not so happy new years eve poss trigger

[hollyann]

New Years eve has always been hard for me for I dont know how long I spent a lot of years around this time being suicidal. The onlytimes I havent minded so much have been the times in Texas at the church spent praying in the new year, with a group of people I knew cared, first time i ever did it I had to take anxiety meds, but the more I was there the more i belonged.

Last year I made it to the church in texas, like a family to me. Last year I had my mom, her husband, my son and Bruce with me. We did the white elephant game, Big dinner, kind of a pot luck and ten prayed in the new year. Couple of the adults let off fireworks for all to see of money everyone went on. And Bruce helped the kids with sparklers...

none of that this year... i could have drove the trip three hours to texas to the church and spent in there but was worried about the memories. but instead sit in the room where theres even more memories.... For weeks now I've been wondering how I'd get through this night..and not sure i would but ive managed somehow and i have thanks to you all even if you didnt know it... but its still been a very hard, a very alone and very tearful night for me... i just wish this gaping hole wouldn't hurt so much.

Holly

[crystalgaze]

(((((((((((( Holly )))))))))))))))))))))))

You're doing good! Proud of you for trying. You WILL get there. At least... I believe that you will. Hang in there & keep on keeping on as you are. You will make it.

[hollyann]

(((((((Crystal))))))))) thanks.