Hum.... (Family Stuff) Trigger?

[xn728]

my wifes mother beat fran with a hard wooden brush when she was young ,,mother suffered from depression ,layed in bed and fran had to do evrything ,grew up to hate her married me and left her behind ,she helps her now as she has parkinsons ,they seem ok but when i think of fran ,it must hurt her ,but she,s strong ,xn728 ken hi crystal .

[aim]

Your mother is either depressed or a spoiled brat, gaze. I would opt to think that she is probably depressed, right? Seems to be what you are opting for as well. Just remember though... we cannot help someone change and improve unless they want it too. Best to just accept your mother, flaws and all, and realize that you are NOT a slave and do not have to do every little thing your mother asks of you. Have you ever said no to her?

[crystalgaze]

I can relate to the hard wooden brush.... My mom was very, gosh should I say abusive...? to my brother. I don't know what he did but she ended up getting so mad that she started like hitting him with a pot spoon... (Pot spoon was metal....)

I think I was such a perfectionist in the beginning & walked such a straight line because I thought my parents were scary. I adopted the ultra good girl attitude.... In my head, it was, "You want me to make good grades? Only a few or no C's or D's? Okay. Fine. I will make A's as much as I can, so I won't have to risk any kind of backlash any place...."

There was 1 day in particular where my mom nearly used every thing at my brother.... Broom stick which she broke on him (maybe his back).... Frying pan or pots + pans in general.... etc.... I still don't recall what that was....

In my head, it was, "They're crazy... Let me not push them...."

& yes, aim, I have definitely said no or simply ignored her. I don't really talk to her much or be around her, so as to not have any arguments....

[aim]

Sounds good to keep your distance, Gaze. You're poor brother! How is he now? Can you guys be there for each other? I can't imagine leaving that type of environment unscarred at all...

Your mother sounds like a very sick woman, Gaze. Not making excuses for her behavior, just stating a possible reason for her behavior. Just don't get sucked into her illness, ok? I know it's hard but do your best - and get out of the house as soon as you can! Any plans on that?

[crystalgaze]

Yep! I am trying to figure out what to do... I might have a little bit of a clue now...

Well you know about my post about eating for your blood type... I started with that... I want to leave when I know I have reliably found something that can help... which I'm hoping is in a short while...

I have managed not to fight with my mom much... & I am glad... This moment of peace is so nice...

I think my temperament is a little better of late also.

About my brother, funny, we've not usually been able to get along well. Maybe 1 day it will happen.

[crystalgaze]

My godfather's brother is here today... I am a little emotional about it. I am making it a point not to see him; he had some very hurtful things to say about me (behind my back).

His wife is pretty kewl though!


My mom will also have surgery in about 10 days, so I guess there's a bit of anxiety about that.

Edit: It's been a little rough lately. Mom went for surgery today. I don't really know how to feel, except tired. I think she's going to be okay though.

[aim]

You feel so deeply, crystal, I hope you never change that about yourself. Don't let life take it away from you, ok?

How is your mother? I noticed the post was from quite a while ago... is everything ok on your end?

Did things go ok with your godfather's brother? Glad his wife is ok, but why don't you like him?

[crystalgaze]

Mom is okay. The surgery went okay. She is still being too brisk for her own good. I know she does it so she doesn't feel like an invalid, but.... OH MAN!!!

She is climbing the stairs almost every day now & driving....

& then she will say she is in pain & I'll have to gently remind her that she still has to make sure to take a break every now + then....

As for my godfather's brother, I only don't like him because of what he said--not knowing the whole story--in 1 of my moments of crisis a while back. He is on my sh*t list, but I am trying to forgive him & let it go. He really is not worth all of that energy to begin with any way....

I didn't "bless" him or his wife with my presence (as much as I like his wife)....

My aunt will be coming again soon.... I love her, but I really don't want her back so soon. Guests are work, & she can complain + be picky in an annoying way + moody. However, I can show her my progress, so.... yeah.... I guess it'll be all right.

