strong women

[Obayan]

Why are strong women so intimidating? We get called all sorts of names... stuborn, bullheaded, bitch, obnoxious, loud mouth.... and that was this morning over coffee....

I am a strong woman. I don't need a man to fix anything for me, i can fix things myself, even work on my own car. I don't need a man to support me, I have a better income than most out there nowa days. I don't need a man to hold me up, i spent half my life taking care of everyone else. I don't need a man to find fulfillment, i find that from the things I do. I don't need a man to help me feel worthwhile, i get that from the people i help. I don't need a man to make me feel at peace, i find that inside myself. What I need, is a warm set of arms to let me know I don't have to be so strong. What I need, are soft words to let me know I am loved. You don't have to be intimidated by a strong woman. Just accepting.

[Jeanne]

Dear Obayan,

Men were made to provide for us, protect us, and to take care of us (fix our stuff). If you admit up front that you do not need a man for these things, then in a man's mind, you don't need him.

The question now is, can you accept him the way he was created and appreciate him for what he can do? When he feels appreciated as the provider and protector he will shower you with tender love and affection.

It can be so hard for us to give up that sense of control in our lives. But the reward is more than worth it!

[Obayan]

See, that's what i don't understand. Why should I have to pretend to be something I'm not in order to make someone else's life more bearable? Why can't he be more secure in who he is without me having to play the part of the someone i'm not?

[Jeanne]

You would not be pretending to be someone that you are not. You would be allowing him to be the man that he was created to be. You would be allowing him to share your life instead of keeping him on the edge of it. If you let him help you in certain areas, then you can focus on your strengths and this will build the relationship. Neither of you is giving up or giving in. You would be sharing your lives.

Why wouldn't you want to make the man you love life more bearable? I do a lot for Marty that he could do on his own. He s on a very strict diet that needs freshly prepare foods. I cook for him to show him I love him and appreciate what he does for me. He repairs my car and chops my wood so that I will be toasty in the winter. And he is very happy to do so. Our men want to make us happy. They are do-ers. They are happy when they can do things for us to make us happy. He is not being insecure, he just wants to feel needed. Everyone wants to feel needed.

[Obayan]

I don't think I'm saying this right. I'm not saying I won't allow a man to do for me.... just that I don't specifically need them to. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself and doing for myself. I just don't understand why so many men have to find that as intimidating. I don't flaunt it. It's actually kinda nice not to have to do everything myself. And I'm not saying I don't need a man in my life. Wait, actually, I am saying that. Ok, I don't have to have one, but it would be nice to not be alone. I just wish there was a man out there who can 1) see past the outside to what's inside and 2) be self confident and not be intimidated by a strong will and strong mind.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Obayan ))))))))))))))))))

I am not a strong woman, I know that. I also know that I would want a man in my life, to take me for who I am.

With your charms, looks and intelligent wit, that man will find you. Give it time. You are seeking companionship, friendship, it is there girl. Someone will come along and spoil you rotten, wait and see. I know these things.

Warmie

[Obayan]

He did come along warmie. And now he's gone. I wish he was here. I miss him so much. He accepted me as I am. He knew every flaw and loved me anyway. He knew instead of needing him I simply wanted him and he was amazed by that. He gave me hope, happiness and meaning. He was thrilled that I could drive my own 4 wheeler into the mud for a joy ride, come home and down a beer with the boys, and then slip into a nightie and remind him i'm still a woman. All in the same day. I don't think i'll find that again. He was never intimidated but reveled in my strength. We sat up all night long talking and expanding our thoughts and sharing our ideas. He asked my opinion. He wanted to hear my ideas. He bragged about my talents. So few men like him nowa days i think.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

There is no one to replace him. Don't look for that. All I meant was someone that you can spend time with, share thought and memories with. A totally different thing.

[Obayan]

Ah but I have DU forums for that. and many good friends here to listen.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Okay, but someday I will find someone that will take me as I am and will give those special 'just because' hugs.

[Obayan]

Someday warmie. You and me both hon. We'll find what we search for.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

I am totally sure you will Obayan, you will fight the fight.

[crystalgaze]

Well.... I'll jump in on this one. I have found what Obayan has said to be a problem as well. It is annoying and funny at the same time.

I can be quite volatile, especially when someone who is not related to me tells me what to do. My thoughts instantly go to firebrand mode and I wonder, "Who the F are you?" Usually the tone of voice is just wrong, and it's what irks me. I can be sensitive to that sort of thing.

(Remember, I am the same person that at 13 yrs of age or whatever age I was told my parents that I did not like them screaming and shouting at me and that they didn't have to do so because I was rarely a disobedient child.)

Now, I will point out that telling me what to do, making a suggestion as to what I should do and simply saying something are three different things. I can't stand anyone who will sass me. Sorry! (& no, I'm not actually sorry!) ...Especially when I dang well know, I don't deserve the sass. My reaction is often swift and merciless.