Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

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Searching Freedom
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:39 am

Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Searching Freedom » Wed Jul 31, 2019 6:04 pm

Long ago I found a prison. Whose only key was in my hand. And because I was sad, because I wasn't able to see a purpose in my pain, because I was so scared of the world around me... I locked myself. Thinking that I will set myself free when I will feel ready to fight again.
But, one day, because I was still bleeding and still in pain, I started to believe that I will not want to get out of that prison, that I won't ever be ready to face the exterior, to exist, to hope. I thought that, for me, there is no forgiveness and no possibility of starting over. So I threw the key away.

I didn't realize that throwing the key was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Until now.

Now... I am locked inside my own prison and the key is right in front of me. But because of the bars I can't take it. And I feel around me a wonderful world that waits for me. An extraordinary world. A world for whom I would rather spend the rest of my life locked up if I'd known that this way I could see it once. Just for a second.

I would choose to spend an eternity in darkness just to see the light once more.
I would choose to have my heart forever frozen just to feel love once more.

It feels impossible for me to be free again, impossible to reach to that key, impossible to see the light.
But there is only one question left.
Is there a chance for someone else to help me? Is there even a single chance for someone else to come and open the prison inside my heart?

I am completely sure that there is. But...

It means that I have to allow someone else to enter this deeply inside my soul. It means that I have to trust someone so much that I won't be afraid to let them see so deep inside of me. But I don't have that trust. For no one.

How should I know that they won't be disgusted with me?
How should I know that they won't freak out and run away?
How should I know that everything is not a trap? That they, pretending to help, don't want to laugh at me because I am trapped?

I am here for so long.
I am screaming for help for far too long.
And because of this... in my prison is a lot of blood. There is nothing but misery.

And I... well, my clothes are ripped off. My hair is dirty. My face is shattered because of the pain. My eyes only reflect sorrow. And I'm trembling. And I am covered in wounds that have stayed opened for too long.
I'm just bleeding. Bleeding colors. Bleeding music. Who would've thought that pain can create such a tragic piece of art?
My soul.

I wish to believe that there is, somewhere in this world, someone who will want to see me like this. Who won't be scared to truly hug me, even though I am full of scars and wounds. Who will want to open my prison.

And maybe there really is.
I just have to wait.
But... time is just a joke.
Time goes so slow when you are in pain. And those seconds feel like forever.
Time goes so fast when you love. It is like it doesn't even exist.
And when you feel pain because you truly love... that is when it stops. For good. So you either lose yourself in that pain or find yourself in that love.

It is up to every single one of us.

I just want to be free.
And fly.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:18 am

Searching Freedom,

WOW! That was an incredibly heartfelt and touching prose.

You expressed your feelings in a profound way. You have a talent for writing. If you have any more, I would love to read them.

Thank you very much for sharing it with the rest of us.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Searching Freedom
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:39 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Searching Freedom » Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:42 pm

Spleefy wrote:Searching Freedom,

WOW! That was an incredibly heartfelt and touching prose.

You expressed your feelings in a profound way. You have a talent for writing. If you have any more, I would love to read them.

Thank you very much for sharing it with the rest of us.


Spleefy,

I am the one who has to thank you. I've never been confident with what I am writing. Somehow it is like a coping mechanism. When there is just too much pressure from the battle between me and my own inner demons. But I feel that you know what I am talking about, especially if these words touched your soul in a certain way.

I read a few months ago that ''art should disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed''. And I really hoped that I can make something out of my sadness. Something that will help others. Even a little bit. I hoped that I will be able to show others that they are not alone, that we all have our own battles and our own secret and (maybe) dark parts in our soul. But I was too scared to show others the things that I wrote and this forum made everything easier. I told you that I have to thank you because knowing that someone actually liked this means that I shouldn't give up. I am extremely happy anyway that even a single person resonated with this.

I have more, but I am not always ready to show them. I am mostly writing in my native language and translate them into English and there are lots of things that are not translated yet.

I am sending you positive thoughts and I'm praying for you!

