Depression Understood Forums

Well.... I have been feeling a little out of energy. It's not exactly tiredness (physical), but I do feel as though I've run out of steam for a little. (Fatigue?)

The best way I can describe it is like being Super Woman or something.... Maybe Wonder Woman, Super Girl & Bat Girl are better for my purposes....

Um, whatever the case, in order to get things done, I feel like I would need to have a superhuman strength/energy or something to get things done. I guess I'm saying superhuman because my energy level is usually just so so or lethargic or 'superhuman'.

How I feel when I'm superhuman mode is like maybe when you do martial arts/sparring/kickboxing.... I've never done those, so I'm not entirely sure the analogy is correct.... It's like kicking/punching & shouting "HAH!" like you might if you've ever done Tae-bo or something similar.

The visual is sort of like I'm invincible/fearless/ready to defend/protect from what I'm carrying or that which wants to derail me. Okay, so that's some sort of ready to fight/defensive pose. Then, I'll get tired & be like, "Wait, time out.... Let me catch my breath." & be like, "Okay, we can get back to this now."

Ah.... I don't know if my words came out right with this one....

I think I've returned a little bit... I'm working at it still....

Edit--10/20: Well, I didn't know where to put this, but I didn't feel like a new thread/topic/post....

I am not sure how I am feeling....Something feels wrong some place.... I have withdrawn from the outside world in a funny (strange) way.... I actually didn't bother to eat dinner. I closed my door.... I didn't really want to be bothered with any one.... I am probably hiding here....

Edit--10/21, 6:21AM Atlantic, no DST: Ever since "Death" came out to 'save' me, it really doesn't want to return to the background.... (It figures...) It's trying to torment me or it's looking for more attention.... (not sure)

The same person I thought about stabbing is the same person, who was nearly drowning in my dream. I have to figure out what my shadow is trying to tell me. It was odd how it happened.

I dreamt I was in college again & that I went to class.... I decided I didn't like the class & would drop it.... (only from a few minutes of being in there) Class was being held at a function.... People were in suits. I was super dolled up... I have no idea where it came from, but I had this elaborate, rolling hairdo.... I was wearing "a little black dress"....

These women in my dream who were standing on the side started talking about me as I had just walked past them & I heard what they said. I gave them finger, doubled back & gave them the fist (since I thought that was better)....

As I was leaving the building & the function, a celebrity was walking. He mistook me for someone else... He spoke to me, sort of looked at me in amazement, & after I shook his hand, he wouldn't let go... So we went walking where I was going.... I hugged the gentleman & kissed him on his cheek. ~lol~ He finally realizes he really did mistake me for someone else.

I see my dad.... He's in a grey suit... He was walking across the street to the building I had just left. I call out to him... He walks up the sidewalk across from me. I ask the gentleman if he wouldn't mind waiting with me a moment longer, as it would make that person's day if he met him.

My dad starts walking across the street... We look away for a moment & then it's as though he vanishes.... The person who comes across the street was a friend & I had to pull her out the street so she wouldn't get run over by a car.

I go back to wondering where my father could have gone & see him splashing/flailing in the river.... Apparently, he fell in & was barely staying afloat... How he fell in, I don't know... All I remember about the last part of the dream before I woke up was saying, "Oh my God! He's drowning!!!"

Well.... It seems like I have some work to do....


Edit 10-26-09: Okay... how about this? I want to get functional, right... I have an idea. I'm going to beat whatever it is that's caught me in its trap because I am certain that it will kill me if I don't get it under control.

& as far as I'm concerned, this is like dying a slow death (but one filled with frustration).

They are waning & waxing or are like crests + troughs of a wave....