The Plight of Moral Integrity

[MindHalfFull]

An unknowingly wonderful boy lived bound to silence. Great canyons divided him, while the world was a mere stone's throw away. He'd explore open fields joyfully alone. Nothing of himself was conserved, no ounce left for anyone nor anything else. His beautiful nature stayed hidden, but he somewhere deep inside he knew of an untapped treasure. A diamond in the rough, one may say of him. He hid this, for he'd rather be abandoned than succumb to the wrath of the world. He was as impressive and fragile as a ten-foot house of cards.
He has tried and tried to be what others believed he could be. Again and again, gifted with his trust and faith. Again and again when this trust bared no worthy fruit, he watched the enthusiasm drain from others expressions, galvanizing his rule of life to offer nothing, so nothing could be taken. He learned quickly that asking for help only leads to being wrong and not being worthy of help. Being told he is valuable and worthy of help became clearly disproven when his success was not worth other's time.
He had adopted the perspective of his plight akin to an experiment where dogs had two colored buttons to paw. One color gave a treat and the other gave a shock. It learned which color gave a treat and one a shock. The colors were then switched, and it adapted to the change. The next change was making neither color having a predictably gave a shock or a treat, the dog had become psychologically insane due to the lack of certainty of either choice. This boy had been taught that no matter what choice he makes, there is no predictable outcome. This low-level insanity only gave more reason for people to think he is worthy of their care and time.
After many years of trying different ways to grow and develop, the now teenager found himself on the floor of his room staring at the ceiling, looking for formations in the texture for hours at a time. Diving deep into his mind, he asked why he is here at all. His imagination was more meaningful than life itself. His purpose for living had been to learn what others have taught. At all anywhere. His pains weighed his pains and his pleasures, he contrasted with others, leaving his life open-ended and alone. Diving deep, he acquired the image of himself hanging from the roof where his peers gathered at lunchtime to show them the person they chose to give up on.
The perfect day came. The opportunity, the method, the determination to do just that was fresh in his mind to get up off the floor and conclude his failed incorporation into society, into where he belonged. He laid on his floor for almost 6 frustrating hours with the unwelcomed thought of, "It's not right". His life isn't worth surviving, but at the same time it is extremely valuable despite the lack of people's emotional investment. The only chance he has now is to generate his own purpose for living.

He has become limited to doing the right thing hoping something better than himself comes of it.