Where to start? The beginning I suppose. I was born with a serious congenital heart problem and had survey at age nine. Several other nagging medical issues and long drawn out family feuds and by age 20 I was suffering anxiety depression disorder.
Major trigger for me is my health but also a catch 2 where I get depressed about feeling anxious and anxious about feeling depressed. I'm not on meds any longer and I didn't really feel they helped me and were more of a hindrance if I needed meds for my other conditions.
These past few months have been really trying. My work moved office and spend 3 hours a day travelling debut they pay me too well to change job. My brother was been unemployed for 3 months with their 4th child on the way and my mum just got her final warning from work so she could be facing unemployment too. And my nan has cancer.
I've just been feeling like a balloon that can't pop until today when it all hitched fan. Came I to work today to find someone has written next to my name on our kitchen roster "is a slut" . Plain for the whole office to view. I was mortified and could not speak. Got sent home by my boss for 2 days stress leave while they find out who did it.
Got home and spent 3 hours crying on my Nan's lap.
My main issues are that I worry about everything. I worry mum will lose her job and who will look after nan and pay their mortgage, how will my brother manage with 4 kids and no job, I worry my heart won't make it to the next surgery or that I will be evicted from my rental. I can't stop.
I have to somehow tell my mum that her attitude at work is a problem and if she wants to keep her job she needs to deal with. Not sure how to manage that without falling apart.
So after 15 years my dragons still have teeth.
A quest. Filled with dragons.
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Ooh dragons, I like the metaphor.
Welcome Assilem. you seem to have been backed into the dragons lair.
It also seems no use to say you have to take care of yourself fist; you both know that (have been dealing with it for years) and know you have a job to do in trying to sort out your family.
I agree, you can't stop. Stopping doesn't help, but focusing does. And so, [hope these suggestions aren't annoying. It sounds like you've been trying things for a while.] remaining focused on you will help. For instance remembering that you are valuable at work (because people wouldn't be picking on you if you weren't one of the dragons teeth yourself). Also I don't know enough about your brother, but it sounds like you might have the strongest work ethic in the family. So keeping your core strengths in mind might help you feel a bit more in control.
But delving a bit more deeply, I wonder what are the attitudes of your mum and brother that put some higher purpose over keeping a job, feeding the children, keeping a roof over their heads. You don't seem to have that same priority. Please, if your comfortable, tell us a bit more about your family.
Thanks for sharing,
Frame
Welcome Assilem. you seem to have been backed into the dragons lair.
It also seems no use to say you have to take care of yourself fist; you both know that (have been dealing with it for years) and know you have a job to do in trying to sort out your family.
I agree, you can't stop. Stopping doesn't help, but focusing does. And so, [hope these suggestions aren't annoying. It sounds like you've been trying things for a while.] remaining focused on you will help. For instance remembering that you are valuable at work (because people wouldn't be picking on you if you weren't one of the dragons teeth yourself). Also I don't know enough about your brother, but it sounds like you might have the strongest work ethic in the family. So keeping your core strengths in mind might help you feel a bit more in control.
But delving a bit more deeply, I wonder what are the attitudes of your mum and brother that put some higher purpose over keeping a job, feeding the children, keeping a roof over their heads. You don't seem to have that same priority. Please, if your comfortable, tell us a bit more about your family.
Thanks for sharing,
Frame
Hi frame,
It's hard for me to think of myself first. I was raised by my mum and nan after my parents split up so I watched as mum sacrificed everything in her life for me and my brother. So it's the example I was brought up with that you put your family first
My brother is a gentle person and has just had the bad luck of working in an industry that is shrinking presently. He's had 5 jobs this year, 4 closed and made him redundant and the last one he quit as he didn't like the service ethic of his boss. Thy moved away to a more affordable areas o I don't see them as much as I would like. My brother and I were very close as kids and I miss him. But he has a wife and kids and that's important.
My mum on the other hand is a stubborn and angry person. I guess raising 2 kids on your own when one has a serious medical issues is hard after seeing you own dad walk out when you're a teenager makes you hard.
We work together in the same company and she is convinced that they are trying to get rid of her because she's nearly 60. A majority of the staff in the office are 22 and even I have trouble trying to get along with them. I under stand that it's humiliating that your team leader is younger than your son but you have to put that aside and put on your false face and get through the day. It's a job and you do things you have to do. Back chatting and being stubborn isn't going to help.
For me it's about my family. I've always been taught that family is the most important thing and I would do anything I can to support them. And I am helping my brother financially for now for the kids. I adore my niece and nephews and since I am in the best position in my family that makes it my responsibility to look after them all.
I can't sit back and let them fall. But it worries me how I can manage if mum does lose her job. How do I support 3 households?
I feel a bit selfish too as I have a well paying job and even if it isn't my dream job it pays my rent and allows me to travel and have a lifestyle and I don't like the thought of losing that. But I would if I had to. I just wish my family could catch a good break for a bit. But that's naive.
It's hard for me to think of myself first. I was raised by my mum and nan after my parents split up so I watched as mum sacrificed everything in her life for me and my brother. So it's the example I was brought up with that you put your family first
My brother is a gentle person and has just had the bad luck of working in an industry that is shrinking presently. He's had 5 jobs this year, 4 closed and made him redundant and the last one he quit as he didn't like the service ethic of his boss. Thy moved away to a more affordable areas o I don't see them as much as I would like. My brother and I were very close as kids and I miss him. But he has a wife and kids and that's important.
