Not sure where to start?

[HeavyHeart]

I have been having feelings of depression for a while now and not sure why. Tonight I felt really sad and thought I would try to find a place where I could reach out to other people about this, I hope this site helps.
I'm 30 years old, single, and have a job that keeps me on the road. I have an awesome family and many wonderful friends, but at the end of the day I feel so alone. It has been over a year since my last relationship, which really tore me apart. I have always been a strong girl, but he really rocked my boat. I find when I meet people now I become scared and vulnerable and expect them to leave me. I try to go into each situation with an open mind, but I live in this fear.
I just don't want to feel lonely anymore and it seems like the more I try and put myself out there, the more I get shot down. With the new year upon us, I have been trying my best to have a positive attitude about life and remind myself I am blessed in so many ways. I will be fine for a while, but then I just feel so lonely and cry. I use to have confidence in myself and don't know where that went?!? This is the first time I have ever reached out to a source other than my friends and family. I hope this place will bring some light in my life. I just don't know where else to turn? I have been thinking about seeking medical attention, but just haven't had the time to set anything up. I don't know if anti-depressants are the answer, well I'm sure they won't fix it all, but maybe help cope?
I guess my biggest fear is spending the rest of my life alone. I have many people that love me, but as for a partner that seems so far off. I want to believe in myself and have confidence that I deserve something great, then I think well some people never get that chance and why am I any different than them? I know I may not find the answers, but maybe there are some people on here going through a similar situation.
Nice to meet you all

[xn728]

WELCOME TO THE FORUM HEAVYHEART ,, you feelings are the same as many sufferers on this forum ,i to have a family ,and i also feel alone a lot of the time ,these feeling are sent by depression to trick and confuse us ,so dont worry your not alone in the way you feel ,,it would be a good idea to see a doctor and chat about how you feel ,,im not gonna comment on tablets and medication ,because were all differant and what works for one doesnt work for another ,,this is a wonderful forum and you will make many freinds here ,,we will give you support with our kind words ,and you
can read about our differant problems on here dont feel alone here we are many and you are amoung freinds we understand how you feel ,,this is a long road we travel ,and sometimes you may stumble ,so reach out and we will catch your fall ,,,talk more when you feel ready ,im 51 and joined here last april
and now i have lots of dear freinds from all over the world ,speicial freinds
indeed ,,i hope you find what your looking for my dear freind hugs xn728
xxx

[Mich]

Welcome HeavyHeart - I cannot really add to what Ken said. I am glad you have found us and I know that you will find many caring souls here who understand the suffering that depression brings. They will reach out to you with much kindness. I hope you will keep posting and help us get to know you more.

[HeavyHeart]

Thank you for the warm welcome I'm really glad to find a place where other people really know how it feels. I appreciate the kind words!

[hollyann]

Hi and welcome, meds do help things to the point that we can find ways to cope and to heal. I know it will be hard with you being on the road a lot but maybe with preparing in advance you can give it a try. Also you may want to try to set up counseling for when you are back from the road. We will be here for you to talk to as well. Once again welcome

hollyann

[Monty]

Hi HeavyHeart,

It brought up old memories when I read that you worry about letting people in and then them leaving.

That is a feeling that has plagued me for my whole life. Whenever I let someone close to me and them appear to like me back, it seems like I get into the mindset of, I will drop you before you drop me.

In essence I just torpedo relationships. I have gotten over that to a certain extent but I know that I dislike myself so much, I can have no comprehension on how someone would actually "want' to spend time with me. Figure that they just feel sorry for me and eventually when they feel what kind of person that I am, they will dump me.

Probably both of us need a little more self-confidence because you mention that you have an awesome family and good friends.

I am presently going through a period of figuring that i am pretty well the scum of the earth. I am planning to go to a professional tomorrow and air some of my concerns.

I agree that making an appointment with your gp, or some other professional might be in line for you. It might turn out that you don't need meds, that maybe just talk therapy might work for you. Somewhere you can go and unload your feelings. For me it helps.

It also helps me to be able to come to this forum and just sit down and type. Many members have been very supportive of me over the year that I have been here.

We will give that to you also. People that you can lean on, but who are not going to judge.