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:46 am

Hi Searching Freedom,

How are you today? Have you written any more wonderful prose lately? When you do, please share them. Your prose will give people hope and remind them that they are not alone.

I find writing therapeutic, too. One of the things I used to do to cope with depression was write poetry. In many ways, it also helped me to calm the voices in my head: “to be or not to be”, and the like.

I have complete faith that you will flip the script and turn your own sadness and troubles into something positive that, not only help you, but other people, too.

I would like to use an illustration...

To rise above depression, we need a "why". We need to be passionate about something and keep moving--not remain idle. Depression thrives in idleness. It hates movement. It hates progress.

So with your writing, you are being proactive and it helps you to cope. By sharing what is helping you to cope, you also can help others, which in turn will help you even more. That is the power of giving right there.

It is like me with my faith in God.

The moment I accepted Jehovah God into my heart and called upon him in his name, my life completely changed. Since it changed my life (and millions of other people’s lives) then how could one not feel compelled and enthusiastic to show them how God can help them, too?

Of course, sometimes it will be well received and other times it won’t be. But I still have a social and spiritual duty to share it because there are people’s lives that may be saved by God that otherwise would not have been. If Tony Robbins or Buddhism helped me (which I have tried in the past, among others), then I would be sharing that instead. But it wasn’t. It was Jehovah God.

Now imagine this...

Imagine the people your writing will help, if anything to at least not feel like they are alone (and depression is a lonely existence). Imagine someone, on a given night, is thinking about harming themselves?

But then imagine if that person came across your post and read your prose. They think: “Wow. There is someone else out there who expressed how I feel inside.” As they read more of your prose, they feel less alone and don't harm themselves that night—all because you shared what you wrote that touched their hearts, just as it did mine!

Jehovah God saved me, and so if my message reaches someone’s heart—even just one other person—and they allow Jehovah to save them, then wouldn't that be worth it?

Once you find what works for you, then share! share! share! And it helps to have confidence in your beliefs because then you can share it with conviction, and overcome obstacles in your life much easier, too.

I look forward to reading more of your wonderful prose.

Thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers.

Take care, friend. And please continue to write and share!
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Searching Freedom
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:39 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Searching Freedom » Sun Aug 04, 2019 3:04 pm

Spleefy wrote:Hi Searching Freedom,

How are you today? Have you written any more wonderful prose lately? When you do, please share them. Your prose will give people hope and remind them that they are not alone.

I find writing therapeutic, too. One of the things I used to do to cope with depression was write poetry. In many ways, it also helped me to calm the voices in my head: “to be or not to be”, and the like.

I have complete faith that you will flip the script and turn your own sadness and troubles into something positive that, not only help you, but other people, too.

I would like to use an illustration...

To rise above depression, we need a "why". We need to be passionate about something and keep moving--not remain idle. Depression thrives in idleness. It hates movement. It hates progress.

So with your writing, you are being proactive and it helps you to cope. By sharing what is helping you to cope, you also can help others, which in turn will help you even more. That is the power of giving right there.

It is like me with my faith in God.

The moment I accepted Jehovah God into my heart and called upon him in his name, my life completely changed. Since it changed my life (and millions of other people’s lives) then how could one not feel compelled and enthusiastic to show them how God can help them, too?

Of course, sometimes it will be well received and other times it won’t be. But I still have a social and spiritual duty to share it because there are people’s lives that may be saved by God that otherwise would not have been. If Tony Robbins or Buddhism helped me (which I have tried in the past, among others), then I would be sharing that instead. But it wasn’t. It was Jehovah God.

Now imagine this...

Imagine the people your writing will help, if anything to at least not feel like they are alone (and depression is a lonely existence). Imagine someone, on a given night, is thinking about harming themselves?

But then imagine if that person came across your post and read your prose. They think: “Wow. There is someone else out there who expressed how I feel inside.” As they read more of your prose, they feel less alone and don't harm themselves that night—all because you shared what you wrote that touched their hearts, just as it did mine!

Jehovah God saved me, and so if my message reaches someone’s heart—even just one other person—and they allow Jehovah to save them, then wouldn't that be worth it?

