seriously considering. i cba anymore. i know i cant do f*ck all and ik its going to get worse and its all my fault. im on a time limit and yet im sat here typing this. ok so:
im 16, doing gcses (last year) and have the mindset "youre going to fail".
now im aware gcses dont necessarily determine your whole life but that isnt the full meaning; i mean everything.
i mean i will fail at gaining friends, getting jobs, fixing myself, being able to do things right i honestly dont know just everything; im just afraid of the future.
of course i cant predict the future and i know that. but from what i do know it terrifies me. ive grown up with the pattern of gaining friends, them slowly ignoring me and then ditching me. im a shy person, awkward person. i feel like i dont even know how to talk to someone anymore lowkey. my friends in school have continued this pattern and are currently ignoring my existence. my existence is then later acknowledged once their friends are gone. i would leave them but i dont want to look anymore useless and lonely than i do already in school. so i guess you could say im using them to look like i have somebody.
i do have one friend though (online) we text daily. however, it may be all in my head, but i feel like shes going to do the same. im noticing she may be bored of talking to me now and idk what to do. im just waiting.
i do this waiting a lot. ive been waiting for this all to end. nobody in my real life (other than my online friend) have any idea that this is what im like and this is how i think. the truth is i dont want to tell them and i probably never will.
gcses are a pain; especially art. i picked art along with hair, ict and spanish. so art is stressing me out the most. i tried to drop out november last year and told them it was stressing me out really bad and i didnt think i could do it anymore. i thought id have a chance to drop out as i saw other girls dropping out of classes so i asked and i got told no as i was on a C. i understand their logic but they wouldnt listen to what i had to say as gcses are more important which ticks me off but oh well. few months later: im a low D, got a letter home and its way too late to drop out as we started prep for exam ((: so just had to go through with it. tomorrow our exam book has to be in, were drawing out our exam piece, and exams on tuesday and wednesday and im not ready. yay! i have sm sh*t to do in my book and yet im wasting my time on this useless website.
im so done with everything i cbf anymore. i dont want to go through with this anymore. but what is help going to do? everything only just tries to help you fix your life but ik i wont be able to do any of that. i really dont think i physically can. friends? as if. education? far too late. and its not because im dumb its because i gave up trying. my mindset is: there is no future; so i dont bother. and i regret it every time i think logically. everythings bs why am i even writing this lol. i just want my life back
wasnt going to post this after but idgo anymore.
ok update: i managed to get some things done its 2am tho smh.
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