Amazing disappointment

[Stephen]

Well, a short post from myself. But also one written out of an emotion I rarely feel: TRUE anger.

I have such terrible anger and disappointment in someone I considered my friend, I do not even know how to address this feeling.

I just don't damn well know anymore - you try and do your best for all those around you at all times, and what happens? Criticism without even a discussion about it, or really a rational conversation.

Thank you so much to the person that contributed to this feeling at 10am in the morning when I've not even slept.

What a charmer!

Stephen

[ButterflyKisses]

I know this was written awhile ago, but I hope you are feeling peace now!

[Stephen]

Thank you for responding ButterflyKisses.

It's odd, I had to look at the date I posted my "Amazing disappointment" message. It seems a lot longer ago than 27th August for some reason.

To be frank, I'm still upset and annoyed regarding the person I alluded to in my post, but the anger has subsided (I've not spoken to the person since).

I think I've rationalised the situation on a more cognitive level now, and although of course there are two sides to every story, I don't consider I did anything wrong. I was just let down (yet again), by someone I thought I could trust and rely on. At the time it seemed like another punch in the face. The one that would break the camel's back.

I mainly repress my anger -- especially in public -- so on a level, I'm glad I posted that post and let it out. Perhaps it's a turning point for me. Everyone gets angry, it's human nature, and to repress it, as I usually do, isn't helpful.

Hmm, you've got me thinking now!

Stephen

[ButterflyKisses]

Thinking is good, unless you overanalize everything like I do. I think things through so much that by the time I'm done....the ending doesn't resemble anything like the question! lol
I too have been let down by most people. Are we really just seeking the one person who won't lie, cheat, disappoint and be our best friend/lover/relative?? Is this really attainable? I don't think it is. It doesn't keep us from trying though. But when this person finally gives us the "last straw", its just another "told ya so", slap in the face. One more person we opened our hearts, thoughts, and feelings to, and got let down. Just know that NO ONE is falable. We are only human. We do stupid things all the time, are usually don't intend to hurt anyone. If the friendship is worth saving, you will work it out. Don't give up on your next friendship/relationship, just because you feel like this one didn't live up to your expectations sweety. Hope this helps??

[Stephen]

Thinking is good -- it's a must in my life. But it has to be conducted, in my case, in a rational way (which isn't always the case for me).

I'm male (oh, yeah, like no one knew that from my nickname!), and I'm not so great at making male friends. I thought I had managed it with the person I speak of here. I was wrong, so I'm shattered in a away. I should have known better than to trust someone pretending to be like a brother to me.

I am tainted by this experience. My main thought is that I thought I'd learnt who I could trust and who I couldn't. This joker fooled me... and I know he fools others too. I was just slow on the uptake I guess. Perhaps I trust too easily? Well, he was a friend to me for over a year, but oh well, I was tricked; either that or my expectations were too high.

Yes, butterfly, over thinking things isn't helpful, but I do it too... I've come from a childhood where if I didn't say/behave exactly as per my abuser's wishes, I'd be abused. Thus I'm left forever wondering if what I say (including this very post), will have massive repercussions.

I digress! I'm good at that; this I know!

I do think it's obtainable to find that one, singular person Butterfly... if I still didn't have hope in that, I think I'd throw in the towel (give up).

I have been very lucky in so many ways, as I have had the fortune to meet some wonderful people. But with that, came this pain and anger I speak of here.

And finally, no the friendship isn't worth trying to get back. I really don't think I could ever trust my ex-friend ever again. It's done and dusted. It's saddening... but you live and learn. What cuts me so much is I thought I'd learnt already. I was wrong.

Sorry, this is really self indulgent. But it's stirred things up in me Butterfly, so thank you so much for responding to my initial post.

Stephen

[ButterflyKisses]

I hope in my responding to this post, that I haven't made your feelings towards this matter worse. That was not my intent.

I too, most recently was (I don't even know the word for it) shocked, saddened, disappointed, dumbstruck??? by someone who I think is the closest to me personally. After knowing this person for almost 6 years, I find out he smokes pot recreationally with one of his friends. This may not sound like much, but when you think you know someone inside and out, emotionally and physically....its just numbing. It was intentionally kept from me because I'm not into that kind of thing. He thought I wouldn't care for him anymore, or be ashamed of him. I told him, that it wasn't the act of doing it, it was the fact he hid it from me. Not exactly a lie, but it was being honest either.

He has tried to make up to me, but things aren't the same. I'm the type of person that if you are special enough, to break through all my barers, and then let me down, my walls go back up emotionally. I know this too stems from my childhood trauma's. I am pretty much numb to him at this point. I told him it will take a long time, if ever to gain his trust (?) back.

Again, I know how you feel, and I'm sorry if this posting makes you more upset. (HUGS!)

[Stephen]

Oh no, you didn't stir up anything bad. Actually, it's been of great benefit. It's made me think over some stuff that was much needed to be thought about.

As you say ButterflyKisses, honesty is always the best -- even if it might upset/hurt the person initially. A long drawn out lie will kill a relationship.

I'm sorry this has happened to you (Hugs). I hope in time you might be able to trust this person again -- then again, I know so little about the situation, it's hard to really judge if that is actually a good thing or not.

Stephen

[ButterflyKisses]

I'm glad your thinking did some good. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((Stephen)))))))))))))))))))

You did nothing wrong, I know that.

You have made your decision, a correct one I might add, and life has gone on. You are the better person, just remember that.

Don't think to long on it, pulls up emotions that you are getting past.

Warmie

[Stephen]

Yes, I know I did nothing wrong. I think now -- having thought about it more -- with your prompting, it is just one of those experiences I have to learn from.

Thank you for caring and taking the time to reply to my original post.

Stephen

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Totally agree.

Take care

Warmie