[aim]

Of course you'll be all right, Gaze. You are a fighter and a survivor!

Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give both the other person and yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but to forgive really is divine. It frees you of the anger you are holding in, and in the long run, your physical and mental health will only benefit from that.

Keep on fighting, gaze... it'll all be worth it in the end.

[crystalgaze]

Thanks aim!

I am struggling with something again.... I get angry almost immediately when my Mom comes around me. It's like all she has to do is step into my space & I am very visibly annoyed.

I definitely am not out to hurt her feelings. She doesn't leave me alone when I need to be left alone. My moods are not good & with this bleeding I have been having, they are not any better. (I am still trying to figure out if this bleeding right now is a menstrual period or if it's abnormal uterine bleeding or bleeding to be really worried about. If it's a period, it should be ending tomorrow, Thursday or Monday the latest, I hope. So far my results look normal.)

I don't know if it's because she needs me or something... ~shrugs~

She is hard to love. If I am nice to her, then she will walk all over me.... I am not sure how to manage it.... Being around her is stressful in itself because I have to have my guard up all the time, so I don't fall into 1 of her traps. She often likes to do the damsel in distress bit when she is not an invalid.

& what gets me is I have no one to cry to or even ask for help in my immediate area. I would be washed up by now if I didn't attempt to be self-sufficient--at least to try to do things for myself.

When I was cleaning the windows Sunday, there was no 1 to help. It was just me & the stuff has to get done. My Dad came out for moral support & would help me lift the wash pan I was using or go in the house to open the windows, so the extender (stick thing) could clean the whole pane properly.

I need any thing done? Most of the times, I can't ask her any way. What I could ask her I hesitate to do so because I don't want to have to be beholden to her....

~shakes my head~ I don't know what to do. I am trying my best.

[crystalgaze]

Today, I met one of my aunts I've never met (mother's side). She was amazingly warm. I was a bit surprised... She was also pretty youthful looking...

I got caught 'cause I was outside when they came to the house. At first, I thought, "Drat! Now what am I supposed to do?!" Then, I was just myself. I hugged her. I hugged my uncle (the same 1 that cursed my mom & us--although I was not present). He was, of course, smiling from ear to ear, grinning & laughing, like he normally does & like nothing happened. He seemed to be having a good day. (I was glad.)

This particular aunt is the one who named her daughter something close to my name. The history is that she hates my mother (from all that I've heard).

There is 1 thing that bothered me a little about my uncle.... He sort of paid attention to me in an odd way (like I've never seen any time prior)...

I was wearing some short pants & a tank top, since I was cleaning for a good bit of the day. When my uncle came by with my aunt, I was watering some of the plants. He just seemed to look at me more than he's ever look at me....

My tank top did shift a bit, so it was low on my boobs. Oh dear, but man, I was doing yard work. I mean... that's to be expected, right?!

Now, they hadn't left yet, before I started washing the 3rd car. Uncle is paying attention to me again, washing the car. I was just a little... Um... unnerved.... to put it lightly

I had an off thought... In my head, I said, "If I am ever raped by any one I know, it'll probably be him." There are 2 other people--very close people to me here on the island--whom I could think of for that quote, but that's morbid, isn't it?

I mean... I don't know what I saw... I am going to put that hold thought on hold, right there.... but really, it was strange.

[crystalgaze]

It was pretty rough lately.... My mom & I had our little clash--over something inconsequential as usual. She seemed to be done with me, although it was not my fault (like it most times is not).

I am to a point where I am done with her. My Dad has always been the one to do for me & take care of me. It is rare for my mother to stick her hands in her pocket for anything major for me. That is my indicator right there.

We are on speaking terms, but in large part, I try to stay away from her. I'm 26 years old; I don't belong fighting with my mother, so I try to avoid things. In avoidance, she takes that personally, too, so I can't do anything right or correct.

