where do we go when we just don't know
Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2012 9:13 pm


thought id write a little of how am feeling.....
i don't want to die ( to angry or stubborn to do that ) , but my mind keeps asking me why do i want to carry on fighting, taking medication.
should i keep going for love? hell, that ship set sail and caught fire. many times over. For money? i care not for it, ( been given loads dew to a family member dying ) . friends? they left me when i was i first became depressed ( 8 years ago ) and my only two friends left ( by the way there married to each other ) have made there future plans which will send them away from me ( fact of life and based on history repeating itself ) and i wish them well. for family? lets say the jury is out on that. i don't work so that's out the window too.
i really don't mean to trigger people and i don't plan or want to kill myself but i don't see anything to push me forward, to keep me going. and here is the kicker. am not really mentally down. i am kinda in content mode ( could be better could be worse ). i have just developed this rather depressing attitude and can not shake it. i have been like this for 2 weeks now. so i guess am asking where to next?
all of that is not helped by the fact i can't sleep so my mind is always on. always racing. i have got loads to sort thru. a failed relationship. ( where did it go wrong and can i learn from it ). money things to think about now. friends ( leaving me ). not sleeping. family moving about. ( Xmas ). i post this for advice and for maybe someone to show me the way or even say they have been through this. or
thanks for reading
graham
aka.... humblehobbit ( on the chatrooms )