help me, I think I'm done

[rainydays]

I haven't been on here in awhile, but today isn't a good day for me. I'm scared, mostly of myself.

I don't know if anyone remembers me or not but I'm now 6 months pregnant. I think I'm done, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I know I shouldn't have looked at his emails, but it was already open, the computer was in sleep mode, he didn't shut it off. Now what? pretend I never saw the classified ad he responded to? looking to get laid?
I'm done
I can't do this

[Whisper]

Boy life can be rough. I don't know your past w/ this person at all. But I don't think you can pretend not to know. Maybe he will still be a good father, even though he's not much of a partner.


jeanne

[crystalgaze]

Hi rainy. Sorry to hear about what's happening. The only thing I could think of is please try to stay calm for both yourself + the baby. Try to take care of yourself. It's stressful, but do try to relax + breathe. Do your best.

I don't know if this will ease your mind, but I would confront him very calmly & ask him if he'll be answering any more classified ads to get laid. I would also add an "Of course, you know I don't approve." Don't get into an argument, though; you don't need that to upset you, but calling him out on it might make you feel better. (I don't know.)

If you are going to stay with him (& he's going to stay with you), my thought at the moment would be not to get pregnant again (at least not for him). Focus your strength on yourself + the baby.

The other thing is: Do you have people around you that you can turn to for support--moral or otherwise? (your mom, friends, siblings?) I don't know all the details about what's happening, but you may, indeed, have to leave him where he is. I hope it doesn't come down to that, but perhaps this is your cue to start preparing--getting a support system in place (besides him), if you don't already have 1.

This is hard, but hang in there. You can do it!

P.S. I tried my best to answer you & cheer ya up a little.... I hope I didn't fail miserably.... I can be bad with expression & words sometimes.... Take care!

[rainydays]

Thanks both Whisper and crystalgaze,
I might just pretend I don't know, it just proves that my thoughts are right, how could anyone want to be with me. I'm worthless, I am nothing. He's at work right now, he knows I'm upset but doesn't know why. I'll just tell him it must have been the horomones. I can't tell my family, they all love him. I do to. And as for friends, I don't have any. I am so down. I need to try and relax for the baby's sake but have no idea where to start right now.

[crystalgaze]

Rainy,

Oh... Please don't tear yourself down, please? You are NOT worthless; you are something! I applaud you because you have done something that I don't know if I could do ever in my life. You are bringing a son or daughter into the world & to me, that takes a LOT of courage!!!

Do you like to write? Maybe you can listen to your favorite music/radio station? Would tea or hot chocolate or something like that help? Do you have a porch where you can enjoy the breeze or something? Do you have a favorite place that makes you happy or where you like being?

You can answer this 1 later, but is it that you can't tell your family because you don't feel they will believe you or they will choose him over you? (This will sound weird, but if so, I would get a copy of that classified ad as well as a copy of him answering it as proof. )

Take care. ~Crystal

Edit: I wanted to ask why do you think that no one would want to be with you? (Is it that you fight a lot with your significant other??) What do you think you are doing wrong?

I'm not sure it would be good to lie & throw your feelings/suspicions under the rug/bus & suppress yourself. That might hurt too & you may stress more than you realize over it. This could harm you more than it already has later on down the road as well as your baby.

I'm just throwing it out there for you to think about at some point. Also, I don't know if your feelings are going to turn themselves off just like that. It might be better to confront him to see what he says about it himself, to look him in the eyes & see what he says.

In the end, do what you feel will work. Love is really great; it's just that you can't allow it to overrun every thing, so that neglect yourself & allow any one to walk all over you.

[crystalgaze]

Rainy, how are you doing?

[Mich]

Rainy - You are not worthless; you are not a nothing. You are someone unique and special who deserves love and caring in her life. I am so sorry that you are suffering so much right now and I really wish you could love yourself...just a little bit. Please write again and let us know how you are doing.

[xn728]

hj rainy ,a stupid man here ,you must reach deep inside and find the strength to go on ,the life within you will need a good mother in this harsh world ,dealing with depprestion will have given you the power to ,hold and love your child ,no,matter what life throws at you ,im 51 and my life has been shit ,the foul demons of depprestion have pushed me to the brink many times ,you will be fine ,ive brought to wonderful girls up with my dark sentinal watching over me ,one day in the future you will look behind you and see the great person and mother you have become ,stand up tall and proud ,you will soon enter a new world ,you will sweep depprestion to one side while you raise your child xn728