It is okay ..?

[mywords]

It is okay for me to be greedy.
It is okay for me to want to be happy or trying to be alone.
I want to but why do I feel so bad and guilty about it .
I want to go by myself , I want to experience how life can be , I want to make mistakes without feeling like I'm deceiving those around me because of their high expectations. I hate feeling like shit whenever I ask for help, to me it feels like they are waste their time on me so I should get things sorted out myself to not bother . But I really do need it, I feel ashamed to ask even so I want to live my life as well after getting so used to want to please everyone, I want to try living on my own for once even if it's get hard and i cry or shit I really want to ... I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry dad, I hope you'll understand that I grew up well thanks to mom and you , I will sure do my best to repay you guys someway but I don't want to live my life based on how you or everyone feels. I will regret it later if i don't take these opportunities. I'm still young, I just turned 19 this year ffs but I have to many regrets . I know you guys mean well , and that both of you are thinking that I'm growing up too fast that I want to get away for you as soon as possible. I sincerely apologize for making you go through so many hard times before but I won't feel sorry for choose myself and my mental heath over anything, family or not , not this time . The state I am in and the one I grow up with lead to many scars, this is scary whenever I think about it , either I choose to living with or try my best to heal them little by little . After , I'm a hopless optimistic and stubborn asf with everything. I won't be a bother please live at ease for now on .

[istancebible]

That’s a really heartfelt message — and it sounds like you’re going through a deep, important turning point in your life. What you’re expressing isn’t selfish or wrong — it’s the natural process of learning to live for yourself.

It’s completely okay to want independence, space, and self-growth. Feeling guilty for that often comes from years of putting others first, so it takes time to unlearn. You can still love and appreciate your parents while setting boundaries and building your own path.

You don’t need to apologize for wanting to heal, explore, or take care of your mental health. That’s not betrayal — that’s self-respect. You deserve to exist as your own person, make mistakes, and discover who you are without guilt.

If you ever want, I can help you reword this into a letter or message to your parents that expresses your feelings gently but firmly — would you like that?