10 months depression

[Joanna]

Hi I am new to this so a little confusing. I have been ill for ten months now. First it started with a psychosis. Then they put me on Lithium when I should have been put on an antidepressant. I went into hospital twice. I am on Venlafaxine on 225mg. I cut back on my 10 mgs of Diazepam about a week ago to 4mgs.

The scary thing is my moods go up and down in the day. I am on Lorazepam 0.5 mgs and Quetiapine 200mgs at night. I have been on the Venlafaxine for a few months now. The dose of 225mgs was put up to that level about I don't know, 10 weeks or so ago. The frustrating thing is that I had two good weeks a few weeks ago now, then my mood went back down! I have really had enough of this depression, it feels like the ten months has been an eternity.
I am 35 and have a loving husband and three year old daughter, and the rest of my family is supportive too. I am seeing my Psychiatrist again in ten days
.
I get bored so easily too and some days just don't have a clue what to do with myself. I wish I could find people in my area to make friends with who are experiencing depression too. Like I said, my husband is very caring and always there for me, but it would be nice to make friends also with others like me, I mean who are going through what I am. Ten months! How much longer do I have to endure this battle!!!!! I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 a few years ago, but I am not sure that, that is correct, I think the depression is the main thing here. I have had bouts before, but never for this long.

[Ahorse]

Hi,

Yes it is confusing but you've done very well. Given a lot of info for people to work with for you but I see no one has as yet. This seems to be quite a small forum so don't take it personally. Your case may be too difficult for most or many other things.

The first thing you need decided is what your real diagnosis is. It sounds very much like bi polar to me.

You say your moods go up and down during a day. That is not just depression, it's very much bi polar in nature. If it started low and improved during the day then it would or may be just depression. But when it varies both ways in one day bi polar must be considered.

This would be why you were given lithium. It is a mood stabiliser commonly used to even out our moods. I am BP2 and have lithium as a daily diet and it does the job. No big fuctuations thank God. I also take Effexor, which is the other drug you are on. Venlafaxine is Effexor. I take 300 mgs per day and have had it 3 times in 10 years, up to 550 mgs per day when I was in the bad lands.

Now I have stabilised, hopefully long term.

You say 10 months of this. Yes, until your meds and other treatment is set, diagnosis made and treatment consistent fluctuations drive you crazy and take away your will to do anything.

You say you were diagnosed with BP. Well, that's what I see in your description. Don't forget bp is a combination of highs and low lows. The lows are just depression but the highs are actually mania or hypomania. Feels wonderful really until wild swings occur and you have no idea what's what suddenly. That happened to me and I went back on Lithium. Problem solved, for me.

You need a mood stabiliser and quick if you are still fluctuating.

Have you tried Effexor and Lithium together? If your depression is still strong I'd suggest the dose is too low. 225 is not a strong dose for a strong illness. If you are seeing a GP, basic doctor they won't prescribe more than you have now as they are advised not to. You need a shrink to prescribe above that level. I've known many on the internet who have had doses of up to 600 mgs and really those that have about the 225 frequently give up on it because it isn't working.

It is likely to at a higher dose but that's for you and a shrink to discuss really.

Diazapam (Valium) is pretty useless if you take it regularly I'm afraid. It's one of those drugs where you reach a tolerance level quickly and need more and more if you want to take that road. That's addiction that road. Don't go there.

Valium is really only useful if you use it when you really need it. I take it when I can't sleep and feel all edgy and restless. I take 15mgs and in 20 minutes I'm ready to sleep. I can't take it for more than three days though as it doesn't work at all after that, at that level. So I don't take it and save it fior emergency times. Which is what it is actually for, short term relief only.

I don't know the other drugs but they sound like drugs to help sleep. Is that right?

You mention too that Effexor went to 225 about 10 weeks ago. If you've had no improvement I'd suggest a higher dose as above, after discussion with a shrink. It truly doesn't work for many of us at the levels you are on. For me even when I wen on the higher dose it was about 6 weeks before it changed me. Suddenly I felt able to cope. Suddenly is the wrong word. What I mean is I suddenly realised I was feeling better.

A word of warning here. DO NOT stop Effexor suddenly. Can be hard on you and may be regardless but if you come off it do it as advised by your shrink. No self medicating. This is one of the few drugs that can hurt coming off but to me it's worth it as I'm back for thirds. Because IT WORKS.

You know how? My partner told me my face had changed. I'd been in a very bad way for nearly 18 months and I just had the habit of feeling bad and didn't notice until she told me. Then I looked at myself and she was right. Weird isn't it

I have to say my situation was quite extreme. I was on nothing for nearly 18months although I was seeing a shrink. An incompetent one. He had me on a drug for anger, nothing else. I could strangle him today as he worsened my condition badly.

I've been stable for a few years now but I still see my shrink and take my meds as I know I'm in need of them. I've tried without quite a few times and 6 weeks is as long as I've had before it goes to pieces. That's OK, I'm used to it.

How long you endure the battle really is up to you. You need to take charge of your own treatment. Doctors often seem to be running the show, therapists too and, frankly, most of us sit there waiting for them to tell us how to fix it all. Won't happen. The problem, and answer is within you.

Have you had a general physical, xray and blood tests? This should be standard practice to at least exclude a range of potential causes. If you haven't, get it done.

You say you have a shrink. Do you like that person? Can you relate to them? Do they listen to you or tell you how you feel. If you don't get on well with them they won't be much help to you. A good shrink I feel is the key to recovery. I laugh and joke with my shrink these days but I started with him in deadly fear, like all of us I guess.

The last thing I'd like to say is you mention it would be good to have other friends who have or have had depression. I'd suggest to you that is not a good idea in the slightest. Use forums to talk with and between us. Here we can be wonderful and helpful people, In real life we'd probably hate each other.

I tried a couple of times to do the face to face with people from a couple of forums and it was awful. Everyone was trying to find out who was who and then trying to put their posts together with what they saw. Didn't match, it was a failure.

It may work for you but think about it. How reliable are we, as depressed people? Are we likely to arrange something and actually turn up on time? My experience is no, we are not. It is, in fact, a terrible idea as we are trying to cope with them as well as us and we cannot do that until we are well.

Use fourms, there are plenty around.

Good luck and ask me anything you'd like if you get this and feel inclined.