Today

[Sway121]

Once again I'm full of apologise as I post this. Just in case I'm breaking any rules, but forgive me, I'm not exactly thinking logically today.

Basically, I have had a bad day, thinking things of which I shouldn't, feeling so useless I've not gotten out of bed untill now and I haven't been out of my room yet, I know theres no detail here but I just don't feel comfortable posting it. Hope you can understand.

I know some of you replied to my last thread and I'll just update you. I still haven't quite gone to see a doctor yet, but having talked to my therapist yesterday (she is really concerned aparently, becuase since I've gone to university she's worried I'm going to attempt something stupid again) we kind of agreed that I need medical help. Well I say kind of, she was very insistent and I was hysterical so I wasn't really thinking. Again sorry for the lack of detail here.

I'm going off topic, sorry. Back to today, my feelings have been made worse today by the presence of my flat mates. There's nothing wrong with them. They are increadibly kind, and caring, and despite my actions over the last few weeks they are still keen, or so it would seem, to try and include me and talk to me whenever possible. Needless to say, I don't deserve to be sharing a flat with people like this, makes me feel guilty that I can be so damn selfish or thoughtless on times. Obviously this guilt then makes me feel worse about myself and encourages the bad thoughts and urges I have. I'd love to able to talk to them and apologise for my certain aspects of my behaviour over the last few weeks but I can't bring myself to do it.

You're probably wondering whats the point of this thread, I couldn't tell you. I'm just, you know I just don't know. I just needed to vent I guess. I haven't really vented but I'd feel bad phoning the person would normally help me when I feel like this. So this is the closest I'll get to just talking today, and writing it has taken a lot out of me.

Sorry again if you feel I've wasted you're time, but thanks for reading.

[lisalou]

you're not wasting my time at all,i'm glad you've got this forum to vent your feelings! it can really help just to write stuff down. and don't feel guilty about feeling unable to interact with your flatmates,that's not you, it's the depression itself,robbing you of your social skills,i know from personal experience it can make it hell on earth trying to be with people,even nice happy people - sometimes especialy nice happy people!

i really hope you have a better day tomorrow

Lisa x

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Sway. Sorry I missed your previous thread! (((((Sway))))))

I've had a bad day as well. I still haven't gotten myself together & it's already 7:15pm here. The whole day is gone....

Do what you can when you can, how you can.....

I hope we'll both have better days ahead of us soon....!

[Sway121]

Thanks crystal, lisa

Crystal, sorry youve also had a bad day hope you feel better soon.

ive just re-read what ive writen and noticed and didnt really say anything. never the less im feeling not so down now. having trouble sleeping though.

thank you both for the kind words

[Mich]

Please don't ever think you are wasting our time. Your thoughts and feelings are so important and I am so glad you were able to share them here. We are privileged that you shared with us. I am glad to read in your second post that you are feeling a bit better. Take good care today. *hugs*