Is there a sign on my back?

[JulesK]

How is it that I keep winding up with friends who are, to speak bluntly, train wrecks? I don't mean things go wrong every so often. That happens to every one and friends help each other out when things go wrong. I don't mean that they get down or even suffer from depression as bad as or worse than mine. That would be hypocritical.

I mean the people who live life as a soap opera. One bloody thing after another after another after another. And even trifling events must be distorted until they are disasters on par with the sinking of the Titanic. I can practically hear the dramatic organ music playing in the background when I talk to them or read their emails. Sometimes I want to say "I love you dearly but please go away until you get a tiny bit of clue." There are only so many epic disasters one gal can handle in a month.

But to be honest, here's what really gets me. In the rare event that the Titanic isn't sinking during a given amount of time, my friends fall out of my life, only to return when it is time for another episode "As the Train Wrecks." Should I be charging my friends for therapy? I don't understand it. I'm not very outgoing. I don't spontaneously make friends because I'm afraid of having my feelings hurt. And frankly, this sort of thing makes me less likely to make friends. How is it I keep winding up with these kinds of friends?

Sorry to grouse. I'm not saying I want someone who is slavishly attentive to ME so I can take a starring role in As the Train Wrecks. I don't want to stop being friends with them. I'm just worn out with dragging a prolonged MDE around and I'm tired. My husband has health issues that require a lot of time/worry and I'm tired. I don't want to be anyone's mom/therapist/nanny any more. Is there a sign on my back? How do I remove it?

[jj]

hey JulesK

you dont have to accept any burden of theirs that you dont want to.

sometimes all someone needs is an ear, and if that what you can provide at the moment that is that, and that is okay.

boundaries is an important lesson that took me so long to learn. have a think about what yours are, and when they are being crossed.

we project the person we are through how we behave. maybe in always tending to them when they are in need, they get the impression that that is your role. -dont let their behaviour define you. it is superb and so great that you can be that friend for them, and be that consoling and supportive person, but that isnt all that you are, and im sure you are aware of this.

being a good friend like that isnt always about finding the solution and advising them, maybe next time the are asking for such time and requirements of you, just be an ear, and empathetic. it is not your job or your role or duty to sort their lives out for them, like you said, youre not their mother or nanny.

Definition of friend:
A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection

...just listen and offer hugs and such, just one approach you could take maybe.



jj