Once you find what works for you, then share! share! share! And it helps to have confidence in your beliefs because then you can share it with conviction, and overcome obstacles in your life much easier, too.

I look forward to reading more of your wonderful prose.

Thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers.

Take care, friend. And please continue to write and share!


Dear Spleefy,

Hi! Again, I have to thank you for your beautiful words.
Well... I can't say I am doing great, but I'm still thinking that I've been way worse than I am right now. And this is a strong reason for me to try and be grateful for these difficult days. What about you? Are you feeling good?
Yesterday I wrote a letter to my future self. Writing it came with many tears, but it sure helped me understand myself and my pain more. I even thought about translating it into English and posting it here. Your words of encouragement convinced me that I should share this letter.

I love poetry, but I've never been good at it. If you think it is possible, I'd like to read something you wrote. But only if you're feeling comfortable with sharing it.

I honestly tell you that God saved me too. He literally saved me every single time I tried to kill myself. But I, personally, found Him in Orthodoxy and I have been better since.

I promise I will find the courage to share more of what I am writing. As you've said, maybe it will really help others.

You too take care of yourself!

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Mon Aug 05, 2019 9:57 am

Hi Searching Freedom,

In all honesty, what does “great” even feel like?

I couldn’t possibly rate how I feel in terms of “good”, “great”, “fantastic”, etc. In reality, my mood is dynamic throughout the day.

But I always give thanks to Jehovah God on my forest runs. I thank him for a beautiful day because I do exactly what you do, which is to be grateful.

I am riddled with troubles and issues like the next person. However, I try not to dwell on those things and instead appreciate the things that are well in my life, especially my health, having shelter and a comfortable bed to sleep in, enough food to eat, enough money to live off comfortably, and so forth.

I think about and pray for the people who don’t have shelter, food, money, clothes, or a warm bed to sleep in. I think about and pray for those people who have major health issues, including the people I know who may be struggling with chronic or degenerative back issues or terminal illness.

For instance, I love going out to cafes with friends and just enjoying the warm sun, drinking latte, and having stimulating and pleasant conversations with friends. Even just to bump into people you know or to strike a conversation with complete strangers and learn more about them. I love doing that. Yet, there are people who go hungry and cold or can't get out of the house due to a disability.

So I seriously have no complaints because, compared to those people, my life is an absolute dream. And our situations can change at any moment, so I would rather spend that time enjoying and appreciating what I do have while I have it.

I thought I would share that because I think it’s important for us to have a strong mindset and to put things into proper perspective. Years of depression has taught me to have a spiritual mentally because that is the ONE thing we have control of—our mind.

I think you have an incredible mindset and attitude. I feel that you have a lot of mental clarity and I see a lot of strength in you. I believe you can become a great role model and tremendous source of comfort for other people.

Writing to your future self is a fantastic idea, actually! I might give that go. It's like, 'what would I tell my younger self had I known now what I will know then.'

The tears that came when you wrote that letter is beautiful. I think that is how you must think of it—beautiful! I have had many similar experiences when I faced up to things that were painful for me. I found it liberating. Yes! Like you, I began to understand myself as well as more about what I was experiencing. This was empowering.

I will be happy to share a few poems. I wrote the sonnets in my dark, depressive times. It truly helped me to cope back then, and allowed me to express myself in a constructive way. I would have candles going, sit in my bathrobe drinking tea, and just write. Ah, sweet memories!

If you love poetry, perhaps try to write a few. I don’t consider myself good at it, either. But don’t let that stop you. You are not writing it for publication—you are writing it for yourself. That is how I viewed it.

I’m very happy for you that you opened your heart to God. He wants to be our friend. We just need the right heart condition, to be teachable, and to have the wisdom to accept his offer of friendship. Once you do... WOW! It's like all the blinders are removed.

The very idea of you hurting yourself is heartbreaking. So if you ever feel like hurting yourself, please reach out.

Your writing, words of encouragement, and suggestions will definitely help other people. I believe each and every single one of us in this forum has something to offer.

