Depression Understood Forums

I have not spoken to a blood relative in over 12 years.
You don't get to choose your family, but hopefully you do get
to choose one or two or a few people to be in your life.
I was abused, yet still kept trying to find a place within my family where I was loved, understood and possibly appreciated. No dice.
When it finally dawned on me (after too much pain while trying) that I didn't get anything positive from my family - no reward for being in contact, nothing emotionally positive or even at the very least financially positive, I realized I had no good reason to keep doing the same crazy thing over and over again. It was very easy, even a relief, to just stop the blood family contact and therefore the pain associated with the contact.
I'm a good and loyal friend to the few that I have. My partner is an amazing artist with a heart of gold. I'm lucky he tolerates me with all of my depression, ptsd, mood swings, social anxiety, etc. etc. I could easily live in a teepee with a couple of cats, hibernating my life away. But he keeps me from that. He has a large family that he loves very much and he can't possibly understand why I hide and cringe at the thought of family.
For some reason today has been very rough. This after a week of generally doing pretty well. Not sure what triggered it. Perhaps the approaching snow storm. I want to self medicate, but I'm fighting to stay away from all that.
Here's to another approaching sunset.

if your family hurt you that much then i think unfortunately you're wise to stay away, as you say, you've tried and tried for say long. i'm really glad you have such a caring partner and that you have found us on this website. sometimes the best family is the one you make yourself

Thank you Lisalou.
I'm only sorry that I didn't wake up and act sooner than I did.
I wasted loads of emotion and time and energy on a bunch of very
self centered, materialistic, cruel people. There is still pain, but not as constant
as before I made the decision that I made. This forum is a very helpful place.

I am glad you have a wonderful partner in your life who loves you. I think you were wise to move on from a family that only hurt you and provided nothing positive. I wish you a wonderful day today.

Indeed to another approaching sunset.....

Good job for fighting! It can be a bit rough as you said, but seriously, good job for enduring....

Take care!

Thank you for the kind words, everyone.
Really - many, many thanks.

It was good of you to keep trying. Here's looking to that sunset...

I also found out in life that it is hard to be close to blood-relatives. It sounds like you have done a good thing, in cutting them off from you. I am sorry that you were not able to do it earlier, but it is great that you have done that now.

Much to the chagrin of my family, I also have found that I have adopted many (non-blood) friends as being part of my family. They are the people that took care of me a couple of years ago when I needed ECT.

Sounds like you a few, good and loyal friends in your corner too.

Your partner also sounds like a keeper.