I could Use some advise.

[Alanneon]

Hi There, my name is Alannah.
I'm 16 years old, in college and a little stressed out. I'm having some trouble right now and i could use some advise. From January 2013 up no now, i feel like things have been pretty awful. I'm going to start from January last year and hopefully someone can give me some advise when I'm done.

So this time last year i was preparing to do my final exams at the end of year 11. This was obviously a stressful period for everyone. Also around this time, my Mum and Dad got a divorce. it had been a long time coming and things at home were awful when he was around. I won't go into too much detail, but he was just grumpy all the time and was drunk a lot too. I have a good relationship with hime not that he's gone but for some reason him leaving and moving far away hit me hard.

Around May - August of 2013 I had resorted to self harm. I don't know why i did it, i honestly don't remember that much from that time period. All i know it that i liked it. It helped. And now, a few months later, I miss it terribly and think about it constantly. I was having troubles with anxiety at this point too. I went to a doctor and they just told me that i was having trouble with anxiety - something i already knew. They were completely unhelpful.

I had a friend that was also struggling with exams and started self harming. She has now dropped out of sixth from and has been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. She always seems so down and i feel so powerless to help and i just feel so awful about it.

I started college of september 2013 and the change in environment was great - I loved it. I improved a lot. I did a presentation with nothing but a bright red face and clammy hand to show for it. (This is a major improvement from Secondary School!)

But since then, i think things have gone downhill. I did a presentation recently with the same people as before infront of the same people and was shaking horrible, struggling to breathe properly, bright red, sweating and all that good stuff. It was horrible and i don't know what happened.

Since around November time i feel like I've had a personality change. Things i used to love doing (like playing video games) i now have no interest in and when i do play them i don't enjoy it nearly as much. I feel like I;m angry all the time - i get worked up so easily now days. I used to be a very tolerant person! I notice myself being rude and blunt to people and i feel so guilty but i can't help it. The college work-load is really stressing me out. Its gotten to the point where i have headaches almost every day i attend college and i just want to cry all the time. I think it's making me ill. I've also taken days off because i just can't cope with the stress.

My closest friends are struggling. One of them is battling Depression and Anxiety and the other is struggling with gender issues. I just don;t know what to do. I can't help them and i feel so hopeless. I can't cope with my own life and i have my two closest friends struggling with theirs too and i just don't know what to do.

My Mum is constantly stressed about money which makes my sister grumpy and miserable. I just hate my life at the moment and i hate myself. I want so badly to cut. I stress about everything all the time. I can't relax my diet changes form me eating nothing one day and not stopping the next. I feel like there is no order in my life and i have no one to talk to and vent too. I feel like the last few month my thoughts have been all over that place. My mind is just whirlwind of thoughts of self harm, self worth and whether it's worth it.

I'm just so tired. Tired of feeling hopeless all the time, tired of feeling nothing but nervous energy, tired of the headaches and the pain.

Is this Depression? I don't know and i can't keep living like this. I have friends at college but none i would consider a true friend, you know? the only true friends i have both have problems of their own and i don't want to bother them.

I know this sounds really stupid but i need opinions. Is this something to be concerned about or am i just being a stupid teenager? Is this Depression or am I being dumb?

I could really use some advice. Please and thank you.

[siadamia]

first of all u r not stupid.. in your life situations were bad .. parents divorce can hurt any one.. just try to spend your time with the things that you love to do.. do meditation,.. try to change yourself in a possitive way and change your environment.. if possible. believe in yourself.. just before your presentation revise it and present in with no one around.. practice on your weak points.. write down all the feelings on a piece of paper.. and write down the positive aspects of that.. every thing happen for some reason.. thats all the matter of time.. try to spend some time with nature.. go for a walk .. excercise.. hope this all may help you..

[4EverMe]

Siadamia, I love your ending quote. That is so very true.

Hi Alanneon,
You do have the many symptoms of depression. If I were you, I'd find a different doctor. It seems that the last one you saw was either preoccupied
or a major quack. You have a lot of issues going on that I believe you need help with. (I relate to many of them, but have overcome the big 'angrrrr issue.') LOL!
I would also remove any of the extra things that have you feeling burdened and overwhelmed. Maybe a couple of classes?

Oh, be sure to convey the issue of your self-harm to the new doctor. This will be something that shows them that you're genuinely depressed- not just a little stressed.

I'm here if you need to talk. I have depression and Panic Disorder, and PTSD. It's okay with me if you needneed to vent! Afterall, it's healthier to release it rather than to hold it all in.

Hang in there, okay? Please let us know how you're doing.

[4EverMe]

Just want to say" Thank you for the nice msg!"