I tried to attach the poems, but it read: "invalid file extension". I tried .odt and .pdf. Rather than to have a thrombo over it, I will just copy and paste the poems in this thread.
Last edited by Spleefy on Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Mon Aug 05, 2019 9:59 am

Without My Father

I haven’t spoken to my father for a while;
two years, maybe more.
My fingers hesitate to touch that dial,
but upon a heart's demand one should not ignore.

Maybe my shameful reflection
would shame too his hazel eyes.
More so fear that he shed no affection,
for my now older disguise.

What I have said I cannot take back,
but how I feel I cannot hide,
although, my sister he did verbally attack
and denied to save some shred of pride.

But upon this last line there is a painful tear,
because without my father is like a thousand winters near.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:00 am

Beneath the Glorious Sun

I bathe in the sun as bats do the moon
and like them, pick from the fruit-bearing tree,
whilst parting with old thoughts to leave enough room
to record this pleasant day in my memory.

The blossoms release an ample of perfume
that the pleasing breath of spring lingers behind,
and although only brief will these blossoms bloom,
this day will outlive as a relic in my mind.

But brighter is the sun when shared with lovely company--
like flames perpetually furnishing from a chalice,
its fertile glowing and ever-youthful glee,
displaying the creation of this outdoor palace.

But today I ruminate and enjoy as one,
bathing gleefully beneath the glorious sun.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:02 am

False Love

If only a fool is fooled by false love,
then indeed I am that repentant fool;
As with the rose her thorns do prove,

that love can be sweet yet bitter cruel.


But what hand would deny a lock of her petals?

Which is why she is armed with heedful thorns--
Yet the hand that approaches most gentle

receives her delight as she reserves those thorns.


Not that I would discard love completely from my heart--
or conceal my thorns for the gentle hand to hold.
But fearfully stand does my stems smart,

to protect the petals false love once stole.


That's why in my heart the rose is esteemed,

Because beauty like her I have again redeemed
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:04 am

My Silk Rose

The rose would not bear my sight,
but turned away with envy from my hearts delight,
‘cause pleasures of water I keep,
and share not with her stem down deep.

The soil glances dry,
but her pretty petals still bloom
Among her companions that have died
Or withered in gloom.

However she but fades away
from bathing under natures ray,
her charm and beauty to my eyes remain
upon her silk red petals stain.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Searching Freedom
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:39 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Searching Freedom » Mon Aug 05, 2019 12:23 pm

Dear Spleefy,

I have never really thought about what “great” and “good” feel like. But I love that you asked that! Right now I have a huuge question mark inside my head. Because... I really don’t know.

I knew I’ve been using words my entire life without thinking about the real meaning behind them. I just never thought this far.
All that I know is that I am not looking for happines. Maybe I can give a personal definition of “feeling great” and “feeling good” that will probably be valid for me, but I seriously don’t know what happines is, nor do I make it a purpose in my life. Growth might be something I am looking for. But being happy means that I will no longer want to improve. Because being happy will make me enter in a “comfort zone”, state in which I won’t feel like I need to fight anymore. Which is why I am not blaming those who hurt me in the past or God for my pain, my darkness and the bad experiences I had to go through. I understand that these are my teachers. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these. Well, I am not the best version of myself, but I know that I am not the worst either. It could’ve been way worse.
There are moments in which I feel like I am taking a break from my battles. Because nothing else bad happens. I am just in a state in which God is giving me time to proccess everything, to recover, to accept myself. And in these moments I am able to smile more, to learn, to grow, to laugh, to hang out with my friends and to prepare myself for the next chapter that will bring new battles. Well, I guess that in moments like this I can say that I am “good” or “great”.

I am not hurting myself anymore. Last time I did this was a year ago. I hope I won’t do this again.

I love your poems soo much!! It is incredible how people can create beauty based on their pain. I have two favorites. The one about your father and the one about false love. All of them are amazing, but these two poems really touched my heart.

I am glad that this forum is giving me the opportunity to meet beautiful souls, just like you! Thank you so much for being you. And thank you for sharing your art!

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:38 am

I think my psychologist, way back when, brought that up when I kept saying that, “I just want to be happy.”

