Self-Medicating/Addicted - (triggering)

[likeapipe]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I am at work so I didn't post a proper introduction. Anyhow I am 25/F.. single working mom. I have had panic attacks/anxiety and depression since I was 9/10 and have been on Paxil or some SSRI ever since.

A few years ago I had someone who pushed me to take prescription pain killers. And I did, I took a lot. Two months later I was in Adult Psych, I was withdrawing so badly, I wanted to jump off a bypass or something. So... when i got out, I never really stopped until last summer when I found out I was pregnant with (what would have been) my 2nd child. I had a miscarriage, and everything went to sh**.

There is a guy I know, and have known for a while. He also, is an addict. Also with pain meds. Anyway long story short, we are seeing each other now. And it's really great. I have had a lot of love for him for a very long time. Things in his life have been really stressful, so I guess that is how it came about... but he has been shooting up. And, I have in the past, so I guess.. I have been doing it, too. I know I shouldn't... but... I want to.

Basically, I have scoliosis and arthritis from C3-T1 in my spine (basically 6 vertebrae in my neck) and I have presciption hydrocodone. I don't know how long I will get them. I can't sustain what I have been doing. I'm just crying here at work, because I feel lousy. All I can think about is how to get money, so I could "feel better"....

But in the long run, it makes me so depressed. I feel so much guilt. I feel like a terrible mother. I feel like I am enabling him. I love him, and he says he loves me, too. And.. I want to be happy. But I can't let this go. The fact that I have legitamite pain makes it harder.

He lives in the home he grew up in. His family moved and he stayed. He has been paying the mortgage for 10 years. He didn't have the money on time this month, and his mom is being mean to him and threatening that he will have to go somewhere else, and it is making him so upset that it upsets me, because I care...

I feel like I need help but I am too afraid to tell anyone the truth.

I just had to.. say something...
I wish I had no responsibilities except for my life.

[Obayan]

Not only are you enabling him, but he's enabling you as well. You have to know somewhere in the back of your mind that this road leads to a dead end. Please seek some help. Talk to a counselor. Talk to someone. But get the help you need to be ok again. As for money, you work, you pay your bills, you play on what's left. If not, then you risk losing everything you have. I really do hope you find the help you are looking for.

[jasikamarshel]

Addiction,the first thing that you can think of is drugs and alcohol,however, there are various other types of addictions people suffer from, alcohol and drugs being most common.you come out from this then Self-hypnosis is an effective approach that can help you overcome alcohol addiction,You are probably familiar with the term rehabilitation because many people find success using this approach,Self-hypnosis can help you take control of your urges and this can help you make wise decisions. This approach helps you realize that you are in charge of your body, emotions and mind. You can overcome the addictive tendencies and focus on other aspects of your life.