ways of life
Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2019 6:23 am
this time if I die, no one will be there to stop me. my friend was able to save me once. I can't talk to my mum or my dad, they never make me feel good about myself. my sister is always doing her own thing being 18, and I don't want to tell her about my downers in life. I don't have a friend, I stopped talking to the only one I had as he wasn't ever a good friend, I gave up on trying to make our friendship work after years of trying. the only person I could feel comfortable with was this other guy who is my step brother. he is suffering from depression as well so he understood me so well. he was always there to talk to me and respected my privacy.
on the 2nd of Jan, I cut my arms and went to a bridge, I message him before and he came to me. he wanted to get an ambulance but I said no. things happened and in the end I went to the hospital. it was terrible with my mum, it was all about her and how she felt. the psychologist didn't help me feel better one bit and I got discharged. my step brother was helpful. the thing was that after that night he treated me differently. I know that people would but this was different. he seemed to distant himself from me, ignore me and not respect my privacy, telling my mum everything I told him. he was the only person after 15 years on this earth that I could finally open up to. but then I stopped talking to him about my emotions, I stopped trying to hang out with him. I did try to but he never seemed to want to. no one did. the only person I talk to is my sister. I haven't been able to tell anyone anything and not feel uncomfortable. an old friend of mine I have talked to a bit. she has depression and autism. her friend left her when she figured out my friend had autism. I comfort her as I have always admired her so much. she is amazing.
in 5 weeks time I turn 16. I don't expect much to happen. I will go for my learners permit and try to get my license soon to be able to escape my mum. she is terrible.
I just wished my step brother could treat me how he used to.
I wish someone, just at least one person could actually want to be with me, not judge me and never leave me.
I just want to not be judged by everyone, this world is cruel enough to me and the last thing I want is for all people to just be cruel too.
on the 2nd of Jan, I cut my arms and went to a bridge, I message him before and he came to me. he wanted to get an ambulance but I said no. things happened and in the end I went to the hospital. it was terrible with my mum, it was all about her and how she felt. the psychologist didn't help me feel better one bit and I got discharged. my step brother was helpful. the thing was that after that night he treated me differently. I know that people would but this was different. he seemed to distant himself from me, ignore me and not respect my privacy, telling my mum everything I told him. he was the only person after 15 years on this earth that I could finally open up to. but then I stopped talking to him about my emotions, I stopped trying to hang out with him. I did try to but he never seemed to want to. no one did. the only person I talk to is my sister. I haven't been able to tell anyone anything and not feel uncomfortable. an old friend of mine I have talked to a bit. she has depression and autism. her friend left her when she figured out my friend had autism. I comfort her as I have always admired her so much. she is amazing.
in 5 weeks time I turn 16. I don't expect much to happen. I will go for my learners permit and try to get my license soon to be able to escape my mum. she is terrible.
I just wished my step brother could treat me how he used to.
I wish someone, just at least one person could actually want to be with me, not judge me and never leave me.
I just want to not be judged by everyone, this world is cruel enough to me and the last thing I want is for all people to just be cruel too.