Meaning of Heather Flowers

[YuKey]

I don't know what to do..so many feeling I feel right now.
Its hard to cope with them
I've been feeling alone for a very long time...
I have some friends, but even they leave me alone and hurt me all the time... nobody tries to change, ever..
When I started dating I thought I would stop feeling alone snce I have him but.
Hes a great guy, tries to understand me and is very nice and patient. He doesnt try to push or force me into things... even if he hurts emotionally sometimes... I really love him....
But it didnt happen though, especially after our fight the day before halloween... My friends proved to me how much they care abut me right after.... one of my worst days definently....
Everytime I start trusting people again, they just let me down again... always leaving me feeling alone and betrayed.....
I always crawl back like a dog, because I can't stand being alone....
I'm just so sick of it... Of pain, of lonelyness .... of everything
My "mood" doesn't help with school at all.... Plus everytime my grades get worse or such things, it onlly makes everything worse...
Like it doesnt matter if I even go to school anymore...
I wish it would all just go away....
I wish I could just disapear.... Nobody carees anyways... Not friends, not family... no-one
I'm just a bother....

Byt the way, if anyone is wondering about the title
The meaning of Heather flowers is solitude

[WOMBLE]

Hi YuKey, I know how you feel, what you descibe reminded me so much of my teenage years . I didn't really trust anyone so bottled it up, so believe me, that doesn't work. You have to talk to someone......
but you know that don't you, it's why your here. While I'm stating the obvious did you know the sky is blue and rain is wet.
I'm not a psychiatist, I can only tell you stuff based on my experiances, I do think you should think about going to your school counciler if they have one, or go to your doctor and ask to be refered to a therepist.
I'm half way through writting My Story, onto the third version (frakking harder than I imagined when I started) but I hope to post it in a week or two. Hard as its been it's helped put where I am now in better perspective.
Doing your own could help you express what you think and feel if you do seek face to face help.
Just don't give up on yourself.
You're not Alone.
And you're not a bother.
WOMBLE.

[crystalgaze]

Hi YuKey! Just a hello & welcome. Nice to meet you! May I ask what is your age range? (I'm in my 20s.)

You might be all you have. With that said, that's why you have to "big up" yourself. It won't happen overnight, but with some thinking & working on dropping habits that don't work for you & using ones that do, you will evolve.

Don't give up!

[crystalgaze]

Alright YuKey.... I slept on your post.... & I have some more thoughts for you now.

You see that your situation with your friends is not all you want/need it to be. It may be hard to do, but perhaps, you will have to start looking for a new bunch of friends!

About school, school matters because it is FOR YOU that you are going. If you drop out, YOU will be the one messed up seriously--not anybody else. I know school may not be for everyone, but if you can endure, I will always encourage those who attempt it to stay in it.

When you don't make good grades, please don't get too down about it because you won't be able to concentrate well enough to improve & see where you are going wrong.

You can't down yourself for every failure. Where will you end up, if you do that? How will you be able to make progress?

If you didn't do so well, you have to just throw that day out & say, "I'm going to start fresh. If I'm not able to do it this time around, I'll just try again." If you see you are still having a problem, have you tried tutoring/extra help from your peers/the teacher/other people?

As for trust, if you trust people & they let you down or whatever, you revoke your trust & you don't bother with them. If they have shown you that they are not worth your time, then.... they really are not worth your time.

Those folks are out there enjoying themselves & their lives.... You should be too.... Later for those people--much later.

You take care & chin up.... 'cause you can do it!

(I hope I have not overstepped my bounds here, but this was my attempt at encouragement!)

[YuKey]

Hi YuKey, I know how you feel, what you descibe reminded me so much of my teenage years . I didn't really trust anyone so bottled it up, so believe me, that doesn't work. You have to talk to someone......
but you know that don't you, it's why your here. While I'm stating the obvious did you know the sky is blue and rain is wet.
I'm not a psychiatist, I can only tell you stuff based on my experiances, I do think you should think about going to your school counciler if they have one, or go to your doctor and ask to be refered to a therepist.
I'm half way through writting My Story, onto the third version (frakking harder than I imagined when I started) but I hope to post it in a week or two. Hard as its been it's helped put where I am now in better perspective.
Doing your own could help you express what you think and feel if you do seek face to face help.
Just don't give up on yourself.
You're not Alone.
And you're not a bother.
WOMBLE.

