How to get past...

[chris_wi]

Hi. New here, so I'll go into who I am a bit. My name is Chris. I'm 37 and in the middle of a very difficult, stressful divorce. My ex filed and caught me early on, when I still thought that I had an obligation to take care of her. End result, I ended up getting $1000 per month from my checks and ended up with about $1500 a month in bills. I was pretty stressed out, and some issues came up. I ended up getting my own lawyer after a bit, realizing that I'm the only person who can take care of myself. The divorce was supposed to be finalized in October. However, when it IS finalized I'm getting an extra $850 a month to live on. As such, she's in NO rush to finalize and has intentionally delayed multiple times. However, all of this leaves me hurting. Most recently, she has filed for Bankruptcy, causing me to file with her (as we are technically still married).

What am I building to... I made a mistake. A HUGE mistake. I took a piece of equipment from my work. I stole it. I intended to just pawn it, get a loan, pay it back and return the item. However, things snowballed. Today, the police brought me in and questioned me related to the investigation. It went to they came to my apartment and took the items I still had to return to the employer. I've NEVER done anything like this before. I did wrong. I admit it. I'm willing to do what it takes to make it right. but, the more I think about things, the more that I want to just "close the book" on everything. currently, the only thing stopping this is the thought of my kids, but I wonder if it wouldn't be better for them if I wasn't here any longer... I don't want to do it, I really don't, but I want to make things good for my kids.

My marriage was abusive towards me to the point where I was cut off from all of my family for ten years (the length of the marriage) and I have no friends I can talk it. It was "discouraged" by my ex for me to have any type of a support network. and, I've never been good at making friends. i'm alone, depressed and just want to try to reach out. Talk to people. Get to know people. even people I can email with or chat with.... And, anyone who's been in this type of place, what did you do to get back to a good situation? I just want... I just don't know. Anyone? Anyone out there? I hope so....

[cupolatte]

First, I’m sorry for your stressful divorce, and the way things have snowballed from there. I can see how you might want to “close the book” on everything. I’m glad that the thought of your kids is stopping you!! That’s a fantastic reason not to. You are one of the three most important people in their lives. You, their mother and God. Please consider seeking God for direction and purpose. He loves you and cares about you and will be found by you if you seek him with all your heart. I will be praying for you!!

[chris_wi]

Thank you. I went to visit my kids today, and told my (soon to be) ex that I wouldn't have them out too long today, I just wanted to see them and spend some time with them due to things that were going on. She told me that she knows I don't have a lot of people that I can talk to, so if I REALLY need, I could share with her. I made the mistake of telling her a few things, that I've been massively depressed and was going to see my doctor tomorrow (Tuesday) to get back on my medication (paxil) and see if that helps... She went and called the crisis line and had the police come to the restaurant I had taken the kids to. She came and took away the one thing I had, the time I had with my kids. we were doing so well, having fun and it actually felt GOOD. I felt special and important, to them. but she came and took it away from me. She told me that I was important to my kids life, and then she showed me I'm not by taking them away. It's like she wants me to be out of their life.

[100footpole]

Chris_wi,

My brother's divorce went along similar lines as yours. You will have a tough row to hoe. The most important thing to do is remember the irish blessing: Allow me to Change the things I can, To Accept the things I can't, And the Wisdom to know the difference.

I think the most important thing you can do is to realize that life is a long process, and that mistakes are OK. It is better to expect decency, and to not get fooled the same way twice. It is hard not to become bitter and suspicious, I have said that is something that has happened to me. But, it is also an impulse I fight.

Your kids will continue to love you, even when they say they don't. Pick out a book that you think will help, and let me know what it is, I will read it with you.

[cupolatte]

No one can take away the fact that you ARE important in the lives of your kids, & that they DID have fun with you, or that they WILL remember the good part of your time with them. It’s so awesome that you gave that time to them. It’s also tremendous that you’re going to your Dr. to get back on your med, I believe that will help you a lot. Some people think they don’t need it anymore when really should keep taking it. Don’t give up, Chris-- In the future you will be able to tell her you are feeling better and hopefully resume having time with the kids. In the meantime try to find the next steps you can take to make a better world for your kids: look into getting a new higher paying job, work at keeping the lines of communication open with your wife for your kids’ sake, as you have learned, protect yourself by not telling her too much, Pray to God. He cares and will direct you when you ask Him.