My year and a half of Hell

[Hawke53051]

I know I hadn't checked in in awhile. I'm still alive. But medical things have popped up for everyone. I got hit with Bell's Palsy in March. Saw a therapist for that for a few appointments. Got exercises to do. Officially got diagnosed with ADD and depression. I've been seeing a therapist and am on meds. I still don't feel like socializing with anyone.

Still unemployed. Been trying to work with an organization that works with people with disabilities that helps find jobs in the area. But unfortunately it's a long & tedious process. it takes FOREVER to get results. I'm still not over the breakup with Lynn. it's hurting me every day. I can't get emotionally close with anyone.

Connie has made it known on multiple occasions she'd like to marry me. I was married once for about a month. She was in an abusive marriage for 7 years. I was the only one who didn't hit her or abuse her. The girls still use my car.

They both got approved and are now on disability. I'm the only one that doesn't have an income. And it's making me frustrated. Tammy's been taking care of the gas, car payment, rent and electric. she yelled at me the other day she's getting frustrated paying for everything. Granted she was under ALOT of stress (see below)... i'd LOVE to pay her back, but I'm not in ANY position to do anything about it.

I applied for disability recently. now it's just the waiting. in the meantime I'm struggling. I hate relying on people to pay for my stuff!!

Connie has been going through her own stuff. She's gotten her diabetes and bi-polar under control, she has had a cancer scare with her thyroid. She had her cancerous thyroid removed recently. She's for the most part doing well.

Tammy, on the other hand, (poor kid!!) is another story. She's still battling depression and bi-polar. She's been diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease, Stenosis, fibromyalga and has 3 bulging discs in her back. (She's 24!!!!) She's on another flavor of the minute. She skypes and talks with him on the phone every minute of every day. She calls him "Daddy" (a BDSM term which she's VERY much into!!! "Any other kind of a relationship is boring") and it REALLY bothers me. She has been sexually and verbally abused in the past, raped mulriple times and has had an addiction to Vicadin. EVERY time she goes back into the BDSM stuff she ends up getting hit, raped and emotionally hurt. Her mom & i have told her our concerns MULTIPLE times and we get the "you don't understand" and th "I'm an adult" card. when we ask her to make us understand, she clams up.

We were getting closer and spending time together but then Connie got diagnosed with the thyroid thing & she resumed her hiding & ignoring me.
She got a copy of her psych records, and the shrink she was seeing said her pain (which is VERY real) was all in her head, she was fat, she needed to exercise (she's got athsma!!)... She left him and on advice from Connie & myself she's at the same mental health complex as I am.

She's been put BACK on Litium (which was messing with her liver previously despite being given her medical records!!)... Her issues stem alot deeper than what she's letting on in her sessions.
She says "nobody knows the real me except 1 other person and my b/f.." I can read her like a book. It's mainly posturing. But she DID take me by surprise by saying she's bisexual. I don't know if she really is, but I suspect that it's to please her flavor of the minute b/f. She tells Connie about her sexual exploits but i'm in the room too. Her mom isn't as open minded about sex as I am and I've discovered she's a sexual chameleon. Whatever her partner's tastes are she adapts. She's very standoffish.

When her mom or I question her or try to advise her she, again, pulls the "I'm an adult" card.

So, that's about it... Looking forward to the comments,
~Hawke~