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Punished for situations beyond my control

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2018 3:16 pm
by Abu

I was diagnosed with bi hemispherical dysfunction 13 years ago and ever since then I have suffered a lot right from academic to relationship and friends. This condition of mine causes terrible headache and memory loss because of improper blood flow to my brain. Looking back to my days at school I was academically gifted and was *very* good at everything that I did except for sports. When this condition struck me it struck me hard, from someone securing very good grades I started to fail in my class. This was just the trigger required to my relatives to taunt and put me down which they could not do earlier. To me of all, academic drop was and is the biggest shock that I have ever and will have.

That wasn't the stop it physically drained me so much that I looked like malnourished child or someone who had starved or living on one meal for years . I was given a long list of things to do and not to by the doctors, which was hard to follow considering that I was a school going. I tried to move on and study harder but it did not help me either, I could not retain what I had studied because of poor memory. I visited several doctors to find a cure but failed at every avenue that I went to . I failed thrice in a class and wasted 3 long years and couldn't do much except listen to people mocking me at stages of life .

Relationships suffered, no friends because I could not hang out or help myself at sports . To this day I do not have anyone ( yea, none) to talk to and share my feelings , the words I speak on daily basis are countable, such is my situation. I do have a undergrad degree and have CGPA of 7 but I can not recollect anything from the years that I studied.

Being 25 I have already lost faith in life , feels like I'm being punished for things that I haven't committed like my issues isn't what I wanted or desired for. For the past 13 years I've being having headache every single day and it just doesn't seem to go and also bad memory which comes along it.

But for the past few days my headache seems to have resided and all thanks to gemstone therapy but the disaster left behind is no less than a torture for me. The depression is very hard on me , none to talk , no job, want to get my master degree but struggling to find a college and * Depression*. The only thing that I'm proud of is I write, something similar to sonnet and people who get to read it have appreciated me a lot and I feel extremely good when someone praises my work.

Why am I put through this much of ordeal , is it normal ?

I just want to see light now , new beginning and best of life because this is not self infused and I want justice ( Okay , I'm rambling)

But why am I being punished for health condition , can't I have a normal healthy life with friends , relationships and success or is it too much that I asking for?

Re: Punished for situations beyond my control

Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:52 pm
by Clayjars
I'm sorry you are hurting. I know it feels like a punishment that your dreams are being withheld from you. But life is more than "success" as we define it. We have a tendency to believe that academic or financial success will give us happiness and we pursue it with all our might. Once those dreams are frustrated, we lose all hope for living because these desires for success has blinded us to what is really important in life. Your life is worth living because of who you are, not what you can do, or what you have accomplished. What feels like punishment may be moments that expose these false securities that keep us from really living the way we are meant to. You have been created and gifted uniquely. There is no-one like you. We are forever looking at the other side and longing for greener grass, but no matter what you think about yourself, you are beautiful and perfect. I hope this inspires you,

Re: Punished for situations beyond my control

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:22 am
by j2415
Hi- I’m so sorry to hear this, I’m sorry that you are hurting. Please know that we are here for you.
I want to encourage you through the life of Nick Vujicic, he was born with no arms and legs. According to an article, at age 6, he struggled to deal with bullying, depression and feelings of inadequacy.

But in spite of his disability, he was able to finish college. He was able to overcome the obstacles and now he is living a normal life, he can surf, play golf, and do stuff that others do. He is also an author and has family with 4 kids. Just like Nick, you can also live a normal life with friends if you don’t give up. I pray that you will also overcome. I hope you will remain hopeful each day. Try to join a support group, this can help you not to feel alone and they can be your friends too. Keep us posted, I will be praying for you.