Depression Understood Forums

Well,

I have been thinking for some time about what I will do, regarding kids.

With 2012, I feel I am getting closer to an answer that I think will suit my life.

_________

What I seem to be leaning toward is sterilization, maybe via Essure (or some similar procedure).

I had a chance to have it done over 5 years ago but didn't do it due to concerns about what traveling would be like.... (Back then when I seriously considered it, everyone was really still on edge about 9/11, so I surely didn't want to be going through the detector and beeping like mad....)

In all honesty, I regret not having done it all those years ago. Everything is the same, so I wouldn't have been missing anything.

hugs I'm sure it will be the right one for you. And if things change you can always change your mind if need be.

(((((((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))) --------> Holly!

Oh my! It's been too long!

Thank you for answering!

I went through something painful very recently that I think I've only managed to retain my sanity by the grace of God.... (I'm not very religious & certainly wouldn't want to appear to be imposing my viewpoint on anyone else. However, I really think there was some divine power that helped.)

Alright.... I will say it now.... It was really too painful for me to mention it previously. Recently, I was pregnant but could not have the child, due to the different medications I was taking & the fact that I had not had any prenatal care (while being what I felt was too far along).

I have an irregular period, so when I did not see one, I did not panic. I checked with a test every month, but the test's 2nd line showed up extremely faintly. It simply did not occur to me that I could be pregnant. (I had never been pregnant ever in my life.)

Many a time, I've gone to the gynecologist, only to leave with no answers. I've done enough tests and everything was almost always okay, except for one time where 2 of my hormones were high/too high.

In my mind, this broken body of mine could not perform anything miraculous at all. Well, I was wrong.

I had virtually no symptoms & I had no pain whatsoever. I only gained about 10lbs & very slowly at that. Every time I had a scare I would make sure to research early signs of pregnancy at various websites & could answer "NO" to the list.

A friend helped me through it. I don't know how I would have managed otherwise. I cried for that child & the situation for a while. Not only that, I was pretty depressed. I thought I would be down in the dumps depressed for much longer.

I still miss that child, but I have vowed to do every thing in my power not to have to go through that scenario again. It is my goal to be as responsible as I can be.....

Ever since that event, I think I could be a good mom and a lot of the anxiety I had about children has gone away almost entirely. It's amazing how something happens & changes your life, your whole perspective on things.

(((((((Crystal))))))))))

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry for your pain, and your loss. I'm so glad you had a friend to help you through it. And it sounds like you are thinking about it as clear as you can. Just from what I know you here, and the kind of person you are, you would make a good mom. I'm sorry I didn't respond right away. I didn't know the words to say. Still don't really. I'm not sure if there are any for this. But you have all of us here and we care. Take care of yourself.

Holly

(((((((((( Holly ))))))))))) Thank you!

I no longer regret my decision as much as I did before because the guy left me there & I had no one.

He even decided to stop talking to me because I won't give him any.

Well, another one bites the dust----yet another man, who has proven that he cannot be my friend.

My seizure symptoms appeared again....

You might wonder why I'm posting here....


Well, it started with my period (menstrual) or what looked like one.... It is usually strange, & I am used to that; it's nothing new. I was reading that women who have had seizures can tend to have them around their periods. I nearly had one again. Again, I'm used to that, too; that's nothing new.

What the information didn't say was that if you are miscarrying or anything of that nature (other sensitive things I won't say), you can also tend to have seizures or seizure symptoms. That's what happened to me; I miscarried.

It so happened I went to a doctor because I had some odd bleeding after my period was supposed to be finished, not spotting mind you, but bleeding, & I would not have known had it not been for my boyfriend. (We had been using condoms, which was we saw the bleeding.)

Maybe I would've sat there with a problem & gotten very badly ill.

The seizure symptoms came & was very bad--just short of a seizure--around the time of the bleeding, which when the doctor examined me & did tests on my urine said I was pregnant but was miscarrying.

By the way, the seizure symptoms I experienced were very unbalancing for me:

jumbled words (e.g. basket in the cat for cat in the basket; sad part is I'll never realize I said something wrong)

forgetfulness (e.g. misplacing belongings; don't remember thoughts sometimes for several days if not written down immediately; forget mid sentence while having a conversation.... I'll be talking then stop... I guess that's why I'm sort of anti-social...)

visual deception/hallucination (e.g. seeing "shadows" ; kind of amusing & frightening at the same time; maybe it's just the light playing tricks on my eyes or maybe it's due to my astigmatism/myopia; I also used to see bugs... Don't ask me why... & I tended to see this harmless worm I didn't happen to be afraid of but I did tend to see it in odd places like the refrigerator & then just realize it's simply a line on a bag or something)

headache (dull or sharp pain)

biting my tongue in my sleep, especially if I roll around in my sleep

Stammering (sometimes)

Random tingling in body (not like legs falling asleep & stuff as in restless leg syndrome but more like a muscle twitch sometimes my face, arms, lips, chest, wherever.... Used to get it in my either of my eyes like notoriously)

Having a hard time rising & shining (or getting up from a nap, overly groggy, feeling like I want to fall over, sometimes I actually lose my balance while walking around & stuff.... badly incoherent, "Hhmm? Huh? What?" Oh man, It can be bad.... LoL Sometimes people get frustrated with me.... ) Normally it's 5 minutes or less & I'm good to go... When a seizure is coming, I will have a hard time getting up, may take anywhere from 30 minutes, 60 minutes or more for more body to be able to move properly.