My mum on the other hand is a stubborn and angry person. I guess raising 2 kids on your own when one has a serious medical issues is hard after seeing you own dad walk out when you're a teenager makes you hard.
We work together in the same company and she is convinced that they are trying to get rid of her because she's nearly 60. A majority of the staff in the office are 22 and even I have trouble trying to get along with them. I under stand that it's humiliating that your team leader is younger than your son but you have to put that aside and put on your false face and get through the day. It's a job and you do things you have to do. Back chatting and being stubborn isn't going to help.
For me it's about my family. I've always been taught that family is the most important thing and I would do anything I can to support them. And I am helping my brother financially for now for the kids. I adore my niece and nephews and since I am in the best position in my family that makes it my responsibility to look after them all.
I can't sit back and let them fall. But it worries me how I can manage if mum does lose her job. How do I support 3 households?
I feel a bit selfish too as I have a well paying job and even if it isn't my dream job it pays my rent and allows me to travel and have a lifestyle and I don't like the thought of losing that. But I would if I had to. I just wish my family could catch a good break for a bit. But that's naive.
Yeah, thanks. I'm awaiting further surgery and no idea when that will be. My health has always been a trigger for me.
It also makes things hard at work since I don't drink alcohol and don't like telling the people I work with about my health issues. So they all think I'm a tea totalling snob. So I don't go out with my work colleague, since who needs that added stress?
They just can't fathom that not everyone wants to spend time with people they work with all day if they don't have to. I have other people I would rather spend my down time with.
I'm looking into some contingency plans, seeing how much of a home loan I could get, sorting out my superannuation. Things like that. In case.
Also heading to see my doctor Monday to see if maybe it's time for counselling again. I would prefer to avoid meds if possible but it's been a long time and I'm sure there have been advances in side effects and things, so I'm not closing myself off completely from the idea.
It also makes things hard at work since I don't drink alcohol and don't like telling the people I work with about my health issues. So they all think I'm a tea totalling snob. So I don't go out with my work colleague, since who needs that added stress?
They just can't fathom that not everyone wants to spend time with people they work with all day if they don't have to. I have other people I would rather spend my down time with.
I'm looking into some contingency plans, seeing how much of a home loan I could get, sorting out my superannuation. Things like that. In case.
Also heading to see my doctor Monday to see if maybe it's time for counselling again. I would prefer to avoid meds if possible but it's been a long time and I'm sure there have been advances in side effects and things, so I'm not closing myself off completely from the idea.
My latest thoughts on drugs. You were one of the people I was thinking about.
Depression Forums Forum Index -> Articles and Essays | Medications: Experiences and Advice : "What meds are you on?" -> [My reply] Frame: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:24 am
And yes it is closed minded and colloquial, to expect people to want to work and play together. But it's usually management that demurres. So, without knowing your situation, the team may think your putting on airs. Perhaps there is some way to let it leak out, that will give you a little breathing room. Does any of the management know?
Frame
Depression Forums Forum Index -> Articles and Essays | Medications: Experiences and Advice : "What meds are you on?" -> [My reply] Frame: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:24 am
And yes it is closed minded and colloquial, to expect people to want to work and play together. But it's usually management that demurres. So, without knowing your situation, the team may think your putting on airs. Perhaps there is some way to let it leak out, that will give you a little breathing room. Does any of the management know?
Frame
I had a seriously long talk with my mum over the weekend and explained my feelings with the whole situation. She admitted to overreacting and I helped her draft an apology to her boss.
But now today someone else has complained about here because she told them she was busy with a customer and she'd help them soon. So now she being dragged up to Hr on Monday about her attitude. This time I think its unfair, but if I say something I could also get targeted send I really need this job.
Not to mention in a witness tom another incident at the office so I'm stuck in the middle of that meltdown. Why do people always feel the need to unload their problems on me? It's really draining.
I'm seeing a physchologist tomorrow.
But now today someone else has complained about here because she told them she was busy with a customer and she'd help them soon. So now she being dragged up to Hr on Monday about her attitude. This time I think its unfair, but if I say something I could also get targeted send I really need this job.
Not to mention in a witness tom another incident at the office so I'm stuck in the middle of that meltdown. Why do people always feel the need to unload their problems on me? It's really draining.
I'm seeing a physchologist tomorrow.
It's my opinion Assilem, that we get moulded into roles within the family, and that we tend to fill the same sort of roles outside the family. It's what we are familiar with. It's not that we like the roles necessarily, but they fulfil a part of the family that keeps it whole. When kids leave home they get to try our new roles and they begin to change. That's why it's tough to come back sometimes. You get stuffed back into old roles.
It sounds like maybe one of your roles has been as lightning rod for the family. And it also sounds like you never really had a chance to escape the orbit of your family. And it sounds like, to some extent, you find yourself filling the same role at work. Being very close to your family can re-enforce that role at work. Do these things ring true. Am I seeing things correctly?
It sounds like maybe one of your roles has been as lightning rod for the family. And it also sounds like you never really had a chance to escape the orbit of your family. And it sounds like, to some extent, you find yourself filling the same role at work. Being very close to your family can re-enforce that role at work. Do these things ring true. Am I seeing things correctly?
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