Stress & Trying to Cope

[xista]

I find myself feeling down and quite antisocial lately. There is so much going on in my personal life - the fact that I don't have a job, and that I've become the caregiver to my elderly mother has changed my life in ways I did not anticipate. Lately I am unable to find a good night sleep, and I am constantly worried about our finances and my mother's health.

The stress has affected my mental stability. I find myself doubting every decision I make. I hate the fact that I'm unable to maintain a job because my mother's health issues and treatment always come first. I feel like I've stopped caring for myself and completely become the parent here.

Sometimes it feels like there is an elephant on my back and it is slowly crushing me. I have no time to myself, I have no friendships anymore, and I find myself constantly struggling to motivate myself to even go outside.

Its hard to explain but it feels like I no longer have the drive and motivations I had when I was younger. I no longer enjoy life, and somehow my life skills and coping skills have completely disappeared. All of my dreams are gone. My social life has gone as well. Nothing motivates me. I spend my time between medical offices and daily routine, that consist of only preparing meals and giving medication. The rest of my day is spent seating in-front of my computer or watching television.

A few months ago I packed our bags and moved to a new state, hoping that this new home would give way to a fresh start where I can fulfill some financial stability and find my mother greater medical care. It has been rough, nothing has worked as I hoped. And now I'm stuck. I know I need to keep moving toward my goal but the obstacles on this journey take all of my strength and it is wearing me out mentally.