Depression Understood Forums

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You don't have to be eye candy... but at least be presentable... wear appropriately for each occasion, make sure you look pleasant and approachable.

Be friendly and smile a bit. You don't have to overdo it, but if you are not friendly, or bites everyone that comes near you, you'll find yourself sitting quitely alone in the corner.

You don't need to be beaming with positive energy...

Finding some similar interest and hobbies will help to start up conversations and get things going, so to a certain extent, you must be able to open yourself up and be able to maintain some sort of a conversation that the other party finds interesting.

Do things together, preferably something that both you and your friend(s) enjoy...

if you are invited to social parties or outings, go.

People will only want to be your friend if they find you interesting to be around, if they enjoy talking to you or doing things together with you...

well this is my 2 cents worth... hope it helps... give it a try and i wish you all the best!

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KTrain86 wrote:I don't smile since I have nothing to smile about.
I have a hard time maintaining a conversation, and I always feel the other person isn't interested.
People have found me interesting, but the problem is showing people how I'm interesting.
So basically, I'm screwed.

You are NOT screwed... you just need to set yourself a mission and work on it... (but even IF you ARE screwed, nothing stays permanent, you may be screwed for a few days, weeks, but things ALWAYS change, you just have to work on it, remember, your situation is not fixed, it CAN and it WILL change, you just have to work on it and give it time) but you have to take it easy and slowly, don't rush and don't get too anxious if you can't make friends within a few weeks... friends will come, but slowly... you can't rush things like that... but now lets see...

first of all... whether you are in school or at work, you need that large variety of people out there so that you will be able to find one that matches your inclination/interests/hobby/personality... if you only mix around with 3-4 people and they are not your type, then its not so easy to make friends, you need to mix with more people, and slowly those who are compatible with you will get drawned to you...

however, if you feel that others aren't interested in what you say,remember i told you, find someone with common interests, and then when you talk, you will be able to say things that they ARE interested in...

why do you have a hard time maintaining a conversation? is it because you are not interested in what is being talked about? its not easy to find a friend that has exactly the same interests and hobbies as yourself... but there have to be at least some fundamental similarities... you have to wait patiently and as you mix around, you will slowly start to meet people who fit this criteria... i have a friend, when we were in high school (secondary school) we used to go play badminton together at a community center together, then he'd come over to my house and we'd play on the pool table (I hated playing pool...but played it anyway cos he liked it), then we'd play dungeons and dragons on the computer (specifically the computer game called Might and Magic)... i'd use the mouse to fight the bad things, and he'd use the keyboard to move the character.... sometimes we'd play chess... sometimes i'd drive and we'd go out at night.... we had no idea where we would go, first we'd buy a softserve from mcdonals, then we'd just drive... he'd say left and i'd turn left... if i felt like turning right i'd turn right... yeah, we'd just burn petrol that way, but it was cool and fun... sometimes we'd end up in the bushes of somesort... we'd get down from the car and walk into the bushes at night until we scare ourselves and run back to the car... there was once we drove to a seaside, and sat on the rocks there talking... there were dolphins (we heard dolphins)... at this seaside there were swings (for little kids)... we weren't that young anymore, but we sat on the swings and tried to see who could swing higher... it was fun...

sorry... i was reliving my childhood days... started drifting off a bit... but its things like that, you can find someone with similar interest and do things like that with him/her...

and when you said you have nothing to smile about... well... have a read of the below and see if you should smile...

--------------------------
I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME ....

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. ..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
--------------------------------------------

To tell you the truth, that outgoing positive energy has no attraction on me. I prefer the mysterious shy energy from people. I love getting to know them because to me they are more interesting then the ones who already wear their hearts on their sleeves. If you ever wanted to talk, just pm me and I'll reply. I would love to get to know you and be friends. There are people who are jerks but once in a while you find that good person that makes it all worthwhile.
Take care of yourself KTtrain, I have missed you.

Thanks hey-its-ok and Emotional_77.

I find that a great way to get talking to people is to ask them about themselves and listen, be yourself AND be polite, and if you got nothing to smile about, FAKE IT. a smile is infectious and just trying to smile while listening will prompt a smile from your new friend and BADABING you feel better and then smile naturally.

good luck and take care