Oddly enough, I have actually been able to feel when I would have a seizure & alter my actions/behavior. I usually don't just get one symptom. There's usually more than together & that's how I can tell....

This was long, but I hope anyone reading understands what seizures can be like, if you don't have the disorder.

Also, I am taking medication again. 100mg has taken care of all of those nasty symptoms I just described. Side effects aren't too much. I did have a brief suicidal feeling when I started Topiramate (Topamax) & I was quite irritable, but I think the worst is over now.

The doctor wants to give me 1 gram, but I WILL NOT TAKE IT, UNLESS IT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, & right now, it is not absolutely necessary.

Besides, I have to be careful with the medicine because if I remember correctly, it causes organ failure eventually....

I was bummed a bit...

Well, I started looking into birth control methods & it turns out that I may not be able to do anything hormonal, due to the medication I take for the seizure....

The seizure medicine reduces the effectiveness/efficacy of hormonal birth control methods, as far as I read....

What I'm left with is a copper IUD (intrauterine device; Paragard, most likely or some equivalent). There are cervical caps, sponges, diaphragms, etc., which I'm not really familiar with using....

I was hoping this would be easy, but it's not really.... Whatever....

Of course, I was horrified when I had little to no direction from the gynecologist... especially after I found out that one of the birth control methods I was considering has a "rare" side effect of a seizure....

Thank goodness for my general doctor.... He was a lot of help to me....

I'm also petrified of having the IUD installed.... Technically, it's said IUDs are for women who have had children & I technically haven't had any. Oh, what a headache.... What a riot....

I finally met this brilliant lady, who is knowledgeable enough and could help me! What a lifesaver.

She is a certified registered nurse/midwife. My Paragard should be on the way. It can "rarely" puncture the uterus, but it is the best option I have for my condition.

I seriously considered birth control after I seem to be encountering men who want to do nothing but make me pregnant. They are not looking to be responsible in any way, and it is disturbing. They don't want me or anything, just the child and they are not really looking to support the child either. It's something. I've heard of situations like those, but I really didn't understand it well enough until now.

My journey has been a long one but I think I've finally arrived.

When I was about 17, my then general doctor started talking about birth control. She was recommending it then to regulate my period. Mom and I said "No."

Years later, I was having thoughts about birth control, so I asked again what she recommended. She said Yaz. I got the prescription and didn't use it. As a side note, the pharmacist looked at me strangely when I went to fill it, so that freaked me out a tad. Just last year or the year before, I saw one of those attorney commercials for damages from Yaz. Well, you know I was extremely glad I didn't take it.

By now, I have my seizure condition, so her recommendation doesn't necessarily take my medication into consideration. To my knowledge, the efficacy of birth control pills are reduced when taken with antiseizure medication.

Back in 2006, I went to a gynecologist, my first female. She and her assistant's handling of my inside were overly rough and I had pains for about 2 weeks. I asked that doctor birth control. She recommended Mirena. Well, I also saw an attorney commercial for it last year or the year before that with a warning about it puncturing the uterus and women suffering damage from the device. Yeah, you know I rejoiced that I hadn't used it.

Her recommendation, in my opinion, did not take into consideration my seizure condition.

I went to another gynecologist (older man), paid money and he was unable to help me.

Last year I went to a different gynecologist (also a male) and that individual recommended shots (Depo), and when I looked it up, I read that a "rare" side effect was a seizure.

For months I tried to get birth control (Paragard) and that office told me I had to be on my period. It made no sense to me but I tried to do it their way.

When I finally went to new lady (my lifesaver), she said, "No, you don't have to be on your period. In fact, you can use Paragard as emergency contraception." Well, you know I just stared at her, right?

Those people in the previous office maintained that I had to be on my period to get ANY birth control. For the record, I was not pregnant when I tried to get any contraception. It's just that my period would come on a weekend when it did not skip a month.

I was not comfortable in that office any way because the doctor was being cheap and would not pay a physician's assistant to be there in the room with him. You don't know how messed up I was when I was the receptionists from outside come in the room to be a witness to my examination. One lady I even went to school with and it's not like we were friends or anything. It was seriously perturbing, so that's my reasoning for not wanting to be in that office. I don't need my classmates from high school peering up my _________, especially if they are not qualified to do so!! Any way......

For the first male gynecologist I went to, the nurse/physician's assistant/receptionist gets very cranky if you don't come every year for a checkup. I cannot afford it and simply don't like people looking up my ________________. I hate her attitude about it. I am adult with freedom of choice. She should be glad I don't come every year; it's not like I want her man to be looking up my stuff!!! (She has children with the doctor and they live together.)

I mean he nearly lost it when he saw my ________________ and had to examine it. Like hell I need him looking at mine! SHOOT! Do you know what it is to have a much, much, MUCH older man who should be able to have restraint for all that he's seen drool over my ___________?! His girlfriend (the nurse/assistant/receptionist) literally had to like come over to him and whisper to him to get a grip! No joke! Man, it gives me the chills.

To all who read this, I hope you can understand my aversion to doctor's and hospitals somewhat. It's what I've had to go through just to get some things handled. What should have been simple was overly complex and long-winded.