
Like dandelion, you can't run away from me.
For as long as I can remember, I have had the fear of abandonment, always lurking closeby.
I think that it is because I hate myself, I can't see any reason for anyone who doesn't have to be with me (I can't escape myself), to stick around in my life.
If I look at it rationally it makes sense. People do spend time with me, who don't have to. I am not that bad a person. Still in the back of my mind I fear abandonment.
My biggest problem with others that call themselves my friends, is that often it seems like they are telling me to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" my reply is "what if you aren't wearing any boots.
Thinking of you.
Like dandelion, you can't run away from me.
For as long as I can remember, I have had the fear of abandonment, always lurking closeby.
I think that it is because I hate myself, I can't see any reason for anyone who doesn't have to be with me (I can't escape myself), to stick around in my life.
If I look at it rationally it makes sense. People do spend time with me, who don't have to. I am not that bad a person. Still in the back of my mind I fear abandonment.
My biggest problem with others that call themselves my friends, is that often it seems like they are telling me to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" my reply is "what if you aren't wearing any boots.
Thinking of you.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Where's aim? I'll stick to her too! ~LOL~ 
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Deserters Part II
I just remembered a different kind of deserter.... I had 1 of those....
When I was really down, I had someone who would pass remarks.... as I call it... It's like throwing stones...
Whenever I talked about any kind of difficulty, the person would see it as me complaining & then ask if I haven't done X yet (when they darned well knew the state I was in on the back of that). There was no real encouragement; it was more of a "shut up & just deal with it or whatever it is you're going to do".
This person was a doctor. It is at this point that I will say perhaps it is best that she couldn't pass those tests to be able to practice. With that kind of attitude, she probably would have done more harm than good.
Now here's the rub: She suffered with depression herself. You would think that perhaps she would understand because she has lived it herself. NOPE.
Oh well... I remember messaging her & telling her that I was doing relatively well. Now that I'm reporting good news, she is all quiet. I guess misery likes company & not only that she was nothing more than a big bully. That's it. In her head, she must have said, "Yeah, I have someone I can dump on now. Oh yeah! Woohoo!"
She can eat ___________ & die.
Oh sorry... That display of emotion was a bit extreme.
All in all, I DON'T MISS THAT KIND OF DESERTER.
When I was really down, I had someone who would pass remarks.... as I call it... It's like throwing stones...
Whenever I talked about any kind of difficulty, the person would see it as me complaining & then ask if I haven't done X yet (when they darned well knew the state I was in on the back of that). There was no real encouragement; it was more of a "shut up & just deal with it or whatever it is you're going to do".
This person was a doctor. It is at this point that I will say perhaps it is best that she couldn't pass those tests to be able to practice. With that kind of attitude, she probably would have done more harm than good.
Now here's the rub: She suffered with depression herself. You would think that perhaps she would understand because she has lived it herself. NOPE.
Oh well... I remember messaging her & telling her that I was doing relatively well. Now that I'm reporting good news, she is all quiet. I guess misery likes company & not only that she was nothing more than a big bully. That's it. In her head, she must have said, "Yeah, I have someone I can dump on now. Oh yeah! Woohoo!"
She can eat ___________ & die.
Oh sorry... That display of emotion was a bit extreme.
All in all, I DON'T MISS THAT KIND OF DESERTER.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU XXX
Well (((((onika)))),,i dont need to know who this refers to ,,but you know i will never desert you ,nice to see you here my dearest freind ,,,
lots of hugs ((((((((((onika)))))))))),,,always here lots of love ken xxxxx
lots of hugs ((((((((((onika)))))))))),,,always here lots of love ken xxxxx
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crybaby1086
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