He asked me to define what happiness means to me. At the time, I perceived “happiness” as just the opposite of depression. As far as i was concerned, happiness was to not suffer emotionally from the moment I awake to the time I closed my eyes. It meant to lead a “normal” life, just like everybody else around me seemed to be doing. It meant to be able to just do basic things in life, such as work and to spend time with friends.

Searching Freedom, you are doing really well in your own healing. I hope you never underestimate how much so. You are an inspiration.

I’m relieved to hear that you don’t hurt yourself anymore. Perhaps you are now at the point where you realize there are other alternatives and coping mechanisms.

From what I am learning about you, it sounds like you have grown so much spiritually as well as in your own awareness and understanding of what you are experiencing. Do you feel like you have?

Yes, it is incredible how people can create beauty out of their painful experiences.

It goes to show that even painful experiences can be utilized to our advantage. For instance, it was much easier to express myself poetically when I was depressed. Now if I was to try to write a poem, it would read like a dry textbook. :lol:

Thank you for your beautiful and kind words! I am filled with so much joy that our paths crossed.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Searching Freedom
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:39 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Searching Freedom » Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:53 pm

Spleefy wrote:I think my psychologist, way back when, brought that up when I kept saying that, “I just want to be happy.”

He asked me to define what happiness means to me. At the time, I perceived “happiness” as just the opposite of depression. As far as i was concerned, happiness was to not suffer emotionally from the moment I awake to the time I closed my eyes. It meant to lead a “normal” life, just like everybody else around me seemed to be doing. It meant to be able to just do basic things in life, such as work and to spend time with friends.

Searching Freedom, you are doing really well in your own healing. I hope you never underestimate how much so. You are an inspiration.

I’m relieved to hear that you don’t hurt yourself anymore. Perhaps you are now at the point where you realize there are other alternatives and coping mechanisms.

From what I am learning about you, it sounds like you have grown so much spiritually as well as in your own awareness and understanding of what you are experiencing. Do you feel like you have?

Yes, it is incredible how people can create beauty out of their painful experiences.

It goes to show that even painful experiences can be utilized to our advantage. For instance, it was much easier to express myself poetically when I was depressed. Now if I was to try to write a poem, it would read like a dry textbook. :lol:

Thank you for your beautiful and kind words! I am filled with so much joy that our paths crossed.


So are you also in a place right now where you just try to heal and recover? I thought about that before, but I wasn't sure.

I've never seen myself as an inspiration. Those who knew what happened with me seem to believe that with everything I had to go through I will soon be able to help others. I wish their idea wasn't true, because my biggest fear is of people. But they were right and I can see that every single day. I am also starting to believe that my ''work'' is with people, even though I can't say I am extremely happy with this. I am aware of the fact that I have to face this fear anyway, so I am working on embracing it.

I've never used self-harm as a coping mechanism, even though I wish I have. But things were more complicated than that. Doctors back then diagnosed me with schizophrenia, although I am pretty sure that I am not schizophrenic. Because here I am. Alive. Not because of their medication, but because I had God and I had people around me who had faith in me when I wasn't even sure if I am going to kill myself or not. They believed that I will find the strength within myself and for their faith I did my best to survive. I used to take each day at a time and be extremely grateful that I am given another day to live and try to fight.

Not at all. I don't feel I've grown. Right now I am stuck in a phase in which I need to process everything and to see my past in a positive way. And also to forgive. Others and myself. There are days when I feel that these battles were for nothing because I don't seem to be learning the lessons I have to learn. If there is a thing I struggle with most of the time is having patience with myself. But I don't want to give up.

I completely understand what you are saying. That it was much easier for you to write when you were depressed. I can't write or paint when I don't necessarily have a negative feeling. It turns out I can't make something else from a feeling that is already positive. When I feel kind of good, I don't have the need to express it in a certain way. I just enjoy it. But when I am sad, scared, depressed and so on, I need to make that negative feeling beautiful using words or colors. I don't why, maybe because the negative feelings I had were much stronger and more powerful than my positive feelings.

