Depression Understood Forums

I've been falling in love with my roommate since my grandma and brothers passing. She has been the only person to genuinely care. She doesn't want a relationship and it hurts. I've never wanted mutual feelings more in my life. In a week or 2 I have to move into my own room(once it is cleaned out). I'm not ready for that shift...I've never slept so well in my life as I do beside her...being held by her, I know she cares about me I just wish she was ready for commitment. I cant blame her though she recently had a big relationship end and needs to explore life herself.

It just hurts thinking I'll be sleeping 4 hours a night again her soon. Selfish of me to want her to love me so I can sleep well and feel comfortable myself. Even harder to not push it off as a problem I want her help fixing...it's my problem not her after all...

My deepest fear through it is that I won't find someone like her someday...I never thought she would be such an angel in my life...my heart is torn

Hi there. First off, my deepest condolences to you. Right now you are processing grief, and it's really life-shattering to lose the people we hold dear. It's like not knowing how to go on anymore. As for your roommate, I'm sure she's an angel, but as you said, she's also going through something herself, and if you also do care for her, you'd let her be. Only time will tell if you're gonna find someone else or maybe she's come back and she's finally ready. Who knows. For now, find your happiness within you. Start a hobby or whatnot. Try something new.