I wish I had a good friend to talk to, but I don't have really close friends....
And due to something that happened with my mom (note: not TO my mom) I refuse to see a therapist....
I will try to write my story too.. but ubfortunatelly, there's not much to write I find...
And no mather how I look at it, to my parent's I'm still a bother, especially financially.....

Alright YuKey.... I slept on your post.... & I have some more thoughts for you now.

You see that your situation with your friends is not all you want/need it to be. It may be hard to do, but perhaps, you will have to start looking for a new bunch of friends!

About school, school matters because it is FOR YOU that you are going. If you drop out, YOU will be the one messed up seriously--not anybody else. I know school may not be for everyone, but if you can endure, I will always encourage those who attempt it to stay in it.

When you don't make good grades, please don't get too down about it because you won't be able to concentrate well enough to improve & see where you are going wrong.

You can't down yourself for every failure. Where will you end up, if you do that? How will you be able to make progress?

If you didn't do so well, you have to just throw that day out & say, "I'm going to start fresh. If I'm not able to do it this time around, I'll just try again." If you see you are still having a problem, have you tried tutoring/extra help from your peers/the teacher/other people?

As for trust, if you trust people & they let you down or whatever, you revoke your trust & you don't bother with them. If they have shown you that they are not worth your time, then.... they really are not worth your time.

Those folks are out there enjoying themselves & their lives.... You should be too.... Later for those people--much later.

You take care & chin up.... 'cause you can do it!

(I hope I have not overstepped my bounds here, but this was my attempt at encouragement!)

I'm 18...
I, unfortunatelly, "suffer" from extreme shyness, so finding friends is quite, sometimes extreemly, difficult... I'ts one of the reasons why I get so attached to the ones I have...
Unfortunatelly, I can't find a motive/motivation to be there either....(school)
I know that, and I try to stop thinking of depressing things so I can finally study, but it's hard, if not impossible to do so most of the time.....
It feels like I won't make any progress anyways and that no-one cares even if I -do- make any progress.....
Yes I have a friend that tutors me, he's really nice...
Thats problematic... they keep showing that they -are- worth my trust then that they aren't.... I always end up crawling back like a dog either way....
Sometimes I hate to see people happy, when I'm not.... Sometimes I want them to suffer likeI do, but weirdly enough I don't want them to be sad or mad or hurt....... I just cant make up my mind I guess............
Thank you for the encouragement... they always help <:3

[crystalgaze]

With wishy-washy people, I always tell myself, "They're not serious." You can do differently. It's really up to you in the end. You can do it!

Are there clubs in school? After school activities? That might be places to start with friends. Places you go?

My best advice with the shyness is to develop a plan to beat it or a way to cope better. (What happens when you have to do class presentations?!)

I can be shy, too--withdrawn/reserved even. I'm the type that likes to hide under a rock in a corner some place & peek from under it.

Every now & then, though, I come out from under there & it's not so bad. I find making friends is a process. I start out by looking at people I see.... I keep looking at them.... I may greet them at some point. (Morning/whatever + usually nothing more than the superficial stuff)

One time it took me a whole year to have a conversation with someone I kept seeing in my environment. I didn't feel bad about it because I know I wasn't ready or comfortable.

You do & live, as much as you can, ON YOUR TERMS.

About feeling like a bother to your parents, you know.... Your parents had you. They're supposed to take care of you. That's part of what they're there for in the scheme of things; if they don't help you to get where you're going, who else will? (& without some sort of weird strings attached) I don't know what kind of parents you have, but hopefully, you have ones that want to see you succeed.

People make it, in part, because they had some kind of help some place--whether it's monetary, just to put in a good word, help you look for work, whatever. A lot of people cannot hold their own, just as they become adults.... You will get there. One thing at a time, ok?

[Obayan]

Hi. Coming here is a great place to start hon. Lots of great people like womb and crystal who really do care a lot. I hope you keep us up to date with what's going on.

[YuKey]

With wishy-washy people, I always tell myself, "They're not serious." You can do differently. It's really up to you in the end. You can do it!

