It is okay ..?

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mywords
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2020 7:01 pm

It is okay ..?

Postby mywords » Sun Jul 04, 2021 10:11 pm

It is okay for me to be greedy.
It is okay for me to want to be happy or trying to be alone.
I want to but why do I feel so bad and guilty about it .
I want to go by myself , I want to experience how life can be , I want to make mistakes without feeling like I'm deceiving those around me because of their high expectations. I hate feeling like shit whenever I ask for help, to me it feels like they are waste their time on me so I should get things sorted out myself to not bother . But I really do need it, I feel ashamed to ask even so I want to live my life as well after getting so used to want to please everyone, I want to try living on my own for once even if it's get hard and i cry or shit I really want to ... I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry dad, I hope you'll understand that I grew up well thanks to mom and you , I will sure do my best to repay you guys someway but I don't want to live my life based on how you or everyone feels. I will regret it later if i don't take these opportunities. I'm still young, I just turned 19 this year ffs but I have to many regrets . I know you guys mean well , and that both of you are thinking that I'm growing up too fast that I want to get away for you as soon as possible. I sincerely apologize for making you go through so many hard times before but I won't feel sorry for choose myself and my mental heath over anything, family or not , not this time . The state I am in and the one I grow up with lead to many scars, this is scary whenever I think about it , either I choose to living with or try my best to heal them little by little . After , I'm a hopless optimistic and stubborn asf with everything. I won't be a bother please live at ease for now on .

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