Love, Family, Manipulation,Betrayal,Loss and Regret(trigger)

[Bommy]

Hello everyone!
Here is the story; I am a 21 year old Danish guy, who basically have broken the heart of my girlfriend, and my own in the process.

Many years ago, I lost my childhood girlfriend in an accident, and the last time I saw her a machine kept her alive. She died shortly after my visit in the hospital, and I mourned her for about a year.

My parents have never been very supportive. They have given me a shelter, and food as I grew up. But they've never been 'there' for me. We stopped celebrating Christmas when I was just a boy, because it was too much a fuss for them. So I never celebrated Christmas with my family since then. On a vacation when I also were about 13-14 years old, my dad confessed that his life didn't go as planned. He never wanted to get married to my mom, and I wasn't supposed to be born. That information obviously broke my young heart. But this is just to give you an idea how my family is here.

But after my childhood girlfriend died, the only comfort I got from my parents was "grow up" and "what you felt was not true love". I know it don't sound like much, but again it broke my heart while I was mourning her. But then, about a year or two after her death, I was so lucky to meet a woman online called Louise.

I was still upset, and Louise comforted me. This became the start of a new romance for me. We spoke together over Skype almost everyday, and started to see eachother over webcam. We helped eachother when we were sad, and were a real comfort when something was upsetting us.

Time passed, and we grew very attached to each other. We obviously had a few arguments, like most healthy couples have. We also had a small break from each other, but in the end we always found back together.
We then decided to meet up for the first time. I had to travel with plane, as I am from Denmark, and she was from the UK - so we met up in London. As soon as we saw each other for the first time, it was like falling in love again. Not long after we met, we shared our first kiss.

When I had to go home, tears were rolling down her cheeks. I hugged her and promised everything will be all right. But I had to go home to finish my college.

We then decided that we'd move together, and start a new happy life together. When she suggested that, I was filled with a happy feeling I hadn't felt for many years. So I continued my studies with the happy thought of moving together with her in the UK, and leaving my family behind. All my life, I dreamed of starting my own happy family, and be a better parent than my own ever were to me.

Time went on, and she invited me to celebrate Christmas with her family in 2011. I accepted, as I never celebrated Christmas since I was a young boy. So when I got to see the happy home, filled with Christmas decorations, a Christmas tree.. And so many presents. I've never seen such a thing, except for in Christmas movies. I were so happy, and her family was happy with me.

Again, I sadly had to travel home to finish my studies. That's when things started to turn.

My family started to put pressure on me, saying things like "If you travel to her, you'll never get a good future" "you'll never get a prober education" "you won't be able to support her". They started mentioning it from time to time. As I am used to them being horrible to me, I didn't pay much attention to it.

Louise and I then found a nice apartment in London, and she handled the paperwork, while I stayed home finishing my studies, and earned a bit of money before we moved together. I the finished my exams, took a job, and waited.

During that time, my parents kept pestering me with the things they said before, and started to say that they believed that I wouldn't move at all.
Then something horrible happened. My bank with my lifesavings in stocks, went bankrupt. I lost most of my savings, and I had to tell Louise what happened. She understood the situation, and told me that it was alright if I moved in a little later, while I sorted out my bank business. After some time, I got my money back - but I was very emotional at the time, and I had lost about half of my lifesavings.

During that time, my parents started again; "you'll never be able to give Louise a good future".. And in the end, believed them.
I hid myself away, and Louise approached me to ask if I was sure I wanted to move in with her. And with my parents degrading words in my neck, I told her no.

I broke her heart that day. And I broke my own as well. I never told her how the situation really was. So I took a deep breath, and life carried on. But the regret filled me up for each day that went on. And after about 2 months, I broke down.

I tried to contact Louise, but I was desperate and scared. Instead of telling her how the situation were, I told her things like "I still love you" and "please forgive me".

Now I am aware, that approach was the wrong one. I put a lot of pressure on her, and she was forced to block me from all social media I knew her on.

I broke down again, and cried like I've never cried before. I thought of the future I could have had, and I could have married to woman of my dreams. And could have lived in one of Europe's most exciting cities. Having children, and being a father. All of those dreams I had with her are gone.

I remember how she was practicing pronouncing my Danish surname, because she wanted to marry me. And now I weep thinking about it. Not only did I break her heart, but my own as well. And now I will never be able to tell her how things really were, and how I gave into the pressure from my parents.

And again, their support from my breakdown was "forget her, you'll never get her back." "You messed this up, it's your fault". Even my granddads suggestion were to just end it, because there is no way the feeling of regret will go away.

So here i am, I messed up my own future. I am sad, depressed, and I can't stop thinking about what I could have had if I didn't give in to the pressure. But what I am most sad about, is that I broke Louise's heart. I would have stayed by her side always, no matter what happened. Through tough times, through disease and illness - I'd always be there for her.
I don't like sleeping anymore, because I dream of the life I could have had every night in some way.

But that's my story. People tell me to move on, but it's hard. I have a hard time living with the regret in my heart. I want to reach out to her, but I can't anymore.

So, if you have someone you hold dear.. Keep him or her close to you. You don't know what you have before you lose it. All I have left Is regret and depression.

-Ulrik

[metaLarsllica]

((((((((((((( Ulrik ))))))))))))

Maybe telling your story, makes you feel a bit better, if only for a short time. I would hope forever....


Meta

[Bommy]

Thank you, It did help getting it off my chest. But it still hurts, and the regret still boils inside me.

I just wish I could get a new chance to speak with her, so she would know.

[sunforyou]

Ulrik,

first of all true men never give up. you are healthy and alive the same as she is.
If there is something you regret about you must do something otherwise rest of your life you will regret you didnt try.
So if you really feel this is girl of your dream then leave all fears behind. Again you are a man, so get a courage to write her letter, not email, but hand writting letter, and tell her all truth, that you were afraid you were not so good for her and wouldnt give her good future, write her how all memeories that are in your head and heart (christmas, how she was pronouncing your family name and what you will feel like writting) dont send it by mail, better if you have friends there who could give her this letter personally to her hands or go to give this letter to her yourself.

Remember, good future is spend life with loving and caring person, who feels his/her partner and lives for him/her and your partner lives the same. But its not what your parents ment. You are young, you can achieve great results in your life, but most important is to have soulmate by your side.

[North12613]

If you have any way of getting in touch with her, write exactly what you've told us here. Make it as simple and straightforward as possible.

[Veronica Baracco]

Don't ever let go of your love. Tell her, share with her, she will understand. Veronica