I'm In the Low Pit of Depression Right Now

[formerblond48]

Right now I'm feeling so worthless that I don't know what I can do to make myself feel better. I'm taking meds but it seems like it's not working. I'm divorced, I'm lonely, and right now my kids are my life and I know I can't expect that of them. I just wish I had an S.O. in my life so I could have companionship, but I don't even have that and doubt I ever will because I've heard a lot of people say I'm ugly, so that makes me feel like crap too. It depresses me that people won't give me a chance and get to know who I am, because if you aren't pretty enough then you are considered worthless. I'm just so sad. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but the negatives are taking over and it just makes me feel like crying. My ex-husband treats me like I'm a worthless human being, my neighbors have been saying all types of unkind things about me, even though I stay out of people's business and worry about my own. This depresses me even more. I hate going out and doing things by myself, but if I ever want to "get out in the real world" then its always alone. I hate it! The friends who are saying this are either married or have a S.O. so they don't have to worry about being alone when they go anywhere. Most of my married friends have pretty much bailed on me when I got divorced...they don't call anymore, they don't want to do anything. Right now as I'm typing this I'm crying because that's about the only emotion I'm feeling right now. I hate myself and my life sucks.

[georgiapeach]

((((((((((((( formerblond48 )))))))))))))))))))
keep your head up hun, you must hit rock bottom before things can start to look up for you, and this i mean.

[formerblond48]

Hey, Georgiapeach...thanks for taking the time to respond. Yeah, I've hit rock bottom before, so it looks like I'm hitting it again. I just want to climb out of this pit...I have too many things to take care of to be dragged down right now. Wish I could afford to take a relaxing stroll through Barnes & Noble right now...

I'll try to do some deep breathing so I can relax, hopefully relaxing enough so I can be more rational in thought.

[georgiapeach]

formerblond48,
im happy to hear the positive comments! keep it up!!!!

[aim]

Hi formerblond - I hear ya about Barnes and Noble!!! I could never go there without money... So, honestly? I end up not going there much at all!

Please hang in there, formerblonde, ok? Life has a way of working itself out. Keep the faith, try to stay as positive as you can, and remember that others don't determine who you are - YOU do.

How old are your children?

[formerblond48]

My kids are 16, 13, and 9.

[aim]

How nice, formerblond! You must enjoy being around them, huh? Do they give you joy? Peace?

[formerblond48]

Yes, I enjoy being around them and they do bring me joy. But there are times that I need time to myself, just like most people. They do keep me busy, though! I'm the parent that takes care of their day-to-day needs, school things, and emotional needs. Their dad doesn't do squat. Their dad is too busy gratifying his own needs to properly look after theirs. The upside to this is that the boys trust me enough and rely on me enough that they can talk to me about anything, which really makes me feel good. Some days, though, they drive me crazy! Pretty typical for a parent.

[aim]

Sounds about typical for a parent! Down to the mommy taking care of the day-to-day life, loving her children, but desperately needing time for yourself. Do you get it? Are you able to close the door sometimes and just be alone with a book or whatever you like to do? I surely do hope so, formerblonde. I absolutely LOVE children but they sure can suck you dry sometimes, huh?