So Frustrating

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Destination
Posts: 190
Joined: Sat May 19, 2012 2:48 am

So Frustrating

Postby Destination » Tue Dec 11, 2012 8:45 pm

Well, I did it again. I went to my doctor appointment determined that I was going to tell what was wrong and get some help. But I couldn't do it. Its like I've got some gene that makes me automatically clam up. I thought about saying to the doc, "I've got this problem." And I just couldn't. He's a nice guy and all, but how would he understand. Worse if I had to go to the local mental health clinic and talk to some counselor, maybe even the same one who told my daughter she was not helping herself. I mean seriously, aren't counselors supposed to listen and not judge? Anyway I couldn't do it, I am so frustrated with myself. How am I supposed to get feeling better if I don't talk?
“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
― George Bernard Shaw

nenkohai
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:01 pm

Postby nenkohai » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:49 am

Des,

Listen, I have this exact issue. But, please, learn from my errors!

My tendency to clam-up not only has short-circuited my therapy at times, it so affected my marriage that it nearly ended it.

I [i]still[/i] worry about being judged, for sure. I get that. But when it comes to a. the quality of life you're leading and b. how leading your life with impeded quality affects others (especially the ones you love), then, in my view, it is time to act. And its time to act without regard to who may judge you.

Besides, those who you fear would judge you are professionals. You don't think they've seen this kind of thing before? I would bet they have.

It will not be a cake walk for you. You will have to work at it. But, it will be worth it. Promise.

(on a side and personal note, I know I said I have a problem with social media. And I do. It speaks to my addictive tendencies. But when just reading some of the posts here, I saw yours. I [b]HAD[/b] to say something since I am a lot like you!)

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Destination
Posts: 190
Joined: Sat May 19, 2012 2:48 am

Postby Destination » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:32 pm

Thanks nenkohai.

Its true, I don't like to be judged, which is why I don't much care for counselors. But the reason I clam up isn't because I am afraid I will be judged by the doctor, but because I'm afraid he won't believe me.

I've been asked before by friends "What's wrong?" and when I tell them, they don't believe it. They tell me that I'm just having a "bad week" or that I'm just seeking "attention". I've even been told that there "is no such thing" as depression.

I'm also afraid that if he does believe me, he will give me advice that doesn't help and not actually do anything about it, like my family. I've told my mom and my husband that I have depression.

My mom's advice is to "take it to the Lord" because she believes that everything can be cured by the power of prayer. Maybe that is true, but it is not helpful to me. My husband just says "You don't seem depressed" and then continues to act as if nothing is wrong.

So what I am worried about most is that the doctor will give me crap advice or worse, pat me on the head and tell me its all my imagination. Do you see?
“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

― George Bernard Shaw

stillwaters
Posts: 60
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 1:26 pm

Postby stillwaters » Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:42 am

Hi Destination
I am sorry you are having problems moving forward and being able to talk to Dr about problems. Please remember the Dr and Therapists are professionals (unlike friends and family) and can do a proper diagnosis and start you on a treatment plan. If they cant make determination, they should send you to further specialist.
When I started my journey of depression it was sooo hard for me to admit to any one how I felt but I got past it. I just knew I needed help and this was the only way I would get it so I opened up the floodgate and started spewing out my pain to my doc. He told me to stop, prescribed some tranq's to help me sleep and set up appointment with therapist. I have seen two therapists since then and will be seeing another next month. Each one is helpful in their own way, but you have to tell them whats going on inside of you. With the one from the Crisis Team I had to be very carefull when I talked about my feelings on suicide. Remember the darkman. He is still there and may always be but I dont feel the least bit like I would act on that, however I could not talk to her about it. My other therapist I can discuss anything with and she has been a tremedous help.
I am afraid if you have people that tell you you dont have depression, or depression doesnt exist, or all you have to do is wait for the second coming of Christ, its time for YOU to take action. Make and appointment with the doc. Write down how you are feeling, maybe print off some of your posts, and go see the Dr. They will not make fun of you, they are there to help you.
Please make another appointment, your life could be so much better.
Michael


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