It is a bummer sometimes.

I am not letting it bother me, though; I am trying for peace in my space and that is all that matters to me. I am attempting to move on with & get some place in my life. Either I will go around or go through whatever obstacle it is--even if it is my mother.

Funny.... My mind turns to some lyrics from the Monstars Anthem and Seal's Fly Like an Eagle (both for the Space Jam soundtrack).

[Obayan]

I'm glad that you are standing up and being so strong.

((( crystal )))

[crystalgaze]

Thanks Obayan... A lot of times I feel like crying about it and other stuff, but I know that will not solve the problem.

It's all been a little tough lately.... I've had to say some hard things because they had to be said.

There's been some stress lately with family taxes (we didn't know anything about).... my brother (who does nothing but drain money from us & that's a major reason for us being behind the 8 ball now), etc.

I've had to speak to my Dad about my brother, constantly draining us because whether we acknowledge it or not, I did suffer, due to his actions. & look who continues to get rewarded....

My Dad doesn't understand that part. He just sees it as "I must help my son & who will help him but me?" & my response is: "That's all fine & good, but help someone who will at least treat us kindly & give a crap about us."
Also.... He will be 33 yrs old at the end of this month & has done nothing but waste money since he was 16 or 17. The only time he calls is when he wants/needs something & my Dad gives in every time. It's no wonder he isn't taken seriously.

Mind you: In all that time, he was never legitimately sick or anything like that (to my knowledge & I wouldn't believe him now because he is a pathological liar).

It's a matter I shouldn't have to be banging my mouth on, but I am doing so because it has affected me. I have been there when they needed someone to do something. I have sacrificed & probably got sick because I did. The only immediate blood they can turn to for anything is ME.

The other part that irked me the most & my father absolutely does not understand where I have been coming from with this is that he has supported my brother in "shacking up" with this lady. (& I have nothing against her; I thought she was cool, even though we were not close. I think she & my brother would make a good couple. I've never heard him talk so much about any woman but her. He still did her bad, though.)

Now.... I was always preached to about NOT shacking up and here my Dad comes & supports the very thing he told me not to do!!! & can't see what I'm so annoyed about to this day! XD

I dang well KNOW he WOULD NOT support me, if I were living with a man I was not married to, much less one who is deadbeat!!! It's okay for the boy to do it but not the girl. That's not how it should be!!

I'm NOT saying I want to shack up because 1st, it's not my style & 2nd, my reputation is what will really suffer. I'm just saying the bias should not be there like that. My Dad had no business preaching to me & then supporting the very thing he told me not to do!

It was good advice! I totally agree with him 100%, but supporting my brother wh*** out another gal is where it bugs me to no end. If he doesn't want that for me, he shouldn't want it for anyone else! Why he does not see what I am saying is beyond me, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. (I will not gain anything from harping on it.)

& at that time, my brother was sitting on his a** not doing anything whatsoever. It's one thing to offer assistance, but my Dad paid the rent & gave spending money! Goodness gracious!! & the only reason he was able to send that one money really was because I got a scholarship for college that I had to maintain a ridiculous GPA to keep! & each year, the GPA to keep it kept going up for the most part!

& so, I've had to flap my mouth on something I really wished not to say anything about, asking that the handouts to my brother stop, before we end up on the street. (The handouts stuff has gone on for a good chunk of my life, 16 years or so! It's not because I want it. I'd much prefer my Dad take a vacation or something. He sacrifices so much & hardly does anything for himself.)

My Dad is one of the best dads in the world. I've told him enough times that he has already done a stellar job with his son, who has been nothing but a parasite. He's done MORE than a stellar job. He did what he could and there's no more he can do now.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Um.... oops.... I think I slipped.....

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( crystal )))))))))))))))))

No slipping. Just see a lot of love and concern for you father. Good to see that. You are putting him first, as it should be.

Warmie