Troubled Spirit/ Trigger

[Hanging On]

My Dear Friends, I would certainly like to be able to tell you that I am feeling better, however that is not the case. I appreciate the concern of each of you as I fight this exhausting battle with my old nemesis. I try to convince myself that I am not being delivered unto the pits of hell as my mind would believe me to be. Reality is a blur as emotion after emotion courses through me. Pain, guilt, pity, despair, and anger are crushing my skull like a vice.

I have seen the cause and effect of depression so many times but it is different when it hits close to home. All I know for sure is my friend is gone from this earth. I hope he found the peace he so deserved. You are free at last Cat.

Cat, the name we both decided on for his recovery. Short for caterpillar. For it is the metamorphosis from one type of life to another. Out of the darkness of depression and into the light of freedom. The ability to change yourself to adapt to your surroundings. He was hopeful of that and confident that he was getting closer to that goal.

Why did he not call? What had to have happened? To many questions to ask but I keep repeating them to myself over and over. I have prayed that if sleep would finally come that I not wake again. I have never felt so helpless. I am sorry that I burdened you all with my troubled spirit. I have made a call to my therapist to call me so that I can try to work through this. I'm not sure what she will say, but it will be a comfort to be able to talk to her.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( HanginOn ))))))))))))))))))))

Picture a beautiful butterfly, with a freedom of the winds.

Things happen, we don't always understand the whos or whys.

Know we are here, reading, listening, giving support.

Hope you get that appointment with your therapist. Keep us posted, please.

Warmie

[dandelion]

((((((((((( HanginOn )))))))))))))

For me butterfly is the symbol of freedom and I quote 'we are all small and appear to be the same(like the catepillar), but as we grow older our true beauty shows (like the butterfly). Like a butterfly, we are all different, and beautiful in our own way'. There are a lot of things in life that we cannot answer, some are better to be left unanswered. Im proud that you call your therapist HanginOn and yes, please keep us update
*hugs* to you

dandelion

[Mich]

I just wanted you to know that I am reading and sending you *hugs* of comfort. I am so glad you are reaching out to your therapist.

[lisalou]

hope your therapist will help you through the grieving process, just take it one day at a time. please please don't torture yourself, your friend would not want you to suffer with guilt