I am honestly very glad too that I had the chance to make a new friend. I searched for a forum like this when I felt miserable and I had to talk to someone but I felt like I was completely alone with my demons. I've never thought that I will actually make some friends. Pain does bring people closer to each other.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Postby Spleefy » Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:15 am

Good question. I was able to rise above depression several years ago. I had a relapse two years ago. I applied the same strategy I used to overcome depression years prior, and so the relapse lasted only about a month.

Although it has been years since I have had depression or anxiety, I am still very much recovering. I spent many years living with clinical depression—Consequently, I didn’t know how to live. This was compounded by not growing up in an emotionally stable environment, I received little guidance, and there was no core value system in place that I could make my own and live by.

Living with depression meant that I habituated to living and thinking in a depressed way. It completely distorted my view self and the world around me.

So while I do not have depression, I am still recovering and learning how to live. It is almost like starting out as a child again, since I feel like I missed out on my childhood. Interestingly, I am new spiritually and thus spiritually a child not yet "partaking in solid foods."

While I missed out on much needed guidance growing up, I am one of those fortunate souls that has accepted into his heart Jehovah God and his Word—the Bible. God is my father, my mentor, and is showing me the way to live according to his will, values and moral standards.

So I am so grateful that I have a humble heart and the wisdom to allow God to guide me.

You may enjoy Colossians 3:10-15. I read this scripture often to guide me in the type of personality I aspire to.

You said you “used” to take each day at at time and give thanks. Do you still do this? Taking each day at a time and “living in the here and the now” is a classic strategy. Do you feel that it helped you?

Oh most definitely. I think when we choose to forgive, we are giving ourselves permission to move forward in our lives.

You will definitely have your ups and downs. I think it is important to keep a strong mental attitude.

I found it helps to use positive words, even when I’m feeling down and very negative. And even if I don’t believe what I am saying, I just say it anyway. Why? Because we are products of our habits, including the words we choose to repeat to ourselves on a daily basis. I find that it empowers me. It gives me strength. It is also a way of getting back control in situations that are beyond our control or undesirable. I notice you often use positive words. In what way does it help you?

In hindsight, I think art, music, poetry/writing are not only fantastic outlets and sources of comfort, but they also help us gain more control of our situation. As I reflect on it, depression was controlling my life, and poetry enabled me to have some control over how I was feeling. I could channel my thoughts and emotions and construct words to express myself in a structured format.

You are doing incredibly well in your own healing, though. Keep up the good fight! When I was living with depression, I wasn’t using forums like this one. I had friends and therapists, but not people who understood the darkness I was in.

I did have one best friend whom had depression, too. On the one hand, this was good because we had each other for comfort and companionship. However, spending so much time together was probably toxic because we just fed off each other’s depression, hence continuing the cycle, reinforcing it, and bringing each other down instead of up.

Mind you, I don’t have any regrets. If I had to do it all over again, I would still spend all that time with him. Especially during those cold nights with no shelter, sleeping in a cemetery, depressed and alone--at least we had each other. But I would definitely do things differently. Rather than feeding off each other’s depression, I would have tried to find a way to help us both rise above it. Although, we did attempt to, but we were both depressed, so that wasn’t so easy :P It was rare for both of us to feel decent simultaneously. When I felt relatively stable on a given day, he was in a bad way and vice versa.

However, whereas I didn’t have the forums, you do. I think it is a good place to share our feelings without feeding off each other’s depression.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Kambaxia
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Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2019 8:51 pm
Location: Panama
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Fear not if you love Love not if you fear

Postby Kambaxia » Thu Aug 08, 2019 8:03 am

In my local reflexology association, between us board members, were often discussing reflexology tools. Most of use have been certified in Father Josefs method and are certified to use his Taiwenese tool. But were also huge fans of Chris Stormer and her approach using the Gentle Touch or Universal method aka: South African. <br><br>Personally I find a use for the tools with the really thick-callused heel areas and the hard-to-apply-enough-pressure toe tips sinuses. However, I would love to see what other people think on a more National level.<br><br>Do you use tools? Have you ever been trained to use tools? Why or why not use them?


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