It's funny
Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:33 am
It's funny...
I'm not even that down. I'm just tired of life. Oh, so very tired. The years take their toll. There is no EZ-Pass(*) to life. Each time you drive down the same road, it costs. I've driven down so many different roads, and paid so much that I'm just all out of credit.
Oh, I'm just so incredibly tired. The way it used to be(**) was always better, and the way it used to be was my real path. But alas, older, supposedly ideal paths are not passable after so much usage. These paths -- as much as you want them to -- don't lead where you feel you must go. Oh, what a crying shame! I cry out for the old paths, the old ideals of former years. What became of me?
Depression ages. Like someone in their 70s you watch all your friends (metaphorically) die. You watch all you used to know disappear. If you're lucky enough you wake up from the years in captive darkness; but, it's to a world you no longer recognise. You are old; you don't understand how life functions, how it operates, how it really survives. All you once knew has gone. Video hasn't just been replaced by DVD, it's been replaced by Blu-ray in full "Technicolor": (circa 1922 to 1952) [sarcasm].
I retired from life a long time ago, yet you keep dragging me back into 2009. But that's not a fair statement: in my more lucid moments I crave, and grab hold to anything of this age and what it could hold for me. But I can tell you no matter my wishes, that entrance into the world always comes with a tired, elderly man attached.
I think I first posted here in 2006. Why did I post then? Why am I involved in this site? -- I thought I knew at the time, but now I'm unsure. As one looks back on their life, do we really know what our motives were for this-or-that? I think I wanted to re-connect to that outside world that I'd become so old to.
Now, well, I hang up my stocking tonight as if it were Christmas Eve and hope that Santa delivers my long since wish for vacancy. After all, hasn't life taken enough and haven't I already given enough? What more is there? A good portion of complete -- or infinite -- darkness is the desire of this old man.
I'm not too down, just too tired of life to want it. I'm 36.
Stephen
* EZ-Pass - an electronic toll system used in America, or at least the more Northern States. New York New York! As Frank Sings!
** The way it used to be - just a song (English! Oh I mean real English, UK!).
---
If you think this is self pity, I have this to say to you, "Get over it, ALREADY!" Oh, I do love how the kids talk. "MY BAD for being born!"
But then... oh to be young and untainted.
I'm not even that down. I'm just tired of life. Oh, so very tired. The years take their toll. There is no EZ-Pass(*) to life. Each time you drive down the same road, it costs. I've driven down so many different roads, and paid so much that I'm just all out of credit.
Oh, I'm just so incredibly tired. The way it used to be(**) was always better, and the way it used to be was my real path. But alas, older, supposedly ideal paths are not passable after so much usage. These paths -- as much as you want them to -- don't lead where you feel you must go. Oh, what a crying shame! I cry out for the old paths, the old ideals of former years. What became of me?
Depression ages. Like someone in their 70s you watch all your friends (metaphorically) die. You watch all you used to know disappear. If you're lucky enough you wake up from the years in captive darkness; but, it's to a world you no longer recognise. You are old; you don't understand how life functions, how it operates, how it really survives. All you once knew has gone. Video hasn't just been replaced by DVD, it's been replaced by Blu-ray in full "Technicolor": (circa 1922 to 1952) [sarcasm].
I retired from life a long time ago, yet you keep dragging me back into 2009. But that's not a fair statement: in my more lucid moments I crave, and grab hold to anything of this age and what it could hold for me. But I can tell you no matter my wishes, that entrance into the world always comes with a tired, elderly man attached.
I think I first posted here in 2006. Why did I post then? Why am I involved in this site? -- I thought I knew at the time, but now I'm unsure. As one looks back on their life, do we really know what our motives were for this-or-that? I think I wanted to re-connect to that outside world that I'd become so old to.
Now, well, I hang up my stocking tonight as if it were Christmas Eve and hope that Santa delivers my long since wish for vacancy. After all, hasn't life taken enough and haven't I already given enough? What more is there? A good portion of complete -- or infinite -- darkness is the desire of this old man.
I'm not too down, just too tired of life to want it. I'm 36.
Stephen
* EZ-Pass - an electronic toll system used in America, or at least the more Northern States. New York New York! As Frank Sings!
** The way it used to be - just a song (English! Oh I mean real English, UK!).
---
If you think this is self pity, I have this to say to you, "Get over it, ALREADY!" Oh, I do love how the kids talk. "MY BAD for being born!"
But then... oh to be young and untainted.