Okay so this happened yesterday...
Posted: Sat May 19, 2018 3:07 am
honestly f****** hate today. i really didnt want to go to school cause moody and shit so i ended up just staying in bed debating whether or not to make up an excuse or not. I ended up staying in bed until 8:10 (we leave at 8:15 for school) and finally got out cause "shit im f*****". my dad was pissed cause i was late (as usual) for the same reason; moody. course, he does not know that.
whilst he was having a go in the car, asking why im always late, i was so close to just blurting it all out. i didnt tho, i continued to say "i dont know" which pissed him off even more.
finally in school and im scrolling through depressing quotes, liking the ones i relate to pfft. one in particular caused me to overthink my life which made me to want to cry. i had to hold it all in and found it extremely difficult and had decided to quickly wipe it all away before anyone would notice. however, some f****** girl (thinks were friends but im not fond of) turns around so i had to hold myself from crying longer. she noticed i was about to cry and asked "whats wrong" to which i replied "nothing". somehow i got her to turn away and i quicky calmed myself down.
during pe we had to play rounders. i hate that game. ill play anything else, do anything else, but play that f****** game. i honestly wanted to cry as petty as that sounds pfft. i have my reasons though. im a shy shit, no friends, no nothing. everyone hates me i swearrr and im shit at pe
it lowkey makes me feel insecure. but rounders oh my f****** god. i f****** cant. the game involves so much responsibility and pressure i lowkey almost cry pfft. i know its just a game but everyones so competitive and if you make a mistake youve f***** the whole team off. plus i cant catch or throw for shit lol. even while batting youre basically the center of attention. no f****** thank you. no need to watch me fail.
straight after pe was chem. we did a 'walking talking' mock. basically the teacher walks through the mock explaining how to go through each question. im already stressed.. teacher was moving on, question to question, so fast it cause more stress lmfao.
anywayyy.. schools over, already a plan in my head: go home, cry a little, sleep, eat, chill. ha nope. not anymoree. apparently were not eating enough at home whilst our dads in work so were up our nans. as soon as we got there i asked why we were there and wanted to cry so badly. i started moaning about how i wanted to sleep whilst trying not to cry. luckily, my nan let us go back home but omg stressss.
i couldnt sleep tho. overthinking too much. this went on for an hour or so, increasingly getting worse. i ended up thinking about my recent ex holding me and telling me that im okay and i fell asleep. i realise what i was doing. i did continue to cry when i first thought about the idea but i was really desperate to sleep, to get away from the thoughts. it was like my only choice lmfaoo. it worked. slept for an hour and woke up calmish.
shit day tho lol. i have english lit exams next week and i havent revised cause of my mood being so shitty i stg lol. watch me fail.
whilst he was having a go in the car, asking why im always late, i was so close to just blurting it all out. i didnt tho, i continued to say "i dont know" which pissed him off even more.
finally in school and im scrolling through depressing quotes, liking the ones i relate to pfft. one in particular caused me to overthink my life which made me to want to cry. i had to hold it all in and found it extremely difficult and had decided to quickly wipe it all away before anyone would notice. however, some f****** girl (thinks were friends but im not fond of) turns around so i had to hold myself from crying longer. she noticed i was about to cry and asked "whats wrong" to which i replied "nothing". somehow i got her to turn away and i quicky calmed myself down.
during pe we had to play rounders. i hate that game. ill play anything else, do anything else, but play that f****** game. i honestly wanted to cry as petty as that sounds pfft. i have my reasons though. im a shy shit, no friends, no nothing. everyone hates me i swearrr and im shit at pe
it lowkey makes me feel insecure. but rounders oh my f****** god. i f****** cant. the game involves so much responsibility and pressure i lowkey almost cry pfft. i know its just a game but everyones so competitive and if you make a mistake youve f***** the whole team off. plus i cant catch or throw for shit lol. even while batting youre basically the center of attention. no f****** thank you. no need to watch me fail. straight after pe was chem. we did a 'walking talking' mock. basically the teacher walks through the mock explaining how to go through each question. im already stressed.. teacher was moving on, question to question, so fast it cause more stress lmfao.
anywayyy.. schools over, already a plan in my head: go home, cry a little, sleep, eat, chill. ha nope. not anymoree. apparently were not eating enough at home whilst our dads in work so were up our nans. as soon as we got there i asked why we were there and wanted to cry so badly. i started moaning about how i wanted to sleep whilst trying not to cry. luckily, my nan let us go back home but omg stressss.
i couldnt sleep tho. overthinking too much. this went on for an hour or so, increasingly getting worse. i ended up thinking about my recent ex holding me and telling me that im okay and i fell asleep. i realise what i was doing. i did continue to cry when i first thought about the idea but i was really desperate to sleep, to get away from the thoughts. it was like my only choice lmfaoo. it worked. slept for an hour and woke up calmish.
shit day tho lol. i have english lit exams next week and i havent revised cause of my mood being so shitty i stg lol. watch me fail.