Are there clubs in school? After school activities? That might be places to start with friends. Places you go?

My best advice with the shyness is to develop a plan to beat it or a way to cope better. (What happens when you have to do class presentations?!)

I can be shy, too--withdrawn/reserved even. I'm the type that likes to hide under a rock in a corner some place & peek from under it.

Every now & then, though, I come out from under there & it's not so bad. I find making friends is a process. I start out by looking at people I see.... I keep looking at them.... I may greet them at some point. (Morning/whatever + usually nothing more than the superficial stuff)

One time it took me a whole year to have a conversation with someone I kept seeing in my environment. I didn't feel bad about it because I know I wasn't ready or comfortable.

You do & live, as much as you can, ON YOUR TERMS.

About feeling like a bother to your parents, you know.... Your parents had you. They're supposed to take care of you. That's part of what they're there for in the scheme of things; if they don't help you to get where you're going, who else will? (& without some sort of weird strings attached) I don't know what kind of parents you have, but hopefully, you have ones that want to see you succeed.

People make it, in part, because they had some kind of help some place--whether it's monetary, just to put in a good word, help you look for work, whatever. A lot of people cannot hold their own, just as they become adults.... You will get there. One thing at a time, ok?

Yes, I tried joining one of them... I was completely intimidated by it, I swore I'd never go back there, at least not alone/with someone I know really well

I've tried and it has been getting better over the years, but groups are still way to intimidating (I often start laughing and can't stop at an oral, or in my gym class I started, talked and after a while I turned red and turned away saying "too many peopla", the whole class went "awww" >> )

I' the type that doesnt have a personality and always seems to say bad things, so I usually try to shut up instead.... A lot of people forget about me, even teachers so....

The one thing that distant friends and other people remember me by is my hair... thats pretty much it...
Plus I'd rather not disturb them, if they don't know me, with a good morning.... They'll just be creeped out....

I never talked to people in my highschool, unless they talked to me, since I went to a french highschool.... I could barelly speak... I guess that's where my fear of people/saying something stupid developed...
My friends are, even now, either people who speak english or people that at least understand english really well.

No.. thats not how it work in my family... My mother Mariied my father Because she had Me.... My father changed over the years, but still not enough... He used to be abusive, but my mother never let him beat me n my bro.... He doesnt love her, he's only after doing "it" ... and if we could afford it, my mom would get a divorce....

I'm trying... but the more I grow up... the more I hate it and refuse to grow any older.... It feels that the more I grow up, the lonelyer I become... Since the liess people have time for you and eachother.... I don't really want to see my friends like 1nce a year and I'm already at the point of 1nce per a few months....

Hi. Coming here is a great place to start hon. Lots of great people like womb and crystal who really do care a lot. I hope you keep us up to date with what's going on.

Yes, I'm actually very impressed, people reply fast and try to give you good advice, not just empty ones.... And hi .///.

[crystalgaze]

Just be careful about refusing to grow up because you don't want to end up living in a fantasy world. I guess it could be pleasant, but.... I don't know....

Of course, there's a difference from liking/doing things that you have done in your childhood.

Whatever you do, just make sure you're reasons are the right ones. For example, I sometimes do not go out the house much. However, it's not always that I am afraid or simply don't want to go outside. I'm really just more comfortable there at times because it's my sanctuary pretty much. When I'm staying in unusually, I always try to ask myself if I'm doing it because I'm running from something that I should instead face/walk through to be stronger.

[WOMBLE]

Hey YuKey how are you getting on?
With your story it's not a question of how much you write it's not a test. It's YOUR STORY, write as much as you want/can, you can always add to it later as you think of more things you feel comfortable telling us. Just be as honest as you can, but bare in mind the more you can tell us the better we can advise you. This is a mutual support group (devided we stand, together we rise) we're not here to judge or laugh at you, and we wont betray your trust because that would be a betrayal of the whole group. You have a personality, your not a robot, it might be shy, quiet, timid, and reserved but that can change if you choose as you grow, develop and mature (you dont get a choice in growing up I'm afraid that clock keeps ticking no matter how much you want it to stop or turn back). Besides we need quiet ones to balance out the noisey ones And in my experience the quiet ones are usually the most interesting to talk to. I should know I'm a quiet